Waitress Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I'm having a third date at a guy's home. He's cooking me dinner. It all seems really sweet. He's really sweet. No worries about going to his house. But it's been a while since I've dated. This guy seems to be much more comfortable with the "romance dance" than I am. (Although not slick or anything.) Not sure I'm really writing this well, but I'm wondering about expectations. Physical and level of relationship. Thanks.
Sam Spade Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I'm having a third date at a guy's home. He's cooking me dinner. It all seems really sweet. He's really sweet. No worries about going to his house. But it's been a while since I've dated. This guy seems to be much more comfortable with the "romance dance" than I am. (Although not slick or anything.) Not sure I'm really writing this well, but I'm wondering about expectations. Physical and level of relationship. Thanks. The 3rd-5th date at guy's home, him cooking dinner, watching a movie etc. is pretty standard. The expectation is to have a nice relaxed evening, make out, and quite possibly - have sex. So, if you like him, just relax - he knows what he's doing (I'd hope).
Green Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 seriously he probably wanted to have sex with you the moment he saw you and things might very well get steamy. Does this mean he is a bad guy... NO I think he should want to have sex with you... Whats important is he should respect you and be kind to you and want you to be happy and you should do the same for him.
Author Waitress Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Those are really thoughtful responses. I'm really grateful that you took the time. I'm pretty sure he's a respectful guy. There is an attraction (mutual) and I do really like him. I feel like such a dork though. Like I said, it's been a while for me and even though I'm not really ready for sex yet I do hope for some passion. Thinking back on previous relationships I don't remember being this nervous with anticipation. I remember things just happening. The guy making the move was never something I gave a lot of thought to. This guy seems to be working up to it a lot differently. I kind of like it.
kdark Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Those are really thoughtful responses. I'm really grateful that you took the time. I'm pretty sure he's a respectful guy. There is an attraction (mutual) and I do really like him. I feel like such a dork though. Like I said, it's been a while for me and even though I'm not really ready for sex yet I do hope for some passion. Thinking back on previous relationships I don't remember being this nervous with anticipation. I remember things just happening. The guy making the move was never something I gave a lot of thought to. This guy seems to be working up to it a lot differently. I kind of like it. It sounds like he knows what he's doing. Just enjoy it. And don't do anything you don't want to do.
dashing daisy Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 He'll probably want to have sex with you since there is mutual attraction, but you should just do whatever feels comfortable. If you don't feel ready for sex that's fine, and he should respect that. Generally with guys, if you don't want to have sex, you keep things out of the bedroom...though I don't know if that's a hard and fast rule or anything. But once you go into the bedroom guys tend to think SEX! But other than that, don't worry too much about his expectations; this is about both of you. So just relax, do what you are both comfortable with, and have fun!
Author Waitress Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Thanks Kdart and dashing daisy. I definitely won't do anything I don't want to do. That's one thing I do remember how to do..go at a pace I'm comfortable with for physical. Obviously, it's way to early for anything remotely serious. But by the third date how far ahead have guys generally thought or are they considering? I know this guy's not a player so I'm sure he's not looking for casual sex. Phone calls and conversations have shifted. He seems to be trying out "us" type comments. I'm not really expecting anything from the relationship yet. But if he is I don't want to discourage him. I just need a little more time to warm up to things than the guys I've been with generally but I do like him. Okay, so for me a problem has been holding back in relationships. I'd like to be more open and warm because I think he'd respond well to that. It's something I've thought about a lot "for the next time" but now it's here and I realize I've never figured out how to put thought into practice.
voldigicam Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Seems you'd be comfortable with a bit of snuggling bonding, maybe a kiss. He sounds like a nice guy, so his intellect and respect is likely to agree that's a reasonable thing. Unfortunately he'll have a raging sex pervert part of his mind wanting to ravage you. Seems inevitable. Can prove most distracting. I don't know how comfortable you are in talking about such things. Or doing things. Maybe there's a compromise there. "I like snuggling and maybe a little kissing, but I don't really want to go past that." Open the table for discussion. Problem is that it's a little businesslike. But it works. Long long ago I had a young lady friend. We had a real date back when dating was cool. We snuggled quite a bit, kissed quite a bit. I asked her if she wanted to go further. She indicated no. Then she acknowledged that I must be pumped up and that wasn't good. She took matters in hand and a bit later I was quite relaxed. That worked really well. I wasn't horny and she hadn't done anything uncomfortable for her. So there's lots of compromises possible, depending on your comfort level. I've had a couple of other similar experiences of less than intercourse playaround followed by a longer period of relaxed company. That sexual tension can get in the way of enjoyment. You might lay out quite consciously what you consider a reasonable sexual progression to be and think about how much you're willing to accelerate or skip steps. You'd be more armed to say "No, I'm not ready for that, how about we . . . ." Discussing the matter if it comes up, calmly and openly, may reveal a great deal about how the two of you approach challenges. Have fun.
socialight Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 i wouldnt assume he wants to have sex. he may actually be a good guy who knows to wait more than 3 dates.
Author Waitress Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 I'm really impressed with how thoughtful your responses are! Thanks again. The more opinions/help the better and I really appreciate it.
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