MsPrada Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Ok here it is.. I am 23 y/o I met a man (45 y/o) 2 yrs ago, we married quickly not even after a year of knowing him..We will be married a total of one year (3/16). I moved out in November of 2008 because we were having a lot of problems financially, and i think the age difference caused a lot of problems, and we were on total opposite schedules..etc. I met another man (40 y/o) right before i moved out and we have been seeing each other a lot for the past 7 months. We talk everyday, spend nights together at his place, take little weekend vacations together, sex was hot and passionate. I think he also had a lot to do with why i seperated from my husband. My husband asked me if i was seeing someone and i was honest with him and i told him i was..and he resents me now and wants NC. It hurts..and my OM and i had got in a fight recently because he saw me out at a night club dancing and flirting and he got jealous..when we made it perfectly clear to each other that we are not exclusive! So my OM and i started talking a few days ago after one week of NC (when we normally talk everyday)..He came over my house and picked me up for dinner and then we made love. He told me for the first time that he was in love with me and he also told me that his ex girlfriend was moving back in. Him and his ex were together for 8 yrs and they seperated for 8 mos. he says shes having financial problems and they are like brother and sister and dont sleep together at all and he cares about her only in a certain way not romatically and he is not in love with her..He told me the best thing and the worse things that i ever wanted to hea from him at the same time..I dont know what to do she moved in yesterday and things are sooo different i cant go to his house..he cant just call or text me openly in from of her..im really lost..i love him and he says she is going to get a place but she will be there or at least one month..I almost wish i could just go back to my husband so that i wont think about what the hells going on over at my OM house. Also the OM will not tell the x girlfriend about me says he doesnt want to hurt her feelings yet he said he has been telling her that they are totally different now and things arent the same between them and that they have grown apart. He still calls me in the morning and during the day and at night but the calls are brief..im not used to this at all..
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I dont know what to do she moved in yesterday and things are sooo different i cant go to his house..he cant just call or text me openly in from of her..im really lost..i love him and he says she is going to get a place but she will be there or at least one month..I almost wish i could just go back to my husband so that i wont think about what the hells going on over at my OM house. Well, congratulations. It's rare to see a written display of such unreserved selfishness where the poster doesn't at least make a half-hearted attempt to paint themselves in a positive light. I at least give you credit for honesty. You should continue to do whatever benefits you the most, regardless of the cost to others you're married to and/or sleeping with. Keep us posted on your progress... Mr. Lucky
Reggie Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Sad story. You need therapy. Seriously, look into it.
Athena Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Ok here it is.. I am 23 y/o I met a man (45 y/o) 2 yrs ago, we married (...) I moved out in November of 2008 because we were having a lot of problems financially, and i think the age difference caused a lot of problems,(...) I met another man (40 y/o) right before i moved out and we have been seeing each other a lot for the past 7 months. How can it be the age difference causing a lot of problems with the 45 yr old, but you trade him in for a 40 year old -- they are in the same age bracket... so, either you are going to have those Age Problems again.... or perhaps the common denominator is YOU. You sound incredibly selfish! Running off from your H, then want to run back for some ego stroking during the one month your OM is unavailable. What is laughable, is that it is so obvious to me that OM resorted to the age old ploy of keeping a woman on the sides by using the "I love you" phrase!! Ha ha, he only did that to reign you in from flirting with other men at the clubs! And -- it worked. Duh! He is sleeping with his woman. And it wouldn't surprise me at all if it turns out she is his 'estranged wife' of 7 months... and she's back now, so he needs to dangle the carrot in front of you -- Love and Only One Month to wait. Your husband is better off without you. Grow up on your own time and quit F**$%ing around.
bentnotbroken Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 *****Light bulb goes off***** If you are living with someone like a sister, why can't you text in front of them and why can't you go over. Think girl,think. Though that doesn't seem to be high on your list.
jwi71 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Ms. Prada. I hope you read your post. Its full of your OM. And how he wrongs you. Can't you see how you do the same to your H? The pain you feel is the pain HE feels. You obviously don't love your H. And that's ok. What isn't ok is the abuse you are subjecting him to. Go ahead and file for D. As far as your OM...run of the mill lying cheater. He, like bnb says, CANNOT contact you "normally" because his gf (or maybe its really his W) is home and would catch him contacting his mistress (you). So walk from your OM or adjust your expectations to that of an OW. I'll let an OW tell you what THAT is like. Honestly, go get find an IC. You are NOT ready for an R at any level with anyone. Work on yourself, stop looking for a sugar daddy/father figure and go move forward with your life. That path you are on only gets WORSE. Good luck...
