the_b Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 So... Ex g/f broke up with me 2 months ago. Reason being that she "was in love but never in love" with me....she had been burnt in prior relationships, full of insecurities and this in the end made me miserable and I changed from being happy to being insecure too (and she didn't like it or understand)... So I've been pretty much no contact for the last 2 months. About 1 month ago she sent a text asking if i was ok (guessing she felt guilty about the split) - i replied i was fine and was overseas for a few weeks. She replied she was happy i was good. Last week she sent a text asking if i didn't mind helping her brother out with a little problem...i replied a few days later with a jokey text and that I'd be ok to help him..she said thanks. Saturday late at night i get a text from her saying: "sorry i bugged you...my brother solved the problem...have a nice...life i guess...you seemed very happy (weird happy) :-) x" I've not responded but what does this mean?? I've tried to move on..have strong days and weak days..does she want me to contact her...or she moved on and i should read it as it is...or what????
playlislay Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Hey! Do you actually want to get your gf back? Or are you wanting to get on with your life and get over her? Im not going to tell you to just move on because I feel that alot of people try to take the easy option and just avoid their ex's. Im sorry, but if you love someone then it is worth holding on to. Yes, get out there and enjoy life, meet new people and even date new people if you have to, but at the same time, if you think it could work and you want it to then I suggest initiating some kind of contact??? Anywho, she may be curious about what you are upto and may be feeling slightly upset that you two are not together anymore. Maybe she wants to get back with you and is fishing for answers as to whether you are still thinking about her or if you still love her? How do you feel about her?
Geishawhelk Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Oh lordy, the old "I hope you're happy, just thinking about you!" crap.... Yanking your chain, throwing you breadcrumbs, proving to herself she's still got it to un-nerve you.... Spot on, it seems. The Golden Rule: Go complete no contact, and let her fester in her own insecurities. She's still trying to use you as a support act.... The less you respond, the more she will pester, and ask "what's wrong/do you hate me/you must be really annoyed with me/what have I done wrong" questions. because she needs to know she's still adequately part of your life to make a difference. If you blank her off 100% (which of course, to move on and heal, you MUST) then she's going to eventually get the message that you are not going to fall at her feet to provide the footstool she wants. Simple.
samspade Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Maybe she wants to get back with you and is fishing for answers as to whether you are still thinking about her or if you still love her? I'm gonna go with "fishing for answers" but not because she wants to get back together. She just wanted the emotional satisfaction of knowing you'd respond and that you still think about her. No contact is best. Use your head.
BCCA Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Go complete no contact, and let her fester in her own insecurities. She's still trying to use you as a support act.... Completely agree. sorry i bugged you...my brother solved the problem...have a nice...life i guess...you seemed very happy (weird happy) :-) x So, now that she doesnt need a favor anymore - have a nice life. lol Gee, thanks a lot. That should make it pretty obvious what shes after, and its not a relationship with you. She just wanted the emotional satisfaction of knowing you'd respond and that you still think about her. Sad, but true. NC from here on out.
rainbowbrite Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 shes feelen guilty and wants u back. im a girl, i should kno
Ilovehim Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Hey! Do you actually want to get your gf back? Or are you wanting to get on with your life and get over her? Im not going to tell you to just move on because I feel that alot of people try to take the easy option and just avoid their ex's. Im sorry, but if you love someone then it is worth holding on to. Yes, get out there and enjoy life, meet new people and even date new people if you have to, but at the same time, if you think it could work and you want it to then I suggest initiating some kind of contact??? Anywho, she may be curious about what you are upto and may be feeling slightly upset that you two are not together anymore. Maybe she wants to get back with you and is fishing for answers as to whether you are still thinking about her or if you still love her? How do you feel about her? is that what it could possibly mean when an ex texts you for awhile?? if u ignore them does it mean your saying "i have moved on" does that burn any chances of u two getting back?
