Graciella Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Hello, my name is Grace, and I am completely embarrassed to have to be asking this question here, but this is a little better than going to my friends with this question. Let me also point out that I'm horrible at picking up "signals" that someone is interested in me, and that I've been out of circulations for about 3 years (I was widowed 3 years ago and married for over two years). Anyway, on Saturday nights I'm a rodeo secretary (yes, rodeo, with cowboys and bulls and the like) and there's this one bullrider from Brazil who always has kinda hung around me, went out of his way to always say "hello" to me and always greeted me with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. My friends all kept insisting he liked me, which was okay, I mean, he's cute and very nice, and I like him, but again, I'm horrible with signals and kinda rusty. And, since this guy (We'll call him "Lee") speaks limited English, I've been kinda taking anything he said that sounded sorta flirty as him maybe not understanding the words he was saying. And then last Saturday night, Lee comes over and seems a little pensive, but he asks if I'll be there (at the rodeo) all night. Strange, since I always am there all night, but I told him "yes." He says, "Okay, I'll be back" but that didn't happen until the intermission between the first round and the championship round. When Lee did "come back" I noticed he'd changed out of his dirty, dusty bullriding jeans and into a clean, tight fitting pair of jeans, complete with this shiny buckle...and he asked if I was busy later, said that he and "the boys" go out for a drink after the rodeos, and would I like to come. Well, what the hell, I said I'd go...I mean, I do like him...and this kinda sounded like he was asking me out...but there were going to be other people there...so, I'm still not sure what you call that. He wanted to leave for the bar/restuarant before his friends left, so we ended up getting there early and getting a table for 6, but it was only he and I for a good 20 minutes, talking, and then when his friends got there (all Brazilians, only one of who spoke English) they seemed to notice we were talking, and instead of coming over to the table, they went to the bar and Lee and I ended up having almost an hour of one on one time before they did come over and join us. At the end of the night, Lee paid for my drink and the appetizer we split, and we all walked out to the parking lot as a group, they were getting into their truck, I was about to head for my car, but Lee stopped to say goodbye to me, and then kissed me, just closed lipped, on the mouth, quickly. I was kinda surprised, was wondering what to do not to screw things up, but while I was, Lee kinda laughed a little (I think he was nervous, not sure) and leaned in again and kissed me softly and quickly on the neck, then pulled away, and said he'd call me, and that we'd "go to a better place" this coming Saturday. Huh? Okay, so help me here...what the hell was this? Was it a date? Or is he just trying to get somewhere fast? I'm really confused, and I don't know what to expect this coming Saturday night...or if I should just maybe tell him I'm busy? I mean, he said he'd call me, and it's Tuesday, and he has't called...okay, it's early, but still...is anyone getting that feeling? Thanks for whatever you can suggest about my stupid problem! You'd think by now I'd have these things figured out, but I'm like...retarded when it comes to relationships... Grace
2sure Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 lol. Yes Grace! It was a date. By any standards, given the second kiss. It sounds as though he was nervous to ask and also as though his friends knew he was going with you. Honestly, to me it sounds terribly sweet. If he was looking for a quick "something" he would have been aggressive in the good night kiss. He will call. Its only Tuesday. He is thinking you have a date on Saturday, whether or not he was specific.
Ronni_W Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I guess it kind of depends on one's definition of a "date" . For myself, I'd have called something like that a "having a drink", and assumed the intention was to (each) get a sense of whether or not having another drink at some point in the future, is something of interest. I would see it as being appropriately cautious and taking it slow, and read the kiss as a sign that he is interested. Totally agree with you that how he acted can definitely be perceived as him being a little nervous, too. I'd have ZERO expectations for coming Saturday night (until he calls and makes definite plans, that is) and, IF I LIKE HIM, wouldn't really hold it against him for however long he takes to call. (For some reason, guys seem to think that they're supposed to wait for however many days -- there must be a "guy code manual" someplace that women obviously had no input in helping to write .) He is interested. Have fun on your next "having a drink"
Author Graciella Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Wow, thanks 2Sure and Ronni_W! I really wasn't expecting my silly question would even get one answer, let along two! I really appreciate you both sharing your perspectives on this. I could have asked my friends what they thought, but then I'd have to endure endless snarky remarks, and of course be subject to the whole "So, did Lee call yet?" And as of Wednesday morning, no he hasn't...maybe he's thinking he doesn't have to call since we'll see each other at the rodeo on Saturday night? Or, (and this is my newest ridiculous and obsessive thought) he thinks I'm not interested, because I didn't really kiss kiss him whe he kissed me, because I honestly wasn't expecting it...but then, I don't think he'd have kissed me on the neck if he thought I wasn't into him. Who knows...I hope he calls, just because he said he was going to. And maybe I should just stop harping on this "he hasn't called yet" crap...yeah, this is what I hate about liking somebody. Any tips on how to deal with all this anxiety? I haven't been through this in over 5 years...this is worse then when you used to exercise all the time, stop for a few months and then get back at it again... Thanks again! Grace
Mahatma Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Well, sounds like a version of a date to me. It was definitely a date in his mind. We guys find it is much easier to do something very subtle for the first date because if it doesn't go well we claim it was not really a date and we were just out "for a drink." Clearly he likes you and his friends know.