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Putting aside all the advice that you really need... I think I can help you address the problem you ask about. Your OM has a girlfriend and regardless of his relationship with you, they have decided to get back together, to live together. That was not forced on him. Her "financial" problems are just his excuse to you. Know that. Since he can no longer have you over, cannot freely call you, and must keep you a secret...they are not roommates, they have a full relationship. You are his extra. He is telling you she will only be there a month so that for the next month at least, he can have you both. After the month is up and he still lives with his girlfriend, he will tell you something else. He'll play it by ear and see what you buy. If you dont buy it, the only thing that will change for him is that he wont have you both. But you sound as though you will. As to your H, why bother? If you are insistant on dating and marrying men so much older than you...why not one who is at least as financially stable as a middle aged man should be?? Why have no advantage whatsoever? If you are going to date men with financial problems, why not a younger man who at least has hope?
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 As to your H, why bother? If you are insistant on dating and marrying men so much older than you...why not one who is at least as financially stable as a middle aged man should be?? Why have no advantage whatsoever? So if she's going to use an older man to suit her needs, at least find one whose assets are worth plundering ??? Although I do understand that, given the age difference, he may be a willing participant... Mr. Lucky
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 lol. I didnt say it was the advice she needed, but Ive been around enough to know how it works first hand. Many men in their 40s would be very pleased to have a young GF/OW/Wife...depending on their inclinations. All a girl with some amount of attractiveness need do is pick one. Some younger women enjoy the maturity and stability an older man can offer. Given the vast pool she could choose from (if she is attractive) , why choose men who are not established? I mean, if maturity and stability are not her motivating factors, and she doesnt mind dating a broke guy - why pick an old one? Unless you have limited options for some other reason.
Geishawhelk Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 The Devil wears Prada. I'm afraid you're the wife - and mistress - from hell.
Mr. Lucky Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Many men in their 40s would be very pleased to have a young GF/OW/Wife...depending on their inclinations. All a girl with some amount of attractiveness need do is pick one. Some younger women enjoy the maturity and stability an older man can offer. Given the vast pool she could choose from (if she is attractive) , why choose men who are not established? I mean, if maturity and stability are not her motivating factors, and she doesnt mind dating a broke guy - why pick an old one? Unless you have limited options for some other reason. I don't disagree with you. There used to be a nationally sydicated radio show that was carried here (can't remember the name) but the host said that one could usually guess a man's income by the attractiveness of his W or GF... Mr. Lucky
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Wow. Well, its certainly still true. Income to attractive spouse ratio. Its almost a scientific formula. And these days, you can tell how much a couple makes by how remarkably young and firm looking the wife looks - when you know shes over 50. Almost life like.
Author MsPrada Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Well i just got off the phone with my OM it has been 2 days since his ex has moved back in..he said that she is just there to re-establish herself and shes looking for a new place..he said they had a long talk last night because she keeps finding my hair all over the place. and she caught him in the garage on the phone with me last night and he was honest with her and told her theres someone else but he wants to let her down easily..he wants to have lunch with me and still spend time with me he hates having her there but doesnt want to hurt her, he says she is a very sweet person and they genuinely care about eachother like best friends..i dont know if i should just give him and ultimatum..although i dont desire a committed relationship from him i just dont want her living there.. and as far as the finances go...my OM and my STBXH are both multi-millionaires except my STBXH just lost everything..
Geishawhelk Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Oh yes. Go for the money, honey! get him to kick his money-grabbing b**ch of a wife to the kerb, why should he care about her? She's in the way and stopping you from getting your millions! How awfully inconsiderate of her. Hope she fleeces him for every penny. Then that's both men in your life losing it all.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Wonder if there are AOA laws in your area wont be feeling so smug then huh? why did YOU ever get married your husband dont have to give you anything from what i see, you havent been married long so enjoy the gravy train while it lasts.
Author MsPrada Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 my OM isnt married he has a girlfriend of 8yrs whom he seperated from for 8 mos and now shes back and he hates it he likes his freedom and being able to be with me..he just doesnt want to hurt her feelings..
Reggie Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well i just got off the phone with my OM it has been 2 days since his ex has moved back in..he said that she is just there to re-establish herself and shes looking for a new place..he said they had a long talk last night because she keeps finding my hair all over the place. and she caught him in the garage on the phone with me last night and he was honest with her and told her theres someone else but he wants to let her down easily..he wants to have lunch with me and still spend time with me he hates having her there but doesnt want to hurt her, he says she is a very sweet person and they genuinely care about eachother like best friends..i dont know if i should just give him and ultimatum..although i dont desire a committed relationship from him i just dont want her living there.. and as far as the finances go...my OM and my STBXH are both multi-millionaires except my STBXH just lost everything.. This makes zero sense. If they are friends and there is no romantic involvement, why allthe cloak and dagger? What is there to let her down from? You need to bone up on your analytical skills. :bunny:
desertmoon Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 and as far as the finances go...my OM and my STBXH are both multi-millionaires except my STBXH just lost everything.. I am very confused...if your OM is a "multimillionaire" and he is in love with you, why doesn't he just buy or rent a place for his ex-gf...what's a few thousand dollars? Or doesn't he have a guest house on his property? plus what kind of house does he live in, small? I mean, it must be since they seem to "bump" into each other and it is impossible for him to be in contact with you....--tell your OM, to get his chops right, and put his money where his love is... Ms.Prada...so your husband is poor, since he lost everything? an older man who doesn't have the bling-bling sure doesnt look too attractive, does it? sheesh....true love, anyone?
