Chrome Barracuda Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 ...Hmmmm are some women even worth being in a relationship if they are not relationship material. Some men just are not ready for a relationship. They can handle sex just fine. It depends on where the man is at the point in his life, that's all. I was a beta now im becoming an alpha. it's strange because confidence is something i lacked when i was younger now i got it in bundles and it feels good.
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 We allow people to treat us, the way they do. You know, it seems as though personal responsibility is vanishing. Nothing is anyones fault anymore, its always more someone else's fault, or a result of some circumstance they fell into without knowledge. Parents arent resonsible for what their kids watch on TV, girls put out and then wonder why a guy never calls again, and men ignore what their SO tell them and wonder why shes mad. And its ALWAYS the other persons fault... I don't know if I'm wise but have learned something through personal experience I think most knowledge comes through experience. You dont know what a red flag looks like until you actually see it. I think the more people date, the wiser they get, but you have to watch yourself so you dont end up being one of those people that just LOOKS for any and all red flags. Relationships are about accepting the risk of getting hurt, and realizing that despite your best efforts, sometimes you cant really prevent it. And I agree with your assesment about fake people, although I will say, usually people only realize it when its too late. For example, you generally wont know youve been used until after it happens, and whatever assurances the other person gave you become an obvious lie. Good definition. Like I was saying earlier, though, its kind of a fine line to walk. Some guys are confident, have it together, and seem really sweet, but have no social skills.
Trialbyfire Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 You know, it seems as though personal responsibility is vanishing. Nothing is anyones fault anymore, its always more someone else's fault, or a result of some circumstance they fell into without knowledge. Parents arent resonsible for what their kids watch on TV, girls put out and then wonder why a guy never calls again, and men ignore what their SO tell them and wonder why shes mad. And its ALWAYS the other persons fault...I can't agree more!! If it's not working for you, change it! I think most knowledge comes through experience. You dont know what a red flag looks like until you actually see it. I think the more people date, the wiser they get, but you have to watch yourself so you dont end up being one of those people that just LOOKS for any and all red flags. Relationships are about accepting the risk of getting hurt, and realizing that despite your best efforts, sometimes you cant really prevent it. And I agree with your assesment about fake people, although I will say, usually people only realize it when its too late. For example, you generally wont know youve been used until after it happens, and whatever assurances the other person gave you become an obvious lie. Good definition. Like I was saying earlier, though, its kind of a fine line to walk. Some guys are confident, have it together, and seem really sweet, but have no social skills. You've got a wonderful attitude and I mean that sincerely. It takes time and experience, to realize who's compatible and who isn't. It doesn't always mean it's the other person's fault that break up happened. It also doesn't mean you don't own a portion of the responsibility of break up. Love isn't enough.
sumdude Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 To the OP. How about assessing the men you've been attracted to so far and asking yourself why?
Woggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 It's not that I admire uncaring men that mistreat women but you can't deny that this works with women. Abusers, cheaters and general *******s tend to have great success with women. Men who are raised to be gentlemen and treat women with respect tend to learn this the hard way. If a man wants to know if a woman is a keeper look for how she responds to the nice guy side of you because it is a rare woman that actually appreciates it.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 It's not that I admire uncaring men that mistreat women but you can't deny that this works with women. Abusers, cheaters and general *******s tend to have great success with women. Men who are raised to be gentlemen and treat women with respect tend to learn this the hard way. If a man wants to know if a woman is a keeper look for how she responds to the nice guy side of you because it is a rare woman that actually appreciates it. QFFT!!!! I agree in this day and age this remains true because we see it time and time again. Women date thugs and abusers and yet when a man does right by them she cannot deal with it. ...That's not what turns her on...
Woggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 QFFT!!!! I agree in this day and age this remains true because we see it time and time again. Women date thugs and abusers and yet when a man does right by them she cannot deal with it. ...That's not what turns her on... Look at how Rhianna went back to Chris Brown after he beat her to a pulp. It's horrible what happened to her but I can't feel any sympathy when she just goes back for more.
