mr.dream merchant Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Some of you may remember my thread awhile back asking for tips on V-Day. Well it turned out that my GF came down with a serious cold on V-Day and I spent all of V-Day, and the following week, taking care of her because she was ill. I had no problem being sneezed on, coughed on, kissing her, having sex with her, tongue kissing, any and all kind of risk of getting what she had, I took it, because I didn't care as long as I could be with her. Now here I sit, with a bitch of a cold, HIDING IT from her because she stated on Sunday that if I were to get sick, she wouldn't want to see me because she doesn't want to get sick in the midst of starting her new job which by now, she's already on her second day. Today on the phone with her, I was faking being at work and not sick, but in reality I was pretty sick and at home resting. She noticed I was pretty stuffy and found out I was sick. I haven't seen her since Saturday and I've been waiting since Saturday to see her tmrw. Along with this wait, 9 hours out of the day, I don't get to hear from her, so its a long day alone from that factor already. Upon finding out that I am sick with her cold, she says she does not want to see me until I get better because she doesn't want to risk catching a cold while she's starting her new job. Man I don't know whether to be upset or understanding because its such a slap in the damn face that I'm sick with her illness because I took care of her the whole time she was ill, risking it all, just to keep her company and happy only to hear her say she doesn't want to see me because I'm ill. Being affectionate and caring doesn't pay off at all.
likestolaugh Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 you were also pretty stupid to be getting that intimate with her while she was sick though... did she demand that you do that? I mean a peck on the lips is one thing.... but...
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Yup. There's love and there's foolhardy. Still, you should tell her you feel slighted.... I mean, really, you should get what you give, in terms of affection. But you were a bit of a chump, in a way.....
manugeorge Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 You took care of her because you wanted to, out of your own free will, not because you expected her to return the favor, right?. She just started a new job, calling in sick on her first week on the job is not really something her employer will look favorably on so it's understandable that she doesn't want to get sick. There is a bigger picture here, try to see that. Bean counting in a relationship is something you should avoid doing. If, however, you see a pattern of you ALWAYS giving and she ALWAYS taking, then by all means, have that discussion.
carhill Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Interesting how she has an equally small knowledge of how the immune system works as to how to behave in an intimate relationship. I married one of those. I'd advise against that
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I'd say it was expected of me to take care of her when she was sick. I'm sure if I was very cautious and not wanting to kiss her she would've been upset.
Squirtal Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Now I may be wrong..but I don't beleive she can catch your cold..you cannot catch the same strain of cold twice and if she gave you her bug, you can't give it back...double check that..but I'm sure I read it at the Doctors. Other than that..I'm sorry shes being horrid..its not fair or nice to you after you nursed her.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 She said we'll see each other on Friday but to be honest I don't want to because I'm tired of being put on hold. Whenever she wants to see me I follow through, but numerous times she's canceled or gone back on her word, leaving me feeling dumb because I've been patiently waiting for that day only to be told at the last minute she doesn't want to follow through with the plans.
manugeorge Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Wait a minute, let's assume that she CAN catch the cold. Why does he need to be "nursed"? is he a baby that can't deal with a common cold? She has to come over and make him soup? really? 2ndly, assuming again that she CAN catch the cold, she just started a new job, doesn't that factor in here? If she just decided not to come see him for no reason, they'd we'd say she's being horrid but she gave a valid reason...today is her second day on the job. 3rdly, it's only been 4 days since he's seen her, he can't wait 2 or 3 more until the cold blows over? are they joined at the hip or something?
manugeorge Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 She said we'll see each other on Friday but to be honest I don't want to because I'm tired of being put on hold. Whenever she wants to see me I follow through, but numerous times she's canceled or gone back on her word, leaving me feeling dumb because I've been patiently waiting for that day only to be told at the last minute she doesn't want to follow through with the plans. So it IS a pattern. Different issue. My bad
2sure Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I am not a particularly thoughtful person I hate to admit. But even I, whether I gave you the cold or not - would drop off chicken soup and puffs. Even if I just left it at the door. She is not thoughtful or courteous.
dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 While I think the girl is being a bit rude, you can't always expect what you give. I had that view point for a long time. "Well I did this, so I should get it in return". It doesn't always work that way, and if you don't like it about her, then move on. I would.
fishtaco Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 She said we'll see each other on Friday but to be honest I don't want to because I'm tired of being put on hold. Whenever she wants to see me I follow through, but numerous times she's canceled or gone back on her word, leaving me feeling dumb because I've been patiently waiting for that day only to be told at the last minute she doesn't want to follow through with the plans. First, Squirtal is right about the virus. You can't catch the same strain again. Your GF was just using that as an excuse. Second, she's this way because you let her walk all over you. I would say either she's just not that into you, or she does like you, but since you're too available and always at her beck and call, she's taking you for granted. My advice is get a life outside of your GF. If you have one, enhance it. Do you still hang with your friends? Don't be those people that disappear when you get into a relationship. Do you have "me time"? Get on a sports team. Sorry GF, I have a game this Friday. Maybe we can do something Saturday instead? Yes, for better or for worse. But that doesn't come automatically with GF/BF or even marriage. Do you know how many married couples end in divorce, and how many couples stay in a miserable marriage for other reasons? For better or for worse is a term reserved for people that are worthy. Yes, including your life long friends. It's based on the person, it's doesn't magically happen just because you happen to get into a romantic relationship.
