AnthonyF Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I remember Dan Savage (The Stranger) who writes a very funny, no holds barred relationship/sex syndicated column and a letter and responses that followed. Based on a Joan Sewell's book I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, which I found very sad. Seems like many of our situations.... http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=175188 http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=175188 A funny response and interesting reader comments.
GorillaTheater Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 "And finally, a word about a book I have read: In The God Delusion, Richard Dawkins tears into the intelligent design idjits. I feel bad about piling on—almost. Hey, intelligent design idjits? If God really wants us to have heterosexual sex only, and then only within the bounds of holy matrimony, and if adultery offends Him so much—it's a stoning offense, right up there with gay sex—how come He designed men and women to be sexually incompatible? Well, I should say that He designed straight men and straight women to be sexually incompatible. Lesbian couples, with their bags of Doritos, and gay couples, with our mutually insatiable sexual appetites, seem pretty intelligently designed. Thank you, Jesus!" LOL! Even as a Christian (albeit one with serious if not crippling theological issues), THIS was funny.
taylor Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I remember Dan Savage (The Stranger) who writes a very funny, no holds barred relationship/sex syndicated column and a letter and responses that followed. Based on a Joan Sewell's book I'd Rather Eat Chocolate: Learning to Love My Low Libido, which I found very sad. Seems like many of our situations.... http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=175188 http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?oid=175188 Just another man complaining about sexless marriages and justifications to cheat. YAWN BTW, sex and chocolate together is fun...whipped cream and chocolate syrup...YUM.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I think there is a study that is linking low libidos in women to eating wedding cake.
Author AnthonyF Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 Just another man complaining about sexless marriages and justifications to cheat. YAWN BTW, sex and chocolate together is fun...whipped cream and chocolate syrup...YUM. Sorry, I thought it was funny, especially the response by Dan and the women clamouring that this was false. More ho hum or scary was the author Joan Sewell and her comments about libido and views on sex. BTW, what is normal? And don't say there is no such thing. Tired of that pap. Is once a week okay, too much, too little? I am continually bothered by this. Sorry if I think like a male and say if you have a good marriage, little discernable outside stress (outside the normal), consider each other attractive and still in love that 15-20 times/yr is not an awful lot......
JackJack Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 New studies come out everyday on something it seems.
PandorasBox Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 What is normal for one might not be for another...so yes, it does depend.
Author AnthonyF Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 What is normal for one might not be for another...so yes, it does depend. If someone in a long-term relationship says they do it every day, I will tell them that is not normal. If they say 2-3 times a week, I'd say "wow, good for you". Once a week, I'd say they "shouldn't/better not complain". About once a month, I'd say "too bad". Less then that I feel bad for them..... Really not that hard for me to put a # on it..... Tired of people saying you can't quantify it. If a male (or female) came on this site and complained about the lack of sex, and stated that they were having it "every other day", we'd all tell them they are nuts and have "issues".....
taylor Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I think there is a study that is linking low libidos in women to eating wedding cake. CHOCCOLATE wedding cake, Dexter???
JackJack Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 If someone in a long-term relationship says they do it every day, I will tell them that is not normal. If they say 2-3 times a week, I'd say "wow, good for you". Once a week, I'd say they "shouldn't/better not complain". About once a month, I'd say "too bad". Less then that I feel bad for them..... Really not that hard for me to put a # on it..... Tired of people saying you can't quantify it. If a male (or female) came on this site and complained about the lack of sex, and stated that they were having it "every other day", we'd all tell them they are nuts and have "issues"..... So is your issue, that you're not getting enough sex?
Author AnthonyF Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 So is your issue, that you're not getting enough sex? Let's just say if I got it once a week, I better not be complaining to anyone (whether I do want it more).....
JackJack Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Let's just say if I got it once a week, I better not be complaining to anyone (whether I do want it more)..... So if you did get it just once a week, and you did wish to get it more...are you sayign you wouldn't dare talk to your wife about it? Or have you?
Author AnthonyF Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 So if you did get it just once a week, and you did wish to get it more...are you sayign you wouldn't dare talk to your wife about it? Or have you? I was saying I wouldn't complain on this site or b**ch to friends I was not getting enough (and telling them I was getting it weekly)..... I am convinced we all think and want more, and if we got that much, we'd complain that it was too much and we couldn't keep up....
taylor Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 If someone in a long-term relationship says they do it every day, I will tell them that is not normal. If they say 2-3 times a week, I'd say "wow, good for you". Once a week, I'd say they "shouldn't/better not complain". About once a month, I'd say "too bad". Less then that I feel bad for them..... I think your numbers are reasonable here, Anthony. Of course, with generalizations of this nature, there will always be exceptions. When my husband and I were first married, we had sex every day and 2 or 3 times a day on weekends. (fantastic ) Once the kids came, the sex dropped to 1-2 times during the week and once a day on weekends. Change in focus, stress, fatigue, "mommy mode" to blame. (Tolerated it, sometimes unhappy but didn't dwell on it ) Caring for an elderly family member in addition to caring for children dropped the sex rate to 1-2 times a week. (Strained, more difficulty tolerating it ) Emotional distancing/Marital troubles/Issues dropped the sex rate to 1-2 times a month. (Very difficult to tolerate, unhappy and irritable, questioning each other's desires, pressure, accusations ) During my emotional affair, sex with my husband became close to non-existant...birthdays, holidays.(Unbearable, very unhappy, irritable, many psychologically damaging effects ) Now that we have been in recovery, we enjoy sex 4-6 times a week...sometimes more. (best quality ever...happy:)) I think there are alot of factors that affect sexual frequency. Bottom line is if you are unhappy with the frequency, it isn't enough. And if you are happy with the frequency, that's what's normal for you.