White Flower Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 He came over my house and picked me up for dinner and then we made love. He told me for the first time that he was in love with me and he also told me that his ex girlfriend was moving back in. They always pull out the 'I love you' card when they are afraid to lose a good thing. So much work goes into hooking you in and when they're finally 'in like Flynn' they don't want all that hard work to go to waste. Go dancing and find another guy. It sounds so easy for you to do.
White Flower Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well i just got off the phone with my OM it has been 2 days since his ex has moved back in..he said that she is just there to re-establish herself and shes looking for a new place..he said they had a long talk last night because she keeps finding my hair all over the place. and she caught him in the garage on the phone with me last night and he was honest with her and told her theres someone else but he wants to let her down easily..he wants to have lunch with me and still spend time with me he hates having her there but doesnt want to hurt her, he says she is a very sweet person and they genuinely care about eachother like best friends..i dont know if i should just give him and ultimatum..although i dont desire a committed relationship from him i just dont want her living there.. and as far as the finances go...my OM and my STBXH are both multi-millionaires except my STBXH just lost everything.. Oh, well it all makes sense then. Just kidding.
PhoenixRise Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Well i just got off the phone with my OM it has been 2 days since his ex has moved back in..he said that she is just there to re-establish herself and shes looking for a new place..he said they had a long talk last night because she keeps finding my hair all over the place. and she caught him in the garage on the phone with me last night and he was honest with her and told her theres someone else but he wants to let her down easily..he wants to have lunch with me and still spend time with me he hates having her there but doesnt want to hurt her, he says she is a very sweet person and they genuinely care about eachother like best friends..i dont know if i should just give him and ultimatum..although i dont desire a committed relationship from him i just dont want her living there.. and as far as the finances go...my OM and my STBXH are both multi-millionaires except my STBXH just lost everything.. There is a lot that could be said here but I will just leave it at this: If your OM is hiding or minimizing his communications with you in order to protect the feelings of another woman who is living with him, then you have to know that he is in a relationship with HER. You are his OW.
jwi71 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I am very confused...if your OM is a "multimillionaire" and he is in love with you, why doesn't he just buy or rent a place for his ex-gf...what's a few thousand dollars? Or doesn't he have a guest house on his property? plus what kind of house does he live in, small? I mean, it must be since they seem to "bump" into each other and it is impossible for him to be in contact with you....--tell your OM, to get his chops right, and put his money where his love is... Ms.Prada...so your husband is poor, since he lost everything? an older man who doesn't have the bling-bling sure doesnt look too attractive, does it? sheesh....true love, anyone? Dam. I was going to say the VERY same thing...next time I'll try and log in quicker...
bentnotbroken Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 This makes zero sense. If they are friends and there is no romantic involvement, why allthe cloak and dagger? What is there to let her down from? You need to bone up on your analytical skills. :bunny: I asked that yesterday, no answer.
signedin2008 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I am very confused...if your OM is a "multimillionaire" and he is in love with you, why doesn't he just buy or rent a place for his ex-gf...what's a few thousand dollars? Or doesn't he have a guest house on his property? plus what kind of house does he live in, small? I mean, it must be since they seem to "bump" into each other and it is impossible for him to be in contact with you....--tell your OM, to get his chops right, and put his money where his love is... The above paragraph was exactly what I was going to write. Ms.Prada...so your husband is poor, since he lost everything? an older man who doesn't have the bling-bling sure doesnt look too attractive, does it? sheesh....true love, anyone? What about you and your H and your OM. True love?
Author MsPrada Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 My OM lives ina 6,000 beachhouse right on the water..he said because he has a big bed he just lets her sleep next to him because it doesnt bother him and she sleeps on the other side..he is very secretive when we have conversations..he was in the garage talking to me on the phone in his car and she caught him last night and told him to carry on with his life and not to go sneaking around..he also told me that she has been having conversations with other men on the phone also..him and i are supposed to go on a cruise for one week for my bday in 3 weeks..i just dont know how to tell him everything thats on my mind..i dont want to lose him..but i want her out of that house..i am very tempted to email her..but then i will definitely lose him..geez i hate being in this situation..maybe i need NC and to move on..and my STBXH will definitely not take me back..but then again he is 3 million dollars in debt with 2 ex wives and 2 kids going through court so i dont need that baggage anyhow.
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