calazhage Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I suggest getting a new girlfriend.. I went through the same thing.. The girl I was dating was "Very sick" and asked me to come keep her company.. I did. A few weeks earlier I coughed once, and she said "Omg Are you sick? I cant get sick". Many women think of themselves first, as though the entire planet revolves around them. This is especially true if they are not that into you.
fishtaco Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Q: How many women does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Just one. She holds the light bulb while the world revolves around her. Sorry, it's a sexist joke, but I was reminded of it from calazhage's post. Not trying to start a gender war. I'm too late for that anyway, it's been raging on LS for years already. OP, I suggest if you're going to get a new girlfriend, practice on this one first. Being too... giving... will only get you into the same situation again. Develop your personal space. You need to make your stance strong first. But your choice of course. Everyone is different. I've seen relationships where one is completely dominating the other, but it works, because of their personalities. As long as you're happy, it's all good.
calazhage Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Or, look at it this way.. You might NEVER find a woman whom is your buddy, friend, confidant, there with you until the end through everything equally. Just have fun, have sex, and do not expect too much. Date some other women too. Easier said than done when you like a woman, but if she is always selfish and busy what are the alternatives? If she was starting a new job or not, I can almost guarantee she would have avoided you when you were sick anyway..
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I just got off the phone with her and she said she felt bad for bailing on me after how I took care of her for V-Day and that she wants to see me. She realized I was pretty upset and when I'm upset I get Casper on a bitch, and she hates not knowing what I'm doing, who I'm with, am I ****ing another chick?...you know, things like that. So on the phone she asked if I was upset and I told her that I was a bit slighted, even though I completely understand the circumstances, I can't look past her bailing on me like that when I was there for her when she was sick. I also told her that if she really didn't want to see me tomorrow then I didn't want to see her on Friday and that I'd just wild out with the boys that night. She said she understood and thought it was cute that I was faking like I was healthy just to see her on Wednesday, and thought it was even cuter that I faked being at work when I was really at home in bed recovering and said that she thought it over while at work and wants to see me tomorrow, risking contracting a cold and all. While it may seem like I do any and everything for this GF of mine, I really don't. I do everything within reason, and I can sense when I'm just being used and walked over. To be honest I'm a stubborn guy who likes to do what he wants to do whenever the **** he wants to, you get me? She's very into me its just she bails on seeing me when we have an argument a day or two before the planned day of being together and that irritates the hell out of me because I'm usually still wanting to see her after a big disagreement. Personal space I do have, and I do spend time with the boys, but things do change when you go into a relationship. I used to go clubbing and get ****ed up every weekend with the boys. Now its more of a stop by to chill maybe have a drink or two. I'm not one of those guys that tossed their life for their GF. Its just when I make time in the week to see her, meaning telling the boys and other people that I'm busy that day, and she bails, it makes me look stupid.
Touche Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 To be honest I'm a stubborn guy who likes to do what he wants to do whenever the **** he wants to, you get me?/QUOTE] I don't get you but that's not important. Does your g/f get you? Actually, no offense but you both sound like high maintenance babies to me.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 To be honest I'm a stubborn guy who likes to do what he wants to do whenever the **** he wants to, you get me?/QUOTE] I don't get you but that's not important. Doe your g/f get you? Actually, no offense but you both sound like high maintenance babies to me. Yeah, she told me that she'd rather have it that way then a push-over for a BF. I'm really not high-maintenance at all, I'd just like a pinch of reciprocation and she understood that, thank god.
fishtaco Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Ok, sounds like everything is okay then. Your "For better or for worse" title made me think that maybe you're a doormat. But as long as you're not, then it's all good. If they're both high maintenance babies, and they're both okay with it, then it's a win. They talked it out. Communication is important. If people can just sit down and have a civilized conversation once in a while, a lot of relationship problems could be resolved.
calazhage Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 She said we'll see each other on Friday but to be honest I don't want to because I'm tired of being put on hold. Whenever she wants to see me I follow through, but numerous times she's canceled or gone back on her word, leaving me feeling dumb because I've been patiently waiting for that day only to be told at the last minute she doesn't want to follow through with the plans. Well you did say this before. Then you changed it to "She's very into me its just she bails on seeing me when we have an argument a day or two before the planned day of being together" Usually when I argued with a woman, if they were into me, they couldn't wait to see me. So either way, it seems like you are chasing.
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