Lizzyb6938 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 My ex has recentley popped back into the picture and i really am kinda lost as to what to do. Background- we broke up after a pretty much wonderful relationship of 2.5 years. we're both 21. he was going away for two months with his single friends and i ended up saying stupid things, threatening to break up with him coz i was so worried about him going away. after saying something particularly bad he basically couldn't handle it anymore. he was starting medicine as soon as he got home and he thought he couldn't handle the pressure of a relationship whilst doing such a full on course. Fast forward a few months. I've been moving on. Seeing friends, meeting new people, dating. I've been seeing someone new for a little while. and he's lovely, but it's never felt quite right. Probably coz I don't think I really moved on from Matt, I just wanted to prove that I could. Anyways we met up yesterday for the first time in months. Ofcourse it all came flooding back. I told him I was seeing someone and my ex said that he wished he was him. He told me since we've broken up he has still considered himself unavailable and hasn't really been looking at all because nothing compares. He gave the speil about how he's missed me. he says he still loves me, that he doesn't want it to be over. he's still worried about his workload and how he'd cope with a relationship (he just started med) when he's barely keeping his head above water but it's better to try than to not try at all. he bought me a christmas present while he was overseas (which is this beautiful ring). basically we're meeting up again in two weeks and i have to sort of make a decision by then. it's really stressing me out because i have so many concerns. 1. how can i trust him again after everything. I don't want him to think he can just walk in and out of my life so easily 2. he's barely got time for his friends atm let alone a gf. I don't want to be a burden in his life. 3. if we were to get back together i don't want it to get ruined beyond repair because of stress etc 4. i have this other guy who seems to really like me and I feel awful 5. should you really go back into a relationship with so many doubts? I'm so lost lol. idealy what i would like is for us to be apart for maybe another year, figure our lives out, go travelling, see other people and when we're ready get back together we will but things don't really work that way. I keep thinking he's got such a long way to go, so many years of med and we're both so young. but i do still love him and if I give up this opportunity now i might forever wonder what if? I'm so confused. any advice would be great.
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 You're both obviously totally hung up on each other, so here's what I would do: break up with your current BF. It's only fair, you're not all his, and you're not over ex- so it's frankly the kindest thing you could or should do. Agree to start going out with your ex-, but you really do have to sort some things out first. lay your cards on the table, tell him what you need, but ask him what he needs from you too. Agree that whilst you're dating, you should be mature and enjoy life. You are not joined at the hip. You're 2 independent, adult, mature people, so you can still live good lives but committed to one another. Go out with friends, enjoy a separate social existence - but agree you're both spoken for. Be committed, stay faithful. That's the bottom line. If he can't agree to this, or either one of you break the agreement - then you're not meant to be. That's my take on it. Talk, talk, talk. Communication is the key.
Author Lizzyb6938 Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 You're both obviously totally hung up on each other, so here's what I would do: break up with your current BF. It's only fair, you're not all his, and you're not over ex- so it's frankly the kindest thing you could or should do. Agree to start going out with your ex-, but you really do have to sort some things out first. lay your cards on the table, tell him what you need, but ask him what he needs from you too. Agree that whilst you're dating, you should be mature and enjoy life. You are not joined at the hip. You're 2 independent, adult, mature people, so you can still live good lives but committed to one another. Go out with friends, enjoy a separate social existence - but agree you're both spoken for. Be committed, stay faithful. That's the bottom line. If he can't agree to this, or either one of you break the agreement - then you're not meant to be. That's my take on it. Talk, talk, talk. Communication is the key. Hi Geisha thanks so much for your reply. it makes alot of sense. we've always been a very seperate together kind of couple- having a friends night and a date night on the weekends. i really don't think it's healthy for couples our age to be spending the entire time living in each others shadows. I think this is what i'm going to say to him 'listen i'm interested in getting back together but i need to know that you're in this 100%. this doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your studies or your friends or anything in your life. i don't want you to, i want to be part of your life not all of it, even if that needs to be a small part given our schedules. all i need to know is that you're commited to me. it doesn't matter if we can only see each other once a week or speak every other day as long i you want this 100%. i need to know you're prepared to take this really slow, i can't just jump straight back in, i think that would be completely stupid. we need to start from scratch, get to know each other all over again and take things really slowly. we need to work out what went wrong before.' I want us to sit down and work out our problems. Like he can be really grumpy when he's stressed and i used to feel like i was bareing the brunt of it. And i need to discuss things rationally rather than getting sulky and saying stupid things I don't mean. I think that will really test him. If he says he really wants this to work and he's prepared to accept that i need to take it really really slowly than i know he's ready. I think I need to prepare myself more than anything. it's really going to test me being with him but accepting that he's a full time med student with huge pressures and not much time. what do you think?
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