soserious1 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Blind trust? I trust in knowledge gained by my direct experiences and what I've learned is that when push comes to shove people act in their own best interests. If I should have another relationship, I will enjoy it for what it in reality is, a fun,relaxing diversion. I no longer trouble myself or agonize over questions of loyalty, fidelity or honor. I figure that a man is as faithful as his options and if somebody younger or with more money comes along, whomever I'm involved with will be all over it.
soserious1 Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 So, this begs a question, and I hope this is in line with this thread... If you're NEVER going to regain that "blind trust" with ANYONE...what does that mean when you compare staying and working on reconciling your marriage with the fWS, vs deciding that there's no way to do so? I know that some posters (Dex, Reggie, others) have said that they believe that true reconciliation is impossible...because of that destroyed trust. But if the "blind faith" is gone regardless...and if your spouse does seem to "get it", makes all the appropriate changes, and you opt to give them that chance... Wouldn't it stand to reason then that the destroyed trust isn't the actual barrier? To me, it seems the REAL barrier to reconciliation...in situations where the WS is remorseful and does all that is needed...is the inability to forgive. Not the inability to rebuild trust so much...but the inability to forgive, to give them the chance. Is it the inability to ever trust that person ever again? Does that really follow through when most of us have agreed that we'll never trust ANYONE the same way again? Or is it something else? For me the issues are these. Forgiveness ? I think eventually I will be able to forgive my ex the problem here though is that I'd never be able to forget the bad things that happened,such memories would negatively color every interaction. Also, I could NEVER live in a situation where I was having to monitor,check up on, verify the actions of another adult, for me that would be totally soul killing. As to future relationships.. it's not that I've decided to never trust anyone again but rather that I've learned from my life experiences and altered my expectations to allow for the reality that people can and often do act in their own best interests even if doing such requires them to throw their SO under the bus. A future relationship would be fun,relaxing, a pleasant diversion but I will not ever again assume,expect fidelity or loyalty from anybody. I'm not going to live my life sneaking about checking emails or reading cell phone logs I figure if a guy is going to step out it'll come out in the wash eventually anyway, the best I can do is to always practice safer sex and to take whatever legal steps needed to keep my finances and cherished belongings safe.
Reggie Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Anyone think pre-nups or post nups are a good idea(assuming enforceability)?
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 Anyone think pre-nups or post nups are a good idea(assuming enforceability)?Yes! We're doing the pre-nup route. My take is that anyone who's upset or unwilling to sign a pre-nup, isn't just looking at you as a person. In essence, they have either one or both eyes on your wallet.
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