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I have to admit, I would not like a guy to just assume we were going out because he said it. But you like each other, and his other actions dont make him sound like a player. He may not know the rules! There is a culture and a language factor here as well. He should call you prior to Saturday. But if he doesnt, do you want to go out with him Saturday night? If you do, then go, the hell with the rules. If you are bothered by it, simply mention that when he didnt call you didnt expect to do anything afterwards. You can either add that you made other plans (and not go this time) or you can add that you can go, but just for an hour. He will get the message.
Mahatma Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I have to admit, I would not like a guy to just assume we were going out because he said it. But you like each other, and his other actions dont make him sound like a player. He may not know the rules! There is a culture and a language factor here as well. He should call you prior to Saturday. But if he doesnt, do you want to go out with him Saturday night? If you do, then go, the hell with the rules. If you are bothered by it, simply mention that when he didnt call you didnt expect to do anything afterwards. You can either add that you made other plans (and not go this time) or you can add that you can go, but just for an hour. He will get the message. I agree with the whole assuming they were going out again, but it depends how it was said. If it was like a serious "we're going to go out again," I would be a little worried that he may be a controlling type of guy. However, if he was playfully saying it, I do not see the harm in it. Also, with the whole calling thing, he is probably just as clueless as you are in relationships. He sounded nervous and you mentioned he was too. He is probably trying to play it the best he can and is probably taking hints from his buddies to wait on calling you.
Author Graciella Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Thank you Mahatma, it's really nice to get a guy's perspective on this! I laughed when you said Lee is likely as clueless as I am.lol I actually hope that is the case! It's much more comforting to think we're on the same level, rather than trying to aspire to be something we're not! It's just kinda weird to think that a guy who ties himself to a bull for a living would be so nervous about something like this. And when Lee mentioned next Saturday night, I think it was more of a "we'll do this again" kinda thing, and he was going to call me to give me details...at least, that's my interpretation...which admittedly isn't good for much. I'd just like him call because that's what he said he'd do... And thank you again, 2Sure! No, the whole "we're going out because I said we were" scenario isn't at all attractive, so I hope it doesn't turn out to be that. Do I want to go out with him again? Yes! So, I hope he calls, and if he doesn't call, that he at least asks on Saturday night. Oh, and just so you know, I think I'm shaking off at least some of the rust...was thinking this morning that I have 3 competition shirts (that bullriders wear) in my closet that belonged to my late husband, and maybe Lee could use them...and then it dawned on me...how horrible would it be to go out on our 2nd "date" or "having a drink" or whatever, and say to him, "Here, you can have these shirts, they belonged to my dead husband!":lmao: Yup...totally retarded when it comes to relationships...but at least I caught myself on that one!lol Thanks again! Grace
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Yes - also voting for "date." He sounds hawt. I don't think he sounds like a player, either. Sounded to me like he likes you and not just necessarily for sex. Looks like he probably told his friends about liking you, too (them staying at the bar when they saw you were with him) - good sign! Have fun and enjoy the "ride."
Star Gazer Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I guess I'm the only one who doesn't think it was a "date." I consider it to be a last-minute hang-out of drinks and food with a group of friends, that developed into an intimate moment at the end of the night. A "date" is pre-planned and doesn't involve either party's friends.
dreamergrl Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I guess I'm the only one who doesn't think it was a "date." I consider it to be a last-minute hang-out of drinks and food with a group of friends, that developed into an intimate moment at the end of the night. A "date" is pre-planned and doesn't involve either party's friends. You're not alone, I agree. Although I think he does like you and will ask you out on a real date.
RogueAC Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I guess I'm the only one who doesn't think it was a "date." I consider it to be a last-minute hang-out of drinks and food with a group of friends, that developed into an intimate moment at the end of the night. A "date" is pre-planned and doesn't involve either party's friends. I'd agree this wasn't a "date" just a last minute hang-out/drink. Although, it sounds like there is some interest but it hasn't gone into the realm of dating yet. Try to manage your expectations and see what develops. Good luck!
Star Gazer Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Good to know I wasn't being silly. I do agree that he does sound attracted and interested. However, interested in what has yet to be determined.
Author Graciella Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Okay, so to qualify as "date" this would have had to have been more formal...yeah, I get that, thanks! But, everyone seems to agree that he's into me, so good, I've got that. And yeah, I was thinking that eventually, if this thing with him persists, we've got to go out without his "boys" hanging at the bar...I'm just trying not to put the cart before the horse on that one. I did just think of something, though! Of the group of guys that was there that night, only one of them spoke English really well, and I think Lee might have wanted him there as a "back up translator" if that makes sense? As it was he and I spent about five minutes trying to communicate what he meant by "morcego" when he was telling me about Brazil...he didn't know the English for that word, and finally looked over at his English speaking friend at the bar and said, "Morcego?" Only to have his friend look at him strangely and then look up at the ceiling, but then just shook his head. Well, no wonder, "morcego" means "bat!":laugh: Anyway, thanks to all who have chosen to comment! You're really helping me get things in perspective and stop most of the "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! What's happening?" feeling that has been with me ever since last Saturday! Grace
2sure Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Well Grace, the good news is that if you do give him your deceased husband's old clothes, he will never understand your explantion.
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