Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Okay but what if you are wrong. Meaning you are mistreating her and she is standing up for herself. It is not fair to give her the silent treatment when you are disrespecting her. If I am in the wrong, I wouldn't be giving her a silent treatment. I'd be giving her the silent treatment on things like her jumping down my throat for something I didn't do....getting mad at me for something she did and couldn't remember she did it.....accusing me of having feelings for my X when I don't even want to talk to her and the only time I do its because I have to deal with her because of my kids. If I disrespected her in any way, she wouldn't be getting a silent treatment. I'd be apologizing.
clv0116 Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Actually, now you don't sound so clear. Are you saying that you work where women get paid the same as men for the same job? Yes, women get paid the same here for the same work, however unless I restrict my search to highly paid professional women, I'm very unlikely to find a woman who earns as much as I do. If so, and you were married to a woman who you worked with and made the same income, who would be doing the 'traditional' work at home? Is it then and only then that you share the workload at home equally? Earning has nothing to do with it. If she wants me to do half the housework and so on, she has to pay half the bills. If she makes half what I do she's gonna be a little strapped after paying her half of the bills. Or do you prefer a stay at home woman who cooks three meals per day and scrubs and cleans and raises your children? No judgment, just asking. That is my preference. And if so, would you give her an allowance? How much is she worth? Her providing you with offspring who will take care of you when you're old isn't priceless to you? I don't believe in my money and your money. If I'm married it's our money and she has access to the checking account. I won't marry someone I can't trust with money. I know plenty of men whose wives don't work outside the home but still share the work load at home because it takes a lot to run a household. It is so obvious if not ignored. Of course, as the Bible notes, if one stumbles and falls, the other is there to pick them up. But in general everyone has to pull together and do their share.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 9, 2009 Posted March 9, 2009 Hi LS, I have noticed that so called men these day are more and more acting like they are the women in relationship. Let me explain LOL, I just realized(read too fast i guess) that you are a woman. I thought you were a guy telling the rest of us guys to man up or something. now I see what this is....its a man bashing post. i notice that if a man is dating a woman and she gets upset about something he did or said....the guy will....stop talking to her for a while or...get upset because she mentioned it....even if she did it nicely. He just wants her to shut up and deal with the bul/s on her own. If the "bul/s" is of her own doing or it is her that is exhibiting the "bul/s", then sure, we are entitled to act however we want. Better the silent treatment than looking at you and calling you a name you probably deserve that you won't like:rolleyes: Again, this is assuming that the woman is in the wrong. If I am in the wrong, there won't be any silent treatment. i'd be doing what I can to make it up and apologize. I another thing I notice is that guys want you to take them out and will ask you ....when are you talking me out or you buying me lunch? I never ask that. But with all the gold diggers and entitlement princesses out there that expect a guy to pay for everything, what is the guy getting out of the date? don't say your company, because you are getting that from them as well. Again, I never ask, but I find a woman to be a keeper that offers at least once in a great while to pick up a tab, although I don't want her to, I like it that she offers. It shows she values the relationship more than her just using me as a meal ticket. It is strange. It is like they are the prize and we are lucky to have them. Funny, thats how women act when they expect the man to pay for everything and expect a man to jump through hoops for them while not really returning the same courtesy other than sitting there and enjoying the money being spent on them. Is it me? or are guys starting to act like b/tches in relationships these days No, I think its the guys you are going out with just may be catching on to what you are all about and don't feel like they need to bend over backwards for you any longer. They probably don't like your sense of entitlement. hell I want to write a book called..."Thinking you a man, Acting like a b/tch" Until you change your attitude, you're going to get more men, if they have any dignity, that will keep calling you on your attitude towards men.
