Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 This is the second day NC and I feel like Im going to crack. I will not contact him for anything, I had an awful weekend with him telling me where I went wrong and I dont wanna go back to that. I feel he is soo manipulative and plays mind games, he would text me things knowing that my mind will be going crazy. I never saw manipulative he was until things were over...he put this huge guilt trip on me. Just not having such a good day.
confused11 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Trying....i know how you feel Day four NC for me...told him to never contact me again and that I was not interested in being "friends" I too was tired of the mind games and the "boyfriend" behaviors when we weren't together (he ended it with me two months ago). Why do yo feel you want to crack? Is it because you want to contact him? Well the fact that you have kept strong the last two days and didn't just shows you you haven't cracked yet Cracking would be to contact him. It seems like you have realized that having him in your life right now does not benefit you so you made the RIGHT decision to go NC. I have been wondering everyday since if I have made the right decision, 90% of the time I feel like I haven't but I know deep down that I truly can't move on if I still have feelings for him. I believe that not talking to them helps the healing process. Who did the breaking up and why?
Author Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 No, I think I feel like cracking because of our texting conversations, we went back and forth this weekend and last weekend. He admitted to things he did wrong, but said I was insecure and that led to bad communication. He said he tried until he couldnt take it anymore. I told him have a nice life and he said Im being dramatic. So, part of me wants to prove to him, I was not bring dramatic and I told him I was just hurt. From our conversations, it seemed he wanted to work something out, keep in mind he initiated them, and I did also. He came out and said I needed more attention. He will think what he wants , I know how I truly feel. Maybe he feels differently about me, he went as far as saying we went well together. Trust me, I know he is not right for me, almost 100%. We broke up I would say 2 months ago, I finally said enough after I thought we were still dating and he called me a casual friend. That hurt bad, while he was treating me like his GF, calling and textig me daily, to turn around & call me a casual friend. So, that was that. Of course I have feelings for him, I will for awhile, we were close and had a friendship. Somethings he has done just wasnt right in my mind (breaking dates, making inconsiderate comments), but I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. Like I said I know what's right for me, his words are only words and I think with a few more days NC Im going to feel soo much better. The weekend before last he texted me both sat and sunday morning, joking around...I would love to joke and be friends, but I feel like things have just gone too far.
openbook08 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 hello to to both of you and WELL DONE! your NC is one day more than zero so even tho it doesnt feel like it you are making progress. it will be hard, but this is the hardest time the initial cut off so take small baby steps ... exactly as youre doin, one day at a time. trying2trust08 your exs behaviour sounds exactly like mine in the aftermath of the breakup.... manipulative and selfish. so even after he breaks your heart he still doesnt man up enough to either a) give you the space and respect to heal or b) give you the world to show you how sorry he is & what a huge mistake he made today i just realised its been 4months NC!! waheeeey. there were days i thought id never smile again & yet here i am. im not fully healed but NC has certainly helped me move on immensely. hang in there. peace out!
Author Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 Thanx for the advice and support! I don't think any guy in my life has made me feel like a complete idiot, and he blamed me for feeling that way. augh. Like my insecurities took over my whole mind and he had not one single thing to do with it! And yes he made me feel like I was ovrreacting for not wanting to be cool with him, but I'm glad I stuck it to him and I was honest! Just for some reason today I am wanting to contact him and try to justify this further, I was fine yesterday.
LoveUrselfFirst Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I know you don't want to hear this but before you decide to call him and you know the outcome is going to be bad think of this: Think of the bad things he did to put you down or hurt you before you decide to pick up that phone. If he texts you it's not that hard to hit the "erase" button regardless of how much you want to reply back. You are stronger than you think. I'm on Day 2 on NC and just think that you don't work in the same company with your ex like I do which is making it difficult for me, but I'm trying to move on because they won't appreciate what they have until it's gone. And as foolish as it sounds, get a rubberband and put it around your wrist and when you think of him, push back on the band and let go of it on your wrist. The pain of the rubberband will help you in some weird way, but it will help.
Author Tryng2Trust08 Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 No, I am not going to pick the phone up. l admit if he does text me, it may be a little hard to not respond, but I will remember all the things he has said to me. I wont let myself feel hurt all over again. I thought having simple text message conversations was ok, but it is not ok or healthy for me at this point. I want better for myself and my life. It must be hard to work with someone u have broken up with, Im sorry. Im hoping he willl not appreciate what he had when Im gone, I want this to be over for good no coming back to me again like he has soo many times.
IcemanJB Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Way to go for taking that first step. Luckily you have some negative aspects of the breakup that you can focus on if you feel like contacting him. Just think of those if you get the urge. I kind of wish I had something negative I could have focused on; but there were 0 bad words exchanged, just a lot of tears. After the first month of NC, things will get noticeably easier. A week ago today marked 3 months NC for me. Oddly enough we both contacted each other that day. I'm not totally over her, but contact doesn't hurt like it did the first couple months after the breakup. Just take baby steps, and soon you'll be back to your old self. My urges to contact my ex stopped about 2 weeks into NC, and after about a month anything related to her or the breakup had 0 effect in other parts of my life. If that makes any sense...so just hang in there. The first part is the hardest.
stovepipe Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Agreed, I'm on one month of NC now and I feel better with each day. Initially its hard....try to focus on the negative aspects like Iceman said. The longer you go NC, the easier things get. I have to sit within feet of my ex at work and I haven't said a word to her for a month.
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