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 is that what it could possibly mean when an ex texts you for awhile?? if u ignore them does it mean your saying "i have moved on" does that burn any chances of u two getting back? The message itself should tell you whether to respond or not. Anything with 'sorry to bother you' is probably going to be a request for a favor, or something like that. 'I just miss you' 'I hope youre ok', etc are all guilt trips to get a response out of you. I would ignore anything that doesnt start with 'sorry I made a huge mistake...' or something similar. Trust me, this is 100% true, if someone wants you back, they WILL make sure you get the message. There wont be any of this wondering, and trying to determine what something means, theyll come right out with it. Moving on does not = burning a bridge. Someone left you, there choice, if you sat around moping until they came back (which they probably wont), theyll have 0 respect for you. If you move on with your life, theyll at least see that you respect yourself enough to do whats good for you.
Author the_b Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Thanks for the replies guys.....I ended up sending her a text yesterday afternoon on a whim (before i read your replies ). Sooo....i asked her question (relating to work - just needed a translation) and said that if she wanted to call for a catch-up I was staying at a hotel and gave her it's number. She replied back with the answer to the question and then a few hours later said that she was having a late night at work and driving to her parents after. She asked how long I was staying in the hotel for. I said I head back Thursday and if we don't catch-up then we'd try another time - no problem. She replies later "i might try and call you tomorrow evening but I can't promise...have a nice eve". I didn't respond. For me, yeah I'd like to talk but sometimes i'd rather just leave it and retain some sort of control. I'm kinda detaching myself, yet I'd still like to think that maybe we could work things out. I'm trying to stay solid and I should let go - she ended it with me because "she didn't love me". I'm trying to focus on me, to get myself strong and happy again and when I do feel happy I just want to share it BUT i shouldn't share it with someone who wouldn't do the same for me i guess. Anyhow, the message she sent last night was so wishy-washy, so kinda prima donna-ish that I don't know if I want to chat to her right now. I was thinking that maybe she's playing some sort of game of making me chase her but i'm not going down that route - i've nothing to prove to her. Or simply she's been honest and doesn't want to give me any false hopes. If she does call tonight i'll be out anyhow (going for dinner) so i'll miss her call. Probably would pi** her off - but that's not might problem right?!?
Author the_b Posted March 7, 2009 Author Posted March 7, 2009 Well shoot me in the head in guys..... She text me to say she was online last night so I went for it.....(zzz) she said she was feeling good but could be better...has bought a car, going to dance class, keeping busy....and that she was letting go - making her feel calm and relaxed for once (her "inner peace" as she called). So i quizzed her what she meant by "weird happy". She replies that she doesn't understand how i went from being sad when we split up to being kinda happy (or "weird happy") a month later. (Her assumption only being based on a couple of texts!). She kept saying that as long as i'm happy it doesn't matter. So i pressed her to be honest...she says that she thought i must have been ON something to be happy like that!!! I tell her it wasn't that at all - like i was on drugs or found another girl but she kept saying she didn't want to know. I tried to explain that I was real low before we split, that I've been picking myself up. that i had issues to deal with...to which she keeps replying "i don't want to know what you've been doing since our split", that "i'm her ex and i should keep my issues to myself or girlfriends" and that "she didn't want to know about the skeletons in my closet!!". (by the way, there are no skeletons as such, just normal breaking-up heartache, feeling low etc). She said we could chat but not about that stuff...i tell her she got it all wrong, painting me as some sort of emotional pyscho or weirdo (yeah..just what i need...a kick in the teeth). I left it at that and said goodnight. If you over someone, what does it matter what i've been up to?? She feeling guilty that she made me feel so low and thought i might have wanted to harm myself??? Fishing for answers???Stringing me along??? In all of this, i feel that i've acted respectfully, not bothered her, even offered my help to her brother when she asked...yet when we deal with anything to do with my emotions or feelings i'm made to feel like crap...I'm a really laid back guy but i'm furious with her and myself. She has me doubting myself, my esteem, what i should expect from a "friend" (apparently). Is her behaviour normal?? It can't be...i know it isn't..it stinks of rudeness, arrogance, immaturity and insecurity...yet she comes across all calm and cool (even though it always comes with a glass half-empty downer typically). Jezz, i want to just tell her all this straight but i don't want to lose my control... I want to put her in her place...i've been too tolerant...arghhhhh
semi spritzer Posted March 7, 2009 Posted March 7, 2009 she ended it with me because "she didn't love me You know I agree with plalislay. Ppl do try to end things too quickly, don't want to try at relationships and jump from place to place. However, if somebody said they ended it because "she didn't love me" that would be it for me. Why go back? She has ridiculed your honest attempts to tell her how you've felt since the breakup. She's not interested in your issues, she's not interested in your this, your that. That's not the way you behave with someone you care about. You're better than me if you still pursue this. Good luck
Author the_b Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 So she text me again today saying: "I'm online if you want to chat". Not responded, been really angry and feeling down since I last spoke to her..miss the old times but they gone now. I need what's best for me. I want to reply, "I'm busy, maybe another time" just to keep myself in her mind (for what reason after how she last spoke to me I don't know!), yet another part just says let it go and not respond (maybe to regain my self-esteem, control even??). You know, she made me so upset that I want her feel the same right now...gosh I feel so childish, like playing stupid games that I NEVER play. I know that this anger will go because that's how I am, then I'll think "hmmm, maybe I was silly not to chat". Why would she want to chat to me anyhow? I've no idea - any help??
