bravesgirl Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 So I met this guy 3 months ago and he lives far away. He is 35 years old. He's really a cute guy. I checked his ring finger several times and there is no sign of ring wear on his ring finger. I understand that some people don't wear wedding bands and I wouldn't be worried but one day I was texting him and I asked him if he got lonely traveling all the time. (he tests for oil in Pennsylvania and Kansas and he lives in Michigan. He works a month at a time with a week off which he goes home to Michigan.) He responded..."Why would I be lonely...I'm married!" I was so pissed and so ashamed of myself. I vowed never to talk to him again and I was bent on finding his wife and telling her. Well, I did some pissed off cyber stalking and found no trace of a wife. The next morning after I ignored him and stopped talking he said he was joking. Isa talked to him about it again after that and he said "i'm not married." For some reason I have a feeling that he really isn't married and just wanted to get a rise out of me. He has said things before that weren't true just to see what I would do. How do I find out for sure? What is a good way to know if he's lying when we are talking on the phone? I'm really thinking of forgetting him anyways because of the drama he tries to start with me but I would still like to find out!
whichwayisup Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Just forget about him. He isn't worth your time even if he is cute. He lives far from you and he's lied to you already, or pretended he was married. Chances are he really IS married and is just messing around with you and having some fun..Ego trip. Why bother creating MORE drama? Just ignore him and find a guy closer to where you live.
bentnotbroken Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Why should you figure out if someone is lying. If you are mature and in an honest relationship, there is no need to try to figure things out. If he was just joking, is there a reason you would want to be with someone who thinks this if funny. In today's society, why would you even joke about having a wife? And just FYI, I didn't wear a ring for more than 10 years, it didn't fit any longer. There are lots of reasons for not wearing a ring.
NoIDidn't Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 He sounds like a jerk, married or not. I'd drop him like a bad habit. Its only been three months.
Sagelily Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 If you don't trust him to the point that you are doing some "cyber-stalking," do yourself a favor and move on.
clv0116 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 My take is that he's probably single and you're probably not the only girl he's flirted with. Whether you think you're special enough to turn his head, and whether he's worth the effort is up to you.
lionking Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I would like to say thank to all of you. That's really good advices for young girls like me.
Owl Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I was thinking that background check thing as well...but I also totally agree with the idea that this is grounds NOT to let yourself get more involved with him one way or another.
Author bravesgirl Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I think I'm gonna say screw it if he's not gonna treat me the way I deserve to be treated because there are many other guys out there who can treat me better! And if he is married I don't want to be involved in hurting his wife.
NewSunrise Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Thanks for the advice. I think I'm gonna say screw it if he's not gonna treat me the way I deserve to be treated because there are many other guys out there who can treat me better! And if he is married I don't want to be involved in hurting his wife. Good choice. So are you going to stick with it? Here are a few pointers to know if someone is married/unavailable. 1. Person hands you a business card with just the cell #. 2. Person hands you a business card with his/her email address only 3. The email address is his/her work. 4. If s/he emails/calls you DURING work hours OR before 7 PM (during commute to home). 5. If s/he wishes you Happy Valentine's Day the day before or after, but NOT on that day. (Hello!) 6. If s/he rarely calls you on weekends. 7. If s/he only texts/emails you on weekends and in the wee hours. 8. If s/he suddenly tells you s/he has to go and will call you back, doesn't tell you why, AND doesn't call back immediately within 20 minutes. Chances are SO just walked in and is now immobilized. 9. If s/he tells you s/he'll be going out of town on business (espcially weekend) and doesn't call at all during that time. Texts/emails don't count. 10. If s/he tells you s/he must visit a family member who is ill, but doesn't "freely" volunteer who, where, why, what hospital. And when s/he does go, doesn't call during that time on family member's condition or progress. I'm sure there are many more subtle hints....
Author bravesgirl Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 soo....i'm a procrastinator and did not end it yet. He asked me if i loved him on the phone one night. So then, i evaded the question like a deer in the headlights then I was talking to him and he asked..."u still single" in a text then he had called me a little later and asked me again and I said yes. Well that was a little over a week ago and I tried calling him on tuesday but he didn't answer. He called me back on wednesday night. While we were talking he asked me again if I loved him... i evaded the question again and he told me that he loved me. WTF???
Author bravesgirl Posted March 20, 2009 Author Posted March 20, 2009 soo....i'm a procrastinator and did not end it yet. He asked me if i loved him on the phone one night. So then, i evaded the question like a deer in the headlights then I was talking to him and he asked..."u still single" in a text then he had called me a little later and asked me again and I said yes. Well that was a little over a week ago and I tried calling him on tuesday but he didn't answer. He called me back on wednesday night. While we were talking he asked me again if I loved him... i evaded the question again and he told me that he loved me. WTF??? Is it possible to love someone you have known for three months?? I have feelings for him but I really doubt love is one of them!
Mr. Lucky Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 With the current economic conditions, you can fly pretty much anywhere in the country for $99 each way. Tell him you're coming to visit him tomorrow so you can discuss your "love" face-to-face at his home... Mr. Lucky
wildsoul Posted March 20, 2009 Posted March 20, 2009 bravesgirl, You sound intelligent and reasonable. But clearly, this guy is making you feel crazy (which is what happens to sane people when they dating a crazy one.) Your alarm bells are going off for good reason. Listen to them and act accordingly.
GreenEyedLady Posted March 23, 2009 Posted March 23, 2009 Um background check next time? lol. Honestly, who does this? I don't know anyone who would conduct a background check on someone they are talking to. I think that notion is ridiculous. That's something that BS's would do after getting a divorce. Not young, single people. Bottom line:Listen to your gut. Red flags: 1. He doesn't invite you to his house. And makes some ridiculous excuse as to why. *Single guys want to get you to their house so you can see how they've got it together.* 2. He can't make plans spur of the moment. Dates are usually set up a couple weeks in advance. 3. He has kids that you've never met. 4. He doesn't introduce you to his family, though you've been dating a while. 5. He always pays with cash. 6. He seems to really like you, and calls you all the time, but you don't see him very much. Just listen to your intuition. If it seems weird, then it is. If you don't care, then own it. GEL
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