Bluebird In My Heart Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I was thinking of starting NC, but not telling this guy I am doing so - and I must admit that a part of me thought about doing it that way because many times I would hear, "Talk to you later!" and I was kept waiting and wondering until he deigned to contact me at his convenience. So...turnabout...? In other words, let him wait and wonder for once! Meh. Can't do that though, lol... Important to know: he is back with his lady, and being friends isn't working. For me. But the relationship is rocky and there is a chance we could get together in the future, but of course only if he is free and he properly dates me. However, for my sanity it is best I feel to go NC and treat it like a loss. Move on, and whatever happens, happens. It's for the best. I don't hate him, all's fair and all that. Feeling pissy atm, but what can you do? That feeling will go away, so it's okay. In these circumstances, it probably would be best to let him know I'm going NC and why, though, right? Hee. Even though it's tempting I won't just go off like that. Having considered it makes me wonder, though... ...I am wondering about anyone who went NC and didn't tell the person that is what they were doing - what in the world did the ex think? I know I'd be worried if someone did it to me.
Meaplus3 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I was thinking of starting NC, but not telling this guy I am doing so He will catch on quick when you don't contact him. However, for my sanity it is best I feel to go NC and treat it like a loss. Move on, and whatever happens, happens. It's for the best. Yes.. keep thinking this way and you will be able to stick to NC. In these circumstances, it probably would be best to let him know I'm going NC and why, though, right? No. Simply don't contact him. Best way to start. Mea:)
2sure Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 To go NC and not have the person notice....would be beyond sad. If there is a chance of that...you might feel better about the whole thing to tell him.
Truly Lost Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 To be honest, if this guy is back with his last girlfriend, I'm pretty sure he doesn't really care if you go NC or not. Actually, he would probably prefer that you did go NC and leave him alone, so he can carry on with this other girl. If or when this girl doesn't work out, then he may notice that he hasn't heard from you in a while. Truth is, severing contact is for your benefit only. He's got his mind on other things right now. All these break ups have different situations that lead to the split, but if the person isn't emotionally or physically available to you, then you owe it to yourself to try and accept as quickly as possible your new single status. The quickest way to do that is not communicating with the person that caused you pain.
Author Bluebird In My Heart Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 He will catch on quick when you don't contact him. Mea:) ... *** To go NC and not have the person notice....would be beyond sad. If there is a chance of that...you might feel better about the whole thing to tell him. I think I will... I'm thinking it would be best to state it plainly as I did above, I doubt he could argue with the logic of "I care for you too much to have anything less than a *proper* relationship with you, if that time should ever come...ect." I just don't wish to throw myself away... At least this way he will be aware of why, we can both get on with things. No distractions. *** To be honest, if this guy is back with his last girlfriend, I'm pretty sure he doesn't really care if you go NC or not. Actually, he would probably prefer that you did go NC and leave him alone, so he can carry on with this other girl. I do think it would be best for all concerned if we didn't speak anymore, quite right on that score. I somehow doubt he would prefer it though - since he is always the one who initiates contact. Always. Frankly, there's a part of me that thinks I am fulfilling some need of his that hasn't been in his R., therefore making it easier on him. At my expense, since I care for him deeply. They need to work this out without anyone else in the picture, get some clarity, whatever - idk. If or when this girl doesn't work out, then he may notice that he hasn't heard from you in a while. Truth is, severing contact is for your benefit only. He's got his mind on other things right now. ...I am trying not to think of what he has on his mind (or doesn't), as much as possible. One of the reasons I feel the need to detach is the over-analysis of him, his needs, ect. I need to get back to me. I can't control him, can't "figure him out". It's enough to get on with my life and take care of myself. I feel I've lost myself in this in a way. It's going to feel different, getting back to me - but damn, looking forward to it. I love this man, I truly do, but I am feel exhausted/relieved/scared. Depends on the minute. All these break ups have different situations that lead to the split, but if the person isn't emotionally or physically available to you, then you owe it to yourself to try and accept as quickly as possible your new single status. The quickest way to do that is not communicating with the person that caused you pain. Ugh. I feel a deep empty feeling in my stomach right now. You are correct, my dear. The whole "never again" thing, though? *ouch!* I know, I know. Thank you. *** I want the erasing thing they did in the movie, 'Eternal Sunshine...' Huh. Interesting. Actually, no I don't. I've learned too much. *hugs*
gd26 Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 If you are going to tell him that you are going NC from here onwards, then you'd better mean it. Do not do it with the intent of getting a reaction out of him... which is what I think you are trying to accomplish, as if you didn't care, you wouldn't see the need to tell him anyways. The fact that you've posted this thread means that you do care about his reaction, which concerns me. In this case, I'd say it's best not to say anything and work on moving forward on your own. That way if you slip in the future and make contact with him, at least you don't look foolish for having told that you won't be contacting him and then end up contacting him. All that is just too much drama anyways.