Bleeve Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 Maybe she wants to see if you have changed...as in something she didn't like but is hoping is diferent now I see nothing wrong with chattting as long as you don't talk relationship crap. Show her that you are a happy person with a life and confident.
Author the_b Posted March 11, 2009 Author Posted March 11, 2009 So she text me again today saying: "I'm online if you want to chat". Not responded, been really angry and feeling down since I last spoke to her..miss the old times but they gone now. I need what's best for me. I want to reply, "I'm busy, maybe another time" just to keep myself in her mind (for what reason after how she last spoke to me I don't know!), yet another part just says let it go and not respond (maybe to regain my self-esteem, control even??). You know, she made me so upset that I want her feel the same right now...gosh I feel so childish, like playing stupid games that I NEVER play. I know that this anger will go because that's how I am, then I'll think "hmmm, maybe I was silly not to chat". Why would she want to chat to me anyhow? I've no idea - any help??
SRV Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 You need to ignore her and go about your business, she dumped you right? What more does she want if she does not explicitly tell you that she wants you back? No need to tell her that you are busy and can't chat.
paperchase Posted March 11, 2009 Posted March 11, 2009 So she text me again today saying: "I'm online if you want to chat". Not responded, been really angry and feeling down since I last spoke to her..miss the old times but they gone now. I need what's best for me. I want to reply, "I'm busy, maybe another time" just to keep myself in her mind (for what reason after how she last spoke to me I don't know!), yet another part just says let it go and not respond (maybe to regain my self-esteem, control even??). You know, she made me so upset that I want her feel the same right now...gosh I feel so childish, like playing stupid games that I NEVER play. I know that this anger will go because that's how I am, then I'll think "hmmm, maybe I was silly not to chat". Why would she want to chat to me anyhow? I've no idea - any help?? Look, man. She's playing a game that you cannot win. You're only chance of survival is not to play which translates into no contact. I've been right where you are. Her game is not calculated at getting back together. She wouldn't need to play a game to do that. You're right there for the taking. When she said maybe she'd call...that was a big sign. I got those maybe I'll call you later. My phone was dead and a million other excuses I never got when I was the apple of my ex's eye. The bottom line is you aren't a priority anymore and discussion your relationship and your feelings is not on your ex's agenda. Ignore her and as you do it realize that if she reaches out to you she is not calling for a reason or purpose you want to hear. It took me 3 months to figure this out. If my ex had just said she didn't love me as did yours I don't think I would have spent as much time pining.
Author the_b Posted March 30, 2009 Author Posted March 30, 2009 So I've been NC since that last "chat" - really pissed off, ignored her last message... So last week get a text from her asking "do you completely hate me? sent you a message online". So i go to look (yeah...i was hoping for an apology) but there's no message but she's online for a chat. I log out - get another text "if you don't want to chat to me i wish you'd just say...goodbye". Well, i go online, tell her that i didn't see no message - she said it must have expired (could be true) but i didn't press any further on it - i just didn't want to have a moaning chat about how rude she was before etc. So i was on there for like 5 mins, talking about general stuff, she did the same, i was at work so cut it short and said bye. She was all polite. I know i'm reading into this way too much but on her name/tag there was this link to music video. Never asked her about it but it was this love song - all about lost love, making mistakes, wishing everything could change....she is this real emotional girl (and i know the reasons why) but i find it very strange it on there...Oh man, i'm dreaming it's for me but i know it can't be - but she's so insecure about opening up, i was too chicken to ask because, well after all that's happened, i don't want any more pain. But if you don't love someone, why all the drama of "you hate me", letting me know she's listening to all these weepy love songs.... I just don't get it...but maybe i do...because she's got me thinking about her again... Wishy-washy ex is turning me into some wishy-washy love-struck fool...when i keep my distance i get, "why you not talking to me", but if she wants to angle to reconcile why doesn't she just say...she broke up with me!!!
