confusedcookie Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 if you didn't like/love your girlfriend anymore, or you're losing feelings for her, would you lead her on? if she confronts you of your lacking behavior and asks if you still love her, would you lie and say yes or answer honestly? if you lie, why? is it because of the confrontation or that you're scared to hurt her feelings? do guys usually drag it out until the girl breaks up with them instead? some guy insight pls!!!!
kdark Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Depends on the guy. When I hit a rough patch in my relationships and started having feelings of doubt and my girlfriend noticed, I did lie. And it was very, VERY hard for me to do. But I did it, because if I didn't, the relationship was over, and I still enjoyed a lot of things about her. It was only when the bad got too much that I ended it. Is your guy passive aggressive? If he is, look for small things like quickly saying I love you, not saying it when you say it, and NEVER saying it on their own. These are small, subtle signs that he is losing interest. If he isn't then he would much rather appreciate a straight up confrontation. In that case you would probably have your answer then.
Author confusedcookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 well, what happens if he says i love you, but he doesn't give me kisses or hugs unless i ask for them, but he voluntary did it before? i've confronted him to the point that i feel like i sound like a broken record, but the thing is that his actions don't seem to reflect his "i love yous". should i trust him and drop the subject or trust my own instinct?
zaphodb2002 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 How long have you guys been together? Sometimes you just get comfortable, and you do a little less of the kissy huggy stuff. I had this problem after about a year with my last girlfriend. I didn't realize I was doing it at all. She told me it was bothering her, and so I did my best to remember to show her how much I cared. Don't ask "Do you still love me?" because that seems crazy needy, but just something stating the specific issue. Every relationship has lulls and needs a kick start every once in a while.
Author confusedcookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 a year and 2 months? i've been living with him for a year though, but he doesn't want sex anymore either... claims he's too tired to shower first when we use to do it daily... but then he's not too tired to give himself a handjob???
clv0116 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Breaking a heart is hard work. Anyone with a heart of their own will want to avoid it if possible.
Viking Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 a year and 2 months? i've been living with him for a year though, but he doesn't want sex anymore either... claims he's too tired to shower first when we use to do it daily... but then he's not too tired to give himself a handjob??? You're probably smothering him. Been living together for a year and you've only been together for a year and two months? Probably moved too fast for him and he's realizing it now and distancing himself so he isn't feeling like he's trapped.
Geishawhelk Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I would advise guys to read her other posts... there is such a huge cultural divide, I'm surprised they can even speak to one another......
runner Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 if you didn't like/love your girlfriend anymore, or you're losing feelings for her, would you lead her on? no. if she confronts you of your lacking behavior and asks if you still love her, would you lie and say yes or answer honestly? if you lie, why? is it because of the confrontation or that you're scared to hurt her feelings? i wouldn't allow it to get to this point. i'd cut it off soonest i realise it isn't going anywhere. i did tend to let things drag longer than necessary when i was younger, and yes, it was because i wasn't sure how to confront it or that i was afraid of hurting either of us. do guys usually drag it out until the girl breaks up with them instead? i can't speak for other guys
Sam Spade Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 if you didn't like/love your girlfriend anymore, or you're losing feelings for her, would you lead her on? I'd just snap out of it (in which case this would not mean that I lead her on). Unless some major dealbreaker surfices, there is no such thing as 'losing your feelings' towards your partner in a committed relaitonship, because this is a choice, not a force of nature. Of course, most women do not understand this. They assume that the relationship is over at the first sign of vague discomfort. Anyway, you need to make up your own mind. I cannot speak of your particular boyfriend's behavior and motivations.
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Women do the EXACT same thing you described all the time. Its not a matter of M/F, its just how a lot of people deal with situations like this. The thing is, just because youre having doubts doesnt mean that you know for sure that you want to dump someone. Its better to wait and make sure instead of making a rash decision that you regret later. Unfortunately, sometimes you end up wasting someones time and leading them on, but I doubt anyone in the history of dating has been so cold to only lead someone on to be mean. People lie because telling the truth means you hurt someones feelings, thus making you feel guilty. Again, this is something everyone does, not just guys at all. do guys usually drag it out until the girl breaks up with them instead? Again, women do that all the time.
949GuitarDude Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 a year and 2 months? i've been living with him for a year though, but he doesn't want sex anymore either... claims he's too tired to shower first when we use to do it daily... but then he's not too tired to give himself a handjob??? If he doesn't want sex anymore, it's time to dump him. The sooner you do it, the better. He may be getting it elsewhere.
isoleaf Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 well, what happens if he says i love you, but he doesn't give me kisses or hugs unless i ask for them, but he voluntary did it before? i've confronted him to the point that i feel like i sound like a broken record, but the thing is that his actions don't seem to reflect his "i love yous". should i trust him and drop the subject or trust my own instinct? your PROBLEM is you're not actually communicating with him. you're just trying to FIND OUT or FIGURE IT OUT or CONFRONT HIM which are all not acceptable forms of communication. you're looking for "hints" or "subtle signs" and thus you're riddled with anxiety and probably using that coupled with your mounting insecurities to exacerbate the situation. your approach of CONFRONTATION is useless because you're asking for a CLEAR answer. but who the hell says even HE has a clear answer. when you're acting odd in a relationship is it always because you know EXACTLY what the problem is? if you're asking him if he loves you or not, if you're putting it THAT way then yeah he prolly loves you enough to say, "I love you." but is that what you want to know? no, it's not. why not try being REAL instead of being afraid of the TRUTH. if you WANT the truth you need to create a SAFE environment where whatever his answer is, there is a comfortable route of action. if you're asking if he loves you or not, you might as well be giving him a relationship ultimatum. "Look. I know this is a hard topic to talk about, but i'm willing to listen and work with whatever answer you give me. Whether we stay together or not after the conversation isn't important, what's important is to get everything out onto the table so we can work it out because we care about each other. The way i see it, there are certain things about our relationship that are dying down when things were going at a good pace before. I know you love me but do you think that there might be some distance growing between us?" now that is a far easier question to answer vs "do you love me or not?" because even if he says yes there is distance growing, that doesn't mean he DOESN'T LOVE YOU. it just means there's... distance growing. what you do with that is up to you, but the world isn't so black and white. and lastly, are you PREPARED for an answer? make sure you know what you want to do given his answer. if you're asking this simply to kick the relationship back up, then don't get your hopes up. be prepared to break up, and if you're not, then you're not ready to hear the truth. or you simply don't want to even though some part of you does.
socialight Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 my experience is that men, when they want out, will start rationalizing insanely bizarre or inappropriate behaviour. At some point they are called on it, by either their friends, their own concsious, or by the girl they want to dump. It's selfishnish of course, because you want out, but you don't want to deal with the pain or guilt or screwing someone over. UNLESS, of course, she has done something to clearly deserve it, at which time you dump her with utmost swiftness and callousness.
Nicodaemos Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 No, i wouldnt drag it out. She did, and even said the 'lets be friends' line to me. I wouldnt automatically assume that a change in behavior would indicate lack of interest. My desires for things come and go, but not out of changing interest, but its just changing moods. I am up front with anything, and everything about me. I have never hid things from my other, except for surprises like gifts and plans for outings and such. Never assume all men are the same. Same can be said about women too.
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