Trialbyfire Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Okay, so we got two members who've been cheated on, one who's wife tried to kill him and is a drug addict, suggesting that naive women enjoy being abused. So what's your excuse, gentlemen, for being cheated on and shot at? Didn't you learn something too?
White Flower Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Hi LS, hell I want to write a book called..."Thinking you a man, Acting like a b/tch" LOL, love the idea. I don't think all men are like this, but have noticed perhaps the beginning of a trend like that which you detailed in your OP. Have you seen all the dating websites in which so many men say they want financially independent women? It is like they are saying, 'Don't expect me to ever take care of you. You come with a nice financial package or you don't come at all.'
isoleaf Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 QFFT!!!! I agree in this day and age this remains true because we see it time and time again. Women date thugs and abusers and yet when a man does right by them she cannot deal with it. ...That's not what turns her on... and here's where the men get it wrong too. being a jerk can help you at the BEGINNING of an interaction, but that gets old to a girl after a little bit. being a gentleman helps ONCE YOU LAND THE GIRL, but not with the APPROACH ITSELF (usually). the result? don't BE a jerk at the beginning but be MORE of a jerk than you are at rest before going into nice-guy/gentleman mode. why? CUZ IT MAKES ****ING SENSE. you're not SUPPOSED to be a gentleman/all around nice guy to EVERYONE, otherwise you'd be getting suckered left and right by both men and women. and when you start off with a girl like this, this is what you're saying, "I'm a sucker." it makes SENSE that you'd be a little bit more on the defense at the beginning, you have no way of knowing if you can trust this person or not and if you do then it communicates weakness to the other person. rarely do i do the things i do for my best friend for some stranger. and if i was doing such, i wouldn't be surprised if said stranger was creeped out and went for someone who has more sense about them regarding being practical who might come off a bit more callous at the onset. basically, if you're bitching, you're doing it wrong.
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I don't think all men are like this, but have noticed perhaps the beginning of a trend like that which you detailed in your OP. Have you seen all the dating websites in which so many men say they want financially independent women? It is like they are saying, 'Don't expect me to ever take care of you. You come with a nice financial package or you don't come at all.' Perhaps they just dont want a women who expects to be taken care of financially. Would you want to date a jobless guy who expected you to pay for everything? Probably not, why cant men expect the same? There are also adds with women who want a financially secure man as well. There is nothing wrong with wanting to date someone who is stable. SOME women Woggle. When, oh when will you learn that once and for all?!!! When he meets and exception to the rule he's made. Opinions on things like this are based on experience, and if he thinks that everyone he sees is one way, then hes going to cast that image on everyone. I once told a girl that she had really pretty eyes, which she did - they were bright blue and stunning, and she slapped me. I asked what I did wrong, and she said every guy that said that ended up being a douch. Am I a douch for complimenting her? No, but she identified that particular comment with a group of guys she found to be sleazeballs, and I paid the price. So what's your excuse, gentlemen, for being cheated on and shot at? Didn't you learn something too? LOL I love it TBF. I should have known she would shoot me one day, she just had that way about her LOL And TBF, you and I are just fine, and I appreciate all your input.
samspade Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Have you seen all the dating websites in which so many men say they want financially independent women? It is like they are saying, 'Don't expect me to ever take care of you. You come with a nice financial package or you don't come at all.' God forbid a man have standards. This may surprise you, but there is such a thing as a gold digger. And since women are so adept at taking half of a man's assets in a divorce, it's only fair that we protect ourselves before marriage and weed out the low-quality females. Incidentally, if you're looking on dating websites, you're going to find a high percentage of feminized men, mainly because they are not the type to risk rejection in asking a girl out in person. There are a few players on those sites too, but they're in the minority. If you can't find a real man, it's your own fault.
