xxscarredxx Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I've been in an on/off relationship with my gf for almost a year in a 1/2 now. I'm learning things about her that are starting to turn me off; i.e., her continuous bragging about her "advanced" education and her 4.0, the desire to be "fisted" while sex, and etc. Well, my confession is... My lease is up in 3 months, and I'm considering moving.. without telling her. I think about just picking up and leaving while she's away at work. We don't live together, so that's the least of my worries. I also dream of changing my phone number, right after I move. The last couple of times I've tried to leave her, she'll either re-surface on myspace, or threaten suicide if I go. What else can I do?
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Don't listen to the suicide threat. Someone so full of her own self-importance (remember she has to guide you in every thing you do every step of the way) will not ultimately do damage to her most valuable asset - ie, her.... If she threatens suicide, tell her: "If that's what you want to do, that's your choice, but I will not feel guilty for it. You can't do something as dumb as that, then try to put the blame on me. It won't work. You decide to do it - it's all on you, I ain't taking none of it." Moving and braking up with her that way is really low, though, and shows a lack of spine or character. You're not serious, are you? Come on! If you're that spineless, maybe all the things you complained about in the other thread, have some foundation....? Stop now, that's just silly.....
Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 What? That seems odd. I mean, she has threatened suicide if you break up with her? If thats what you feel you need to do to end your relationship, then do it. Or maybe try talking to her, it just seems odd to me you would pick up and leave without letting her know. But I dont know your whole situation.
Author xxscarredxx Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 Thank you guys for responding. No, not serious, but I do think about it. I know I don't have the heart to do it, because I wouldn't want the same treatment done to me. But yes, she has threatned suicide in the past.. more than once. I'm just tired of walking on eggshells with it all. At times I feel manipulated by her. I just want some peace.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 or threaten suicide if I go. She isn't going to kill herself. She's manipulating and guilting you into not leaving her. If she is THAT serious about killing herself and you feel it is a possibility, then tell her family what's been going on.
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 THis is the second time in two days I've seen the word 'Love' and 'Manipulated' in one post - as if they go hand in hand, in a relationship. (I know the word love isn't actually mentioned, but we're talking about an intimate couples relationship here!) Folks - they don't. They never should. It's sick, it's unhealthy and it's a very bad sign. If this is how you feel, then either consider counselling (do you feel it's worth it?) or leave. It's that simple.
Ronni_W Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I wouldn't want the same treatment done to me. But yes, she has threatned suicide in the past.. more than once. Congrats for living by the "Golden Rule" . I so wish that more people would. The best response to a suicide threat is along the lines of, "Well, suicide is an option, of course. It's not one I'd recommend so I'd suggest you seek professional counsel before you make your final decision. BUT I'm not foolish enough to think I have the power to stop you, if that's what you really want to do (and/or, if that is what your Soul is guiding you to do)." Particularly effective when you strongly suspect that the drama of suicide threat is simply designed to manipulate and control you.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Do what feels best. If you feel that moving out and changing your info is what you need to do than do it. I don't feel that her threatening you with the suicide is right. Have you talked to her parents or close friends about what she is saying to you? Maybe they can get her some help. That whole myspace and networking websites, just cancel those accounts for awhile or for good until you settle down to where you need to go.
Author xxscarredxx Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I don't feel that her threatening you with the suicide is right. Have you talked to her parents or close friends about what she is saying to you? Maybe they can get her some help. That whole myspace and networking websites, just cancel those accounts for awhile or for good until you settle down to where you need to go. She claims she doesn't have family, and she really doesn't keep friends too long. We've tried counseling, but it just turns into another screamfest when we get home because she's the type that thinks that she's so smart, she's never wrong. Oh, and I did shut my myspace down for awhile, but I lost too many friends in the process. So I just re-opened a profile, but I have the settings set on private so she can't view my page unless I add her. So bottom line is.. she puts the burden off on me that she has no family, and if I leave her, I'd be just as rotten as the family she left behind.
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Do you know for sure her family is all rotten? Or do you just have her word for it....? Everyone's rotten except her, huh? Look, you don't sound happy. At all. Up to you whether you continue sounding 'not happy' for the long haul - or for the short term.
Author xxscarredxx Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 All I can take is her word for it.. I've never met her family. She says they live in California and Michigan.. they dispise her for being smart and biracial. She claims they've all lied to her. But she fails to realize is, she can't take anyone else's word or opinion, because her 4.0 makes her smart and right all the time. You're right. I'm not happy. I want out, but she always finds a way to keep me feeling guilty and with her.
Shygirl15 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 My lease is up in 3 months, and I'm considering moving.. without telling her. I think about just picking up and leaving while she's away at work. We don't live together, so that's the least of my worries. I also dream of changing my phone number, right after I move. Seems like you already have a perfect plan in place. Go for it!
stillafool Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 She sounds like a bore! I don't blame you for wanting to leave her. BTW, people who want to commit suicide do it, they don't tell people they are going to do it. She wants control over you. Leave today!
kizik Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 she always finds a way to keep me feeling guilty and with her. She doesn't do anything to you. You're thinking like a victim. To quote Radiohead: "You do it to yourself." Maybe it's time to man up, and start asking for, and getting, what you want.
Green Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I'm in a similar situation accept I don't want to break up with my gf. I love my gf to pieces but some times when we get in an arguement she threatens suicide... she did it the other night and I told her if she says it again I'm going to shave my head. I also explained to her that I wouldn't feel guilty if she did kill herself and I would be mad at her for being so selfish. My gf also has abandonment issues I don't forsee breaking up with her but the entire suicide threat thing during fights is so sick. Personaly If I were you and I wanted to break up with my gf I would just come clean and tell her its over and then if she threatens suicide have her committed
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I agree with that. Any 'suffering' you're going through here, is your choice. So choose. Stay or go?
kizik Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 The kind of things we deal with just to have a vagina around makes me want to vomit.
Ilovehim Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 if you want my two cents...you shoudl talk to her and tell her what is bothering you about her that you're serious and its making you change how you feel...LET HER KNOW YOU ARE SERIOUS! Then if she doesnt change, you should go..but please talk to her first.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 All I can take is her word for it.. I've never met her family. She says they live in California and Michigan.. they dispise her for being smart and biracial. She claims they've all lied to her. But she fails to realize is, she can't take anyone else's word or opinion, because her 4.0 makes her smart and right all the time. You're right. I'm not happy. I want out, but she always finds a way to keep me feeling guilty and with her. I don't think it matters if she has a 4.0 and feels that she is smarter than everyone else, I just think that she is manipulating you. YOU need to be selfish and put yourself first before her. That is when you will realize that it would be easier for you to be done with everything. It's nothing wrong with having a good heart like you have, but it's wrong for staying with her when she is clearly taking advantage of you. Obviously there is more to what she is saying about her family and why she doesn't have friends for long that she is not telling you.
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