bubblebutt Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 Hi there has anyone moved in with their bf/gf only to wish they hadn't? I'm feeling panicked now that hes moved in.
AMMG Posted October 7, 2003 Posted October 7, 2003 I lived with a guy for a year and a half after we had been dating for four years and let me tell ya, it was nothing like playing house. We learned more about each other while living together than in the four years before. Needless to say things didn't work out as planned and we ended up going our separate ways. But I wouldn't take that experience back for all the money in the world. Granted, it's an overwhelming experience but what would have happened if we would have been married and then moved in together?! Now I'm actually looking for a place to live with my current boyfriend and can't wait to share this new experience with him. I guess there are good and bad things with living with your significant other but you learn so much that it's worth it. I look at it as a "make us" or "break us" type of situation and hope for the best!
Author bubblebutt Posted October 7, 2003 Author Posted October 7, 2003 My bf just moved in and I knew immediately that it isn't what I want. I feel so bad, because he is so excited and I feel trapped and sad. People tell me I should wait until the dust settles, but I'm afraid it won't do any good. I think I love the idea of the relationship and the prospect of a family, but that I don't love him. I feel like such a jerk and I am sad that I will lose someone dear to me, but I guess that is probably just the way it will be.
Santiago80 Posted October 13, 2003 Posted October 13, 2003 I've been there. I moved in with my boyfriend, after had suggested what a wonderful idea it would be. As soon as I made the move, I realized that what I had done was a mistake- but stayed because I didn't want to "hurt his feelings". I should have moved out as soon as I realized this, in order to avoid pain for us both, but I waited. My advice would be to leave as soon as possible. Things won't get better... they get worse. He will become a *different* part of your life, in that taking a shower, brushing your teeth, and doing laundry--- will all involve your boyfriend. This makes it even harder to seperate your lives later on. Living apart will HELP your relationship, and give you the space you need while you sort out your feelings on the issue. The longer you wait, the worse it gets-- and it ended our relationship. If he truly loves you-- He will understand. Good luck.
zman Posted October 13, 2003 Posted October 13, 2003 My long standing opinion on this has been that you shouldn't move in with a bf/gf unless you get engaged to him/her. If you don't love someone enough to get engaged and eventually married, then you shouldn't be moving in together. Living together is basically a de-facto marriage. You can't just break up or move out at a moment's notice if something doesn't work out, like in a regular relationship. By moving in together, you are upping the ante in a huge way. Saving money and convenience are extremely poor excuses for moving in together with a bf/gf. That's what friends are for. My grandmother says that the girl takes on all the risk of a living together without marriage relationship, while the man gets the benefits of marriage without having to take on any responsibility. She's basically right.
moimeme Posted October 14, 2003 Posted October 14, 2003 I think moving in is a vital part of the pre-marriage process. Plenty of people seem great while you're dating. Only living together will show a person's true colours. Take the case of my friend in point. They went out 18 months before living together. Now she sees how much he drinks. Now he's getting violent. Had they gotten married and not lived together first, she would've been stuck with him. As it is, they now have to sell the house, etc. These are not kids, either. People can hide some very bad flaws until you are with them 24/7 for long enough(takes about 3 months, it seems).
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