Author the_b Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 It's been about month now but i'm having down day today... Haven't spoken to my ex for weeks...last time we did she said she was "moving on", making me admit that i didn't love her (not true at all!!), that "i let her go so easy" (she broke up with me!!) and "that she was happy". But about once a week or so i get a text from her. First was a few weeks back saying she was having a great time with some work thing - why text that??? i replied i was happy for her. Next was a "Happy Easter" - i never replied back (I wanted to just try to forget her). Then her brother comes along last weekend - i get on well with him, he needed some help so i offered, then we went out for a few beers - was good. Then yesterday i get a text from her, "Hi! - haven't heard from you in a while. Hope your ok hugs". I've no idea why she still keeps in touch. Friends? but we've hardly spoken since the New Year. I never text her after the break - only ever replied politely, sometimes not all. If she wants to "move on" - why text me at all?? Nothing she says has any mention of reconciliation - i guess i'm her back up before she moves on...maybe she's waiting for me to chase her because "i let her go easy" (but it was her decision!!)...just friends??? I've no idea what she wants - do you guys??? She i text back at all??
Chinook Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Sorry mate, but she's taking the mickey out of you. She's yanking your chain and you keep falling for it. If she wanted you back, she'd be battering down the door and letting you know it... instead she's playing these petty games. She's keeping in touch because she can. She's yanking you about like a puppet and you're dancing every time she yanks. She can't drop it because she needs you to feed her ego. Simple as that.
SummerLady Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Oh lordy, the old "I hope you're happy, just thinking about you!" crap.... Yanking your chain, throwing you breadcrumbs, proving to herself she's still got it to un-nerve you.... Spot on, it seems. The Golden Rule: Go complete no contact, and let her fester in her own insecurities. She's still trying to use you as a support act.... The less you respond, the more she will pester, and ask "what's wrong/do you hate me/you must be really annoyed with me/what have I done wrong" questions. because she needs to know she's still adequately part of your life to make a difference. If you blank her off 100% (which of course, to move on and heal, you MUST) then she's going to eventually get the message that you are not going to fall at her feet to provide the footstool she wants. Simple. Geishawhelk you sound like you have exp with this. So question to you? After after weeks of NC ex calls me, I respond but what? don't sound interested? don't respond right away. Isn't that playing more games or is this what you need to do to see if there is any sincerity. Would like the input. Thanks
Author the_b Posted April 26, 2009 Author Posted April 26, 2009 Thanks for the replies. Chinook - in no time since the break up have i ever made an attempt to chase her back...not at all. She went through all the "do you hate me?", "you angry with me" stuff a while back - i just kept it cool and friendly. We live far apart, so we don't bump into each other or have any contact - only by text/phone etc. Her contact used to rattle my cage but now i'm cool with it as i've slowly settled my feelings. Deep down i know she's insecure, seeking attention but i just wonder why someone would want to carry on contact, even try for friends when i don't respond. It's odd because i know if i'd had texted her yesterday, she'd have responded politely too but i don't because i don't really have any urge too. We were not friends before we met - so why carry on acting like this?? Why does she have this urge?? Surely she can't still feel guilty after all this time? Just find it odd behaviour really since she broke up with me.
Chinook Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 She doesn't feel guilty hon, she needs you to feed her ego right now. That's all it is. That's why she carries on. The fact is though, regardless of whether your feelings for her settled or not, she can still contact you if she wants to, knowing you will respond, even if it's only a semblance of politeness. You're right. You're not friends... never can be. Ask yourself this, what is it that YOU want out of this...? What is it that YOU gain from this...? If your answer is 'nothing' then you owe it to yourself to just cut contact and let her deal with it her way... afterall, she dumped you, she doesn't then get a say in what happens in your life.
Recommended Posts