JackJack Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I was saying I wouldn't complain on this site or b**ch to friends I was not getting enough (and telling them I was getting it weekly)..... I am convinced we all think and want more, and if we got that much, we'd complain that it was too much and we couldn't keep up.... OK, got it!
taylor Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Let's just say if I got it once a week, I better not be complaining to anyone (whether I do want it more)..... Anthony, I read your other post and responded to it. I think you are more vested in your relationship than your wife. It seems like there is always one that is the "caretaker" of the relationship. You seem to be the caretaker of yours. I also get the impression your wife takes you for granted. You give, but she doesn't reciprocate in the same way. Are you saying you wouldn't tell your wife you wanted sex more than once a week, perhaps out of fear your complaining would make her cut it off altogether (the sex, that is)?
Dexter Morgan Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 CHOCCOLATE wedding cake, Dexter??? No.....ANY wedding cake.
trubella Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 apparently there arent men with low sex drives and women with high sex drives dont exist, which i think is total BS coming from this article. we do exist, may not be as common but there are some of us who actually want sex and could dump the chocolate if need be. i've wanted sex on a daily basis for 10 years now but none of my SOs in the past could handle that until i met the current SO, who i'm alot more compatible with in that area. think it all comes down to a match of sex drives. its not about women vs mens libidos.. its about the person in general.
Dexter Morgan Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 i've wanted sex on a daily basis for 10 years now but none of my SOs in the past could handle that until i met the current SO, who i'm alot more compatible with in that area. Ya, but the question is....did you eat wedding cake? And not just any wedding cake....your own wedding cake?
taylor Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Ya, but the question is....did you eat wedding cake? And not just any wedding cake....your own wedding cake? Maybe couples should opt for cookies and pie at their wedding, rather than cake. (they sure can make those wedding cakes pretty, tho, with all those frostied decorations, flowers, etc...rather tempting)
taylor Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I just read an article on low libido in women (just out of curiosity) and it said about 30% of women experience this at some point during their lives. It said low libido has several causes: relationship problems bedroom boredom life stressors shifting hormones depression just to name a few. The article goes on to say that men also experience a loss of libido but he cause is usually just one...a drop in testosterone. Women's libido problems can be complicated. Guess you have to get to the root cause..eliminating all the others. The article also said many women are upset or embarrassed when they lose sexual desire/interest and can be frustrated by this loss of libido. But the good news is low libido isn't a life sentence. It can be fixed. I can't imagine any woman choosing celibacy over physical intimacy...that is, if she has a choice, ie, a man she loves sleeping next to her every night.
clv0116 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Everyone is different but 1-3 times during the week and 1-3 on the weekend works for me. I don't see that changing unless there is a medical problem.
Author AnthonyF Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 I just read an article on low libido in women (just out of curiosity) and it said about 30% of women experience this at some point during their lives. It said low libido has several causes: relationship problems bedroom boredom life stressors shifting hormones depression just to name a few. The article goes on to say that men also experience a loss of libido but he cause is usually just one...a drop in testosterone. Women's libido problems can be complicated. Guess you have to get to the root cause..eliminating all the others. The article also said many women are upset or embarrassed when they lose sexual desire/interest and can be frustrated by this loss of libido. But the good news is low libido isn't a life sentence. It can be fixed. I can't imagine any woman choosing celibacy over physical intimacy...that is, if she has a choice, ie, a man she loves sleeping next to her every night. And there is the answer..... Women react so differently to these outside influences. relationship problems - Understandable to some degree, but men look to sex to improve those problems and work on them. bedroom boredom - Speak up, tell us what you want, participate and you may be surprised life stressors - Yes, we all have them and they get worse a you age. Again for men this is a release and a chance to forget about them for 30 minutes... shifting hormones - Understood and we have to be patient depression - Again understood....
Author AnthonyF Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Everyone is different but 1-3 times during the week and 1-3 on the weekend works for me. I don't see that changing unless there is a medical problem. Wow, between you, Trubella and Taylor some are getting a lot more then I thought.... BTW my wife would claim that it was all lies.....
JackJack Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Wow, between you, Trubella and Taylor some are getting a lot more then I thought.... BTW my wife would claim that it was all lies..... So I guess letting her read some of these posts to try to convince her otherwise would be out of the question? Are you really ok with having sex once a week? I still say you need to talk with her about this if its not something you're really ok with. Do you feel if you truly tried to talk to her, she will shoot you down?
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