White Flower Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Earning has nothing to do with it. If she wants me to do half the housework and so on, she has to pay half the bills. If she makes half what I do she's gonna be a little strapped after paying her half of the bills. I don't believe in my money and your money. If I'm married it's our money and she has access to the checking account. I won't marry someone I can't trust with money. Of course, as the Bible notes, if one stumbles and falls, the other is there to pick them up. But in general everyone has to pull together and do their share.So, you prefer a stay at home mom/wife who makes no money but if she does make money and expects you to carry equal parts of the work load then she has to pay you? I find contradictions in your statements above. I suppose we need to define what you consider the work load, and payable workload, to be. Do you expect her to do everything including taking out the trash, sweeping out the garage, mowing the lawn and other traditional male roles? If so, do you step in at her falling point or try to prevent this and step in just before her falling point?
mr.dream merchant Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Hi LS, I have noticed that so called men these day are more and more acting like they are the women in relationship. Let me explain i notice that if a man is dating a woman and she gets upset about something he did or said....the guy will....stop talking to her for a while or...get upset because she mentioned it....even if she did it nicely. He just wants her to shut up and deal with the bul/s on her own. I another thing I notice is that guys want you to take them out and will ask you ....when are you talking me out or you buying me lunch? It is strange. It is like they are the prize and we are lucky to have them. Is it me? or are guys starting to act like b/tches in relationships these days hell I want to write a book called..."Thinking you a man, Acting like a b/tch" Wow, now you know how annoying it is for Males to deal with Females. Holla. Quit being so goddamn demanding if your own behavior pisses you off.
clv0116 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 So, you prefer a stay at home mom/wife who makes no money but if she does make money and expects you to carry equal parts of the work load then she has to pay you? No, I want a stay at home mom/wife who does as much as she can at home. In return I am willing to earn to pay all the bills, and whatever she needs help with of course I'll help. It's a partnership, not a competition to see who can do the least. If however she wants to neglect the household duties and that spend time working for a wage, then I will split the household work and the financial load with her, both right down the middle. If her wages are small she might find herself working and having very little to show for it after bills. I find contradictions in your statements above. How about now?
White Flower Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 No, I want a stay at home mom/wife who does as much as she can at home. In return I am willing to earn to pay all the bills, and whatever she needs help with of course I'll help. It's a partnership, not a competition to see who can do the least. If however she wants to neglect the household duties and that spend time working for a wage, then I will split the household work and the financial load with her, both right down the middle. If her wages are small she might find herself working and having very little to show for it after bills. How about now? Starting to make more sense except for splitting the load in half as if she'll make the same money. Statistically women don't make as much money as men and I have a problem when men make a lot of money and think they can boss a woman around when she doesn't make as much or nothing at all. I can only hope you are not headed in the direction my exH was in because his reasoning cost him the M. He made a lot more money than I did and thought that meant he did not have to lift a finger. The very least he could have done was pick up after himself but he didn't even do that. And he didn't want to see me through college so that I COULD make an income equal to his. It seemed he actually wanted a stay at home wife who magically made the same amount of money as he did and who did ALL the work at home. Therefore, he allowed for no equality in the M nor the home in any way. He was completely irrational. I really hope you don't end up like this. I don't know your age or whether you are M but I wish you the best of luck.
clv0116 Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Starting to make more sense except for splitting the load in half as if she'll make the same money. If she's not making similar money then her working is essentially giving me (and by extension our family) a cut in pay rate. Statistically women don't make as much money as men and I have a problem when men make a lot of money and think they can boss a woman around when she doesn't make as much or nothing at all. It has nothing to do with 'bossing around'. I do believe that the man has the responsibility to be family head but that's not a financial discussion. I can only hope you are not headed in the direction my exH was in because his reasoning cost him the M. He made a lot more money than I did and thought that meant he did not have to lift a finger. Well if you're paying half the bills he should do half the work. Fair is fair. The very least he could have done was pick up after himself but he didn't even do that. And he didn't want to see me through college so that I COULD make an income equal to his. If you wanted that sort of relationship why did you get married before you had your career? Seems a little unfair to marry someone with the expectation they will be your personal education grant. It seemed he actually wanted a stay at home wife who magically made the same amount of money as he did and who did ALL the work at home. Well that's not right.
White Flower Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 If you wanted that sort of relationship why did you get married before you had your career? Seems a little unfair to marry someone with the expectation they will be your personal education grant. Silly me. I married him because he asked me to and we loved each other. He promised he would support me through college since I supported him through college and I married him a little ahead of schedule (his and his parents brilliant idea) so he could get a green card. I kept my end of the deal but he did not keep up his; hence the divorce 25 years later.
clv0116 Posted March 12, 2009 Posted March 12, 2009 He promised he would support me through college since I supported him through college and I married him a little ahead of schedule .... Ah OK. You left that bit out.
Recommended Posts