jwi71 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 5 days?!?!?!! She cheated 5 days after your wedding? FIVE?!!!?!?! I'll give you the short version of my advice: ANNULMENT or DIVORCE.
lkjh Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Thank you all for the replys.. There is obviously a majority that says to leave the girl.. I would but there are many factors invovled. We were together for 9 years and obviously that is a bit of time. I know for a fact that she hadnt done anything in the past as she was always, I repeat ALWAYS at home and or reachable. I was the one who would be going out all the time and unreachable. She had actually thought that i previously cheated on her because of that but she never asked to avoid us splitting. For the person that asked, The girl is Canadian, born and raised. However, her background is Filipino. We had the weddings in Asia for her parents sake. Why did I stay with her so long before i married her? Well lets say I had insecurity issues. I had a few bad apples in my past and even a father that was unfaithfull to my mother. I had to work these out within myself before I could marry. My mother has always told me to take my time, so it did. I am 29, she is 28. She definately wasnt my first. I have had tons before her. She had only 4 before me. One thing to note. This is completely out of character for her. All of her family is shocked. All of her friends are shocked and even those in her dance group are shocked because this is unusual behavior for her character. She is the instructor and leader of her group and has been involved with this non- profit organization for also 9 years. She had quit the dance group on Monday on her own freewill and also setup an appointment for marriage councilling for us on her own freewill. I am still on the fence about what to do although I seriously think she is being truthfull to wanting to work on our relationship. She has told me that she failed to give our marriage a chance and she knows that she has betrayed me. For that she knows will never change but she will do what it takes to make everything better. She will wait however long it takes for meto forgive her. This is just very hard because she is being very convincing. If she wanted to just be with the other guy, wouldnt she just give everything up with me now? She has even Emailed the other guys WIFE (yes, he was married too) and appologized formally and told her it was the biggest mistake and regret of her life. Why do people always talk about the SO family? What do you expect them to say..........yep we knew she would do it eventually. Be really careful about staying with her. At the very least annul the marriage and then work on a relationship with her. If you wait she will be entitled to half of everything you have. Protect yourself and then worry about her.
65tr6 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 I am still on the fence about what to do although I seriously think she is being truthfull to wanting to work on our relationship. She has told me that she failed to give our marriage a chance and she knows that she has betrayed me. . you say you are on the fence but looks like your gut says you want to work on the marriage. I would say go for it. Give it a shot. What do you have to loose ? Atleast you know you tried. This is just very hard because she is being very convincing. If she wanted to just be with the other guy, wouldnt she just give everything up with me now? . I thought you said the other guy is married. In any case, spending the time with OM and coming back home to you is one thing....eloping with OM ? Completely different.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 Nice. Totally undeserved, but thanks for the caustic response. I asked a simple question about her upbringing, you came at be with a thinly veiled 'none of your business' I poked back. Deal with it. I am sure the Asian "dancers" that you "nailed" were not .... I'm omitting the BS stereotyping. Becuase if you were so hot and succesful, you wouldnt even bother looking at those women-you would be looking for someone your equal! I reject the idea that because someone is born advantaged they are better than someone born disadvantaged, I think your attitude is sick and elitist. People in developing countries are just as good as everyone else. Ok...let me get your statement in a logical arrangement...A lot of Asia is poor...and what does that have to do with her 8 year relationship with her now wife? Some guys end up married to women from South East Asia who have become expert predators, and I was concerned that maybe this was the case. Sometimes they will date or even marry a westerner while having their 'real' family at home. Thus her background is potentially relevant. Phrases like "After she came home from Asia" made me wonder. Look where my post is in relation to the history of the thread - at the point I posted there wasn't as much information available as has since been given.
Geishawhelk Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 guys - with respect, take it to PMs - you're going to go off-topic soon, and it's slapped wrists for that. Mine are still sore.
clv0116 Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 guys - with respect, take it to PMs - you're going to go off-topic soon, and it's slapped wrists for that. Mine are still sore. Ya, well either there is a lot of wrist slapping going on or some very selective enforcement. Examples: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072838&postcount=115 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072826&postcount=113 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072797&postcount=109 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072695&postcount=83 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072790&postcount=87 And some recent threads that were completely turned into page after page of 'cute' punnery. ON TOPIC: It's pretty common for Thai and other southeast Asian women to use western men to finance their local family. This has been ingrained to the point where it's not even frowned upon in some social circles there. White men are viewed as large odd beasts who seem to have huge wads of cash to throw around and are treated as such. In the Philippines it's very common, and since his wife is a filipina I'd urge caution. Family ties there are very strong and her family will be able to wield considerable influence on her. I'd be careful if I were the OP to make sure where he really stands if he considers going forward.
