Divorce OR Is It Something Else

[damn]

I'm seeing this guy who was married. I'm really not sure if it's over yet, but i know he still lives in the same house in the basement. We had plans to be together, but i stressed the issue that, if he was still married then i didnt want to be together. Well we no longer talk on the phone anymore, only time i see him is when i go up to his job to workout. Which he stresses that I do. I have a way closer gym to my house, but he says that the gym where he works at is "my gym". That I don't need to call him to tell him i'm coming up there, jus come up there. I can call him on the phone at work but cell phones are totally out.

 

Sometimes it's hard with my new work schedule to get up there to see him. So when i get in contact with him, to let him know i'm not gonna make it up there he's always angry. He tells me i'm not here for him, that i should just stop calling him. But when i'm at the gym and he can physically see me he's okay. He still picks fights, when other guys try to talk to me in the gym. I'm confused because he be telling me to do me and is still somewhat controlling. From doing some personal investigation, and recieving some mysterious phone calls I believe he's getting her(the wife) on adultry.

 

Question is, do you think thats why he doesnt talk to me on the cell and text me anymore, because the divorce isnt final yet, and he doesnt want anything to mess up the process? As well as him being insecure with himself and the whole ideal of being in LOVE again.... I'm mean a typical guy( not all guys), would mention another female if he has moved on...but he doesnt. Alot things he used to do he doesnt do anymore, so I dont really have any suspicion of another woman.(NOT AT ALL). but he has alot of pride and always wants to come off like everything is in control. But i know something aint right.

[Geishawhelk]

You posted about this before.

And this is the advice I gave you over 2 posts, then:

 

.....if he's that much older than you, he seems to be more of a father figure than a boyfriend.

he's jealous and possessive.

 

Now, if he knows he's like this, and he acknowledges it's a problem, and he thinks it would be a good idea to have counselling or therapy - that would be a good thing.

 

if on the other hand he doesn't see or even think he has a problem - maybe it's never even crossed his mind - then, I would take a long walk in an opposite direction, because he won't change.

 

Hr rather he will.

But never, for the better.

It's going to get worse.

Jealous control always does.

 

Because he is so much older than you, he is also unlikely to respect your opinion. He will dismiss your fears, anxieties and reservations as the mere flights of fancy of a young and inexperienced girl.

 

I don't see a great deal of happiness here, for you.

I'm afraid I'd end it. ....if you're in this because you feel sorry for him - it's the wrong reason.

 

Cancer is a dreadful thing: It changes your life completely, and obviously can kill you - so it's little wonder people are affected mentally, as well as physically by their illness.

And it has effect on their close loved ones too.

 

So the problem you have is to decide whether to stay, or go.

And if you stay, to decide whether you're staying because you love him, or because you feel sorry for him.

 

Nothing seems to have changed.

So what are you going to do about it, because staying in the same-old same-old is getting you nowhere, isn't it?

[troubadour]

Just dump the dude and find someone better than him.