Author Bluebird In My Heart Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 If you are going to tell him that you are going NC from here onwards, then you'd better mean it. Do not do it with the intent of getting a reaction out of him... which is what I think you are trying to accomplish, as if you didn't care, you wouldn't see the need to tell him anyways. The fact that you've posted this thread means that you do care about his reaction, which concerns me. I do care. I didn't want (still don't want), him to worry if I am ok or not - and contact me for that reason. We haven't gone more than a few days at the most w/out talking for ages. It's been over a week now and I am getting message after message - I've been ignoring them all. My head is clearing (mostly b/c I've come to terms with it somewhat even prior to taking a break from all of this), and it's been nice -- yet I am certainly not used to ignoring someone like this, so that bothers me. In this case, I'd say it's best not to say anything and work on moving forward on your own. That way if you slip in the future and make contact with him, at least you don't look foolish for having told that you won't be contacting him and then end up contacting him. All that is just too much drama anyways. That is exactly what I've done. At first, I was going to explain it, but on further reflection I decided not to, just play it by ear for the reason you described - but also, I know that no matter how I tried to explain it, it would not be enough - I'd always think there was more to say...or he would try to get his side of the story out there...and it would just be drama, exactly what you said! Best to just lay low. I like it best because the focus is where it should be this way. Thank you for the response. I especially like the, "...you better mean it." That is sooo true, and that is why it is best to just lay low and not say a word right now...detachment what I am after...and I am getting it. Thanks again.
Narf Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 hello... Just becareful... NC is easy when they are still wanting to talk cause you still think in the back of your mind.. Look he is still trying to talk to me!! It is when they go silent too that it hurts... Be prepared focus is where you want it now... but when the focus from him is off you stay strong!!!
D-Lish Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 hello... Just becareful... NC is easy when they are still wanting to talk cause you still think in the back of your mind.. Look he is still trying to talk to me!! It is when they go silent too that it hurts... Be prepared focus is where you want it now... but when the focus from him is off you stay strong!!! You really have gone the right way by just going into ignore mode. It has more impact when you disappear without explanation....way more impact. It's true that he may stop trying to contact you- that is when you will be most tempted to reach out again.... trust me when I tell you DON"T do it. As long as he is with someone else- you are doing the right thing. I have done this with an ex- and everytime I think he's finally backed off and isn't going to contact me again....he contacts me. I stay away from him because he has said he doesn't want any commitment- so I simply won't disrespect myself by being sexually or emotionally available to him whenever he wants my contact. When he stops messages, you WILL be tempted to renew his interest by breaking NC, but don't do it. Of course this will drive him crazy- but tough for him, because he is with someone else. You can't remain friends with someone you have feelings for, you just can't. How does remaining friends with him benefit you? It doesn't. All that tells him is that you're okay with waiting and him not making any decisions. It's like giving him the green light that it's okay with you that he has both of you.... I think you're doing the right thing here. You really have to let this sink in with him that you are gone. Right now- your silence is your power, and you do this for you- not to spite him. Good for you for deciding what you did and following through. It's hard, but regardless of the outcome- you'll come out on top.
sad_panda Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 NC is easy when they are still wanting to talk cause... It is when they go silent too that it hurts... Too true. Oh well.
janjan Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 hello... Just becareful... NC is easy when they are still wanting to talk cause you still think in the back of your mind.. Look he is still trying to talk to me!! It is when they go silent too that it hurts... Be prepared focus is where you want it now... but when the focus from him is off you stay strong!!! Well sometimes they know they've done **** beyond repair, and they are too cowardly to face you and will come with some bull**** justification. In that case, you should be thankful, because to talk to them and hear that will really make you crazy. i know in my case, she would tell me some crap about 'i just want to be happy', and if i hear that, i will flip the f out.
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