Trialbyfire Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 And TBF, you and I are just fine, and I appreciate all your input. Didn't think it was a problem but I appreciate the confirmation. I enjoy our interactions because you're capable of sitting back and thinking about it, then responding by stating your opinion in a respectful way. You're also good at de-escalation.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 and here's where the men get it wrong too. being a jerk can help you at the BEGINNING of an interaction Really? Why is that? basically, if you're bitching, you're doing it wrong. cool, can I use this line the next time a woman "bitches" about not being able to find a good man?
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Didn't think it was a problem but I appreciate the confirmation. I enjoy our interactions because you're capable of sitting back and thinking about it, then responding by stating your opinion in a respectful way. You're also good at de-escalation. I just wanted to make sure you knew Someone else mentioned me in another post, and I wanted to tell you he didnt speak for me, too. I have 3 brothers, so you learn to get along and find a common ground. I also understand that these conversations can touch on very sensitive areas within all of us, and a strong opinion is sometimes a result. I appreciate that you listen, and then respond. Sounds simple, but a lot of people just look for things to attack without giving the opinion a fair shake. Youre also pretty understanding, which goes a long way.
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I cant be a jerk in the beginning and be a nice guy afterwards. that's what women want in this day and age. a jerk with a soft spot. 9 times outta ten the jerk will always remain a jerk. I am a nice guy can be an A-hole when i need to be. But over all that's who I am. And TBF women choose to be abused, because if thew man you know is abusive and you have the willpower to leave why go back to it??? WTF? naive woman, my a**. She made a choice to be with the abuser are we expected to feel sympathy for her. like a woman who dates a womanizer and then complains when he cheats? WTF did she expect? If a man shows you his true face the first time you meet him odds are he wont change. That man has to change for himself, that woman cannot change him, and yet again women do not seem to understand that. That's what I'm so mad about. And samspade, it's not the man wants to not take care of that woman but he's trying to tell her he dont want to date a golddigger. if she has her own she'll probably be less inclined to be about his money. u feel me?
Woggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Okay, so we got two members who've been cheated on, one who's wife tried to kill him and is a drug addict, suggesting that naive women enjoy being abused. So what's your excuse, gentlemen, for being cheated on and shot at? Didn't you learn something too? That is why I am no longer with her and I have a much better woman in my life. If I were a woman and my ex were a man I probably would have went back to her already.
Woggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 So women complain that men are threatened by financially independent women and now that many men prefer one we are still wrong? With the walkaway wife thing and the way women change their minds and leave on a whime these days it is better to have a woman with her own money so you don't get screwed in the divorce. Plus stay at home mom types eventually bored and resentful and guess who they blame for it all.
Trialbyfire Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I just wanted to make sure you knew Someone else mentioned me in another post, and I wanted to tell you he didnt speak for me, too. I have 3 brothers, so you learn to get along and find a common ground. I also understand that these conversations can touch on very sensitive areas within all of us, and a strong opinion is sometimes a result. I appreciate that you listen, and then respond. Sounds simple, but a lot of people just look for things to attack without giving the opinion a fair shake. Youre also pretty understanding, which goes a long way. We're totally cool! Yes, extremism breeds extremism! Thanks.
39388 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 If he is still calling you by your first name when introducing you to his friends ..he aint got no plans for you and him. He should be introducing you as his girl, baby, or something after 4 or 5 months. I just think men are getting weaker and weaker and we are letting them get away with it but not forcing them to treat us right. Why should a man disrespect someone like that? I'd never do such a thing. Women are not owned by men. You should always use her name. Girlfriend or wife or whatever can be added to it if of course.