Untouchable_Fire Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 We were together for 9 years and obviously that is a bit of time. I know for a fact that she hadnt done anything in the past as she was always, I repeat ALWAYS at home and or reachable. I was the one who would be going out all the time and unreachable. She had actually thought that i previously cheated on her because of that but she never asked to avoid us splitting. This is just very hard because she is being very convincing. If she wanted to just be with the other guy, wouldnt she just give everything up with me now? She has even Emailed the other guys WIFE (yes, he was married too) and appologized formally and told her it was the biggest mistake and regret of her life. Don't be a coward! She did this because deep inside she is afraid to spend the rest of her life with you! That's why she did this just as you got married. She doesn't have the guts to say to your face that she doesn't love you. Don't be an idiot. Take this for what it is and end this marriage. Maybe if things work well down the road you can remarry her, but for now you need to go back to being single.
desertmoon Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 guys - with respect, take it to PMs - you're going to go off-topic soon, and it's slapped wrists for that. Mine are still sore. How is this off-topic? Somebody obviously think that her being Asian and likely from a poor Asian country are contributing factors to her having had an affair...
desertmoon Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Ya, well either there is a lot of wrist slapping going on or some very selective enforcement. Examples: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072838&postcount=115 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072826&postcount=113 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072797&postcount=109 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072695&postcount=83 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=2072790&postcount=87 And some recent threads that were completely turned into page after page of 'cute' punnery. ON TOPIC: It's pretty common for Thai and other southeast Asian women to use western men to finance their local family. This has been ingrained to the point where it's not even frowned upon in some social circles there. White men are viewed as large odd beasts who seem to have huge wads of cash to throw around and are treated as such. In the Philippines it's very common, and since his wife is a filipina I'd urge caution. Family ties there are very strong and her family will be able to wield considerable influence on her. I'd be careful if I were the OP to make sure where he really stands if he considers going forward. Actually the wife is Canadian, of Filipino descent. You are talking about an 8 year or so relationship(fact mention on the original post)...if she wanted to milk some old, ugly caucasian man, for money she would have done so....AND if the parents (who are in the Philippines) did not want her to be married to him---THAT 2nd or 3rd church wedding wouldnt have taken place in the Philippines at all....
Chrome Barracuda Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Man I dont care where she's from annull this marriage, get all your mone together and disappear. She's probably already trying to milk him for that damn green card and half of his assets!
desertmoon Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I asked a simple question about her upbringing, you came at be with a thinly veiled 'none of your business' I poked back. Deal w/ it And I also asked a simple question. Yours apparently was not a simple question because the truth is it was coming from a place full of stereotypes, prejudice and bias. Thus, the way you responded to me....so no, you deal with it...because despite your seemingly innocent question, your were too transparent for me to let it pass. The truth is, you could have responded like you responded below.... I reject the idea that because someone is born advantaged they are better than someone born disadvantaged, I think your attitude is sick and elitist. People in developing countries are just as good as everyone else. ahm..yawn...tell that to someone who does not breathe and live "asian"! Some guys end up married to women from South East Asia who have become expert predators, and I was concerned that maybe this was the case. Sometimes they will date or even marry a westerner while having their 'real' family at home. Thus her background is potentially relevant.Ok which part of the original post did you not get? theirs was 9 year relationship...They are here in North America--Her OM is NOT in Asia--she came back from Italy--already distant from the OP. Then she went to Asia. Came back still distant(still ongoing affair with not-in-Asia OM). Wedding went through. The OP and his wife are relatively young...she has been with this guy since she was oh, like 18-19? Her affair has nothing to do with your concerns. Your concern is a product of your stereotype and bias. She probably felt like she never had a chance to get to "know" anybody else and now she is getting married(something that is forever!)! She did a foolish thing by embarking on this affair--last ditch effort to experience something "different", perhaps. Is it devastating? of course. Is the marraige salvageable? maybe...why not?