39388 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I cant be a jerk in the beginning and be a nice guy afterwards. that's what women want in this day and age. a jerk with a soft spot. 9 times outta ten the jerk will always remain a jerk. I am a nice guy can be an A-hole when i need to be. But over all that's who I am. Me too. I'm the opposite of a jerk with a soft spot. A nice guy with a few rough edges.
clv0116 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Have you seen all the dating websites in which so many men say they want financially independent women? It is like they are saying, 'Don't expect me to ever take care of you. You come with a nice financial package or you don't come at all.' So if he instead says he wants someone to clean house, cook and wash laundry, is that also OK? If women expect to be financially supported, what SHOULD a man expect from a woman?
isoleaf Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Really? Why is that? cool, can I use this line the next time a woman "bitches" about not being able to find a good man? 1. because it makes sense. for example: girls don't like those guys that fall in love with any girl. they tend to go for douches not because the douche is a douche but because if the douche shows her kindness it shows that she's an EXCEPTION. when you START OFF OVVVERLY nice, then it can be safe to assume you typically start off this way. unless you are able to establish that you DO NOT typically start off this way, then starting off that way will have a counter-intuitive effect. the girl will think that you are a sucker and that you're sold right off the bat and that you're easy pickings. this can also lead to insecurity down the road as it means you are more susceptible to temptation and whole-heartedly go after it (could be a cheater down the road). this is where many confuse being a practical person with playing hard to get. starting off a tad jerky isn't playing hard to get. it's being PRACTICAL and SENSICAL. who's to say this girl has EARNED this yet? how do you even know? and if you just treat all girls like this then you're pretty much saying you're "easy." and if you're given the prize before they feel like they've done anything to earn it, is the prize really worth all that much in the first place? these things apply to both sexes. let's say you met a chick and you don't even do anything, you're just being yourself at rest and yet she THROWS HERSELF and EVERYTHING SHE'S GOT at you FOR NO REASON before knowing even the first thing about you... do you find that appealing? does it make you feel valued? does it make you feel special? does it come off a tad desperate? i thought so. 2. yes you can. anyone who's bitching is doing it wrong whether you're a guy OR a girl. and if a guy is saying all girls are bitches, that means all girls are bitches TO HIM and to how he APPROACHES them. thus when the girls ask where are all the nice guys, i just laugh because they sure as hell aren't around that girl. perhaps it's because the mere presumption that she deserves whatever she wants when she wants it and has the right to project her disappointment on the opposite sex vs using that as an opportunity to improve herself and thus her odds, is laughable and sad at the same time to me. laughable due to the sheer naivete of it and sad because of the implications and circumstances that probably live behind that outcome. same goes for the men who complain.
Trialbyfire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 And TBF women choose to be abused, because if thew man you know is abusive and you have the willpower to leave why go back to it??? WTF? naive woman, my a**. She made a choice to be with the abuser are we expected to feel sympathy for her. like a woman who dates a womanizer and then complains when he cheats? WTF did she expect? If a man shows you his true face the first time you meet him odds are he wont change. That man has to change for himself, that woman cannot change him, and yet again women do not seem to understand that. That's what I'm so mad about. That is why I am no longer with her and I have a much better woman in my life. If I were a woman and my ex were a man I probably would have went back to her already. Both of you can't see the forest for the trees. Both men and women remain with abusive and cheating partners. Both men and women can make the same or similar mistakes of selecting this type of partner. To blanket all women as people who go back to abusive and/or cheating partners is just...plain...wrong. Just because Rihanna did it, doesn't mean that every woman would do so. Case in point, myself. I found out the ex-H cheated and he got kicked to the curb. Now I'm with someone who treats me the way I deserve. As for women wanting to change men, that's a valid point, to an extent. I'm going to give you my take on changing men. If something annoys me, I'll speak up. If he doesn't listen, I'm gone. I won't nag. In men not wanting women to change, how is that possible when people age, have children and gain experience? This is just as unrealistic a need from men, than women wanting men to change. It's all a push.
IrishCarBomb Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Men are starting to act more like women? No wonder my brother was so b*tchy last weekend; I bet he was PMSing.
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