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Ok which part of the original post did you not get? The part where he said "After she came home from Asia," led me to believe her home was in Asia. Call me crazy.
desertmoon Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Man I dont care where she's from annull this marriage, get all your mone together and disappear. She's probably already trying to milk him for that damn green card and half of his assets! chrome, if you do not care where she's from why would you even bring up the green card thing? btw, don't be an typical, ignorant, American--green cards only refer to US resident alien card-she is CANADIAN-she is not a filipina who lives in Canada. She is a Canadian citizen, who lives in Canada. Just so you know, the rest of the world does not refer to their resident alien card as GREEN Card-and that US green card is not even GREEN (not since 1977, anyway),ok? But you are right, it shouldn't matter where she is from...not in this case.
desertmoon Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 The part where he said "After she came home from Asia," led me to believe her home was in Asia.Call me crazy Perhaps, next time, you should read the WHOLE sentence: It reads: "After she came home from Asia, (we took seperate flights) he picked her up from the airport and she was late 1 hour to pick me up the same day as she was with him." him=being the OM, who picked up the wife from the airport in Canada Me=the husband (OP) Note: the husband and the wife were TOGETHER in Asia, by the way... Call me crazy. I could and if I would, I would do it in four different languages !
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 "After she came home from Asia, (we took seperate flights) he picked her up from the airport and she was late 1 hour to pick me up the same day as she was with him." Still sounds to me like a woman whose home was in Asia came with her new husband back to Canada and boinked another man before she had her bags unpacked. I'm pretty sure that for most normal people the phrase "home from Asia" clearly indicates that, well, she came from Asia. In any case, she's clearly not worth keeping around. If he goes back to the Philippines he can find plenty more, maybe this time he will find one who can keep her skirt down.
AnthonyF Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Still sounds to me like a woman whose home was in Asia came with her new husband back to Canada and boinked another man before she had her bags unpacked. I'm pretty sure that for most normal people the phrase "home from Asia" clearly indicates that, well, she came from Asia. In any case, she's clearly not worth keeping around. If he goes back to the Philippines he can find plenty more, maybe this time he will find one who can keep her skirt down. Maybe he can walk down the streets of Detroit, Chicago, LA, Cleveland and find plenty more too. Incredibly inappropriate and wrong.... Can you please stop these posts showing your bigoted, racist views.
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Maybe he can walk down the streets of Detroit, Chicago, LA, Cleveland and find plenty more too. He can find tens of thousands of single young women from the Philippines on the streets of Chicago? I've only spent a little time in Chicago but honestly I think you're wrong. Why do you assume it's racist to tell him to drop his wife and, if he likes women from the Philippines, go there and find a new one? Says more about you than me tony. EDIT: This just really eats my shorts. How is telling a guy to go to the Philippines to find a new filipina anything more than practical advice? For godsake? I swear, some people just WANT to have something to cry about.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Clv0116, the reason it looks racist is that you're assuming the only reason the OP is with this woman is her ethnicity. It looks racist because you're assuming that the OP only wants a Phillippina. Telling him to go back to the Philippines and find another. And really your post about nailing asian dancers seemed more like a dig at the OP. Like maybe you knew her personally, biblically. No one hear knows if you're racist but some of your posts look like it.
AnthonyF Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 He can find tens of thousands of single young women from the Philippines on the streets of Chicago? I've only spent a little time in Chicago but honestly I think you're wrong. Why do you assume it's racist to tell him to drop his wife and, if he likes women from the Philippines, go there and find a new one? Says more about you than me tony. EDIT: This just really eats my shorts. How is telling a guy to go to the Philippines to find a new filipina anything more than practical advice? For godsake? I swear, some people just WANT to have something to cry about. You are truly ignorant...... I meant find a woman to nail (your words)..... Will post no longer to respond to your mysoginistic, racist posts.....
clv0116 Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 No one hear knows if you're racist but some of your posts look like it. Actually I prefer Asian and Latino women, I figured that if the OP spent 9 years with a woman from the Philippines he might like that type as well. I was merely pointing out that he has a lot of options and needs to get his head right.
blueintheface Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 i really want to join the idiotic race debate in your thread but it's kind of annoying when it has been hijacked from your original post. now, you say she hsa acted out of character but truthfully we usually put on our good girl/boy act to those closest to us. i suggest counselling (not to get back together) to sort out your issues and contemplate whether you do decide to work it out. you don't have to decide now.
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