terra Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Hello, I am dating a guy in the military and it really sucks sometimes. We have been dating for over a year and I really love the guy. We get along so well, so far have had great communication and I'm really happy with him. So far he hasn't had to leave for very long periods of time... a few weeks here and there but nothing too long. He is away doing work up training and I am feeling pretty sad. He will be gone for a few months, home for a few weeks gone again and then deployed in the fall for a 6 or 7 month tour.. in which he will miss my birthday, Christmas, and other stuff that happens throughout the year. I didn't think I would be as sad as I am. I pride myself on being a strong independent woman and I didn't think this would happen. I don't even want to tell him about it, because I don't want him to worry about me. I feel pretty pathetic and lonely and don't understand how other people can deal with it so well. I know I'm suppose to keep myself busy and I do but I can't help but feel really sad most of the time and I don't know what to do to get over it.
Nicodaemos Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I was in the military, and when we deployed, one of the guys missed his sons birth, the day we left. Get into the USO, get into the military support groups. dont let those that are maried put you down and say you dont really know cause you dont have a ring. pain is felt by everyone. You are in the right place, but the support groups really know what you are going though, because the people he work with are there with him, an thier SO, are there with you. When he deploys, dont be alarmed if he cant contact you regularly. I was over there, and sometimes, i could get any access, nobody had any access, for 2 months sometimes. Usually, at best of once every 2 weeks. sometimes, no contact at all for 2 months. I dont say this to scare you, but to prepare you. Its hard being in a LDR, but a military one is even harder, due to the nature of the commitment they have made. Its ok to cry, its ok to tell others. No, its not pathetic. it would be if you didnt miss him, but you do, and there is no shame in it at all. as for gettin over the pain. Hard to say. mayhaps, keep in mind that he knows you love him, if you have told him, dont leave it to intuition. When he gets up, he has the thought, ' im not alone, someone loves me, life is worth living, and living in happyness. You think that too, ok? cause it sounds like its true. Hope you can find a way through, and not just through, but a clear way.
Ricky01 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Hello, I am dating a guy in the military and it really sucks sometimes. We have been dating for over a year and I really love the guy. We get along so well, so far have had great communication and I'm really happy with him. So far he hasn't had to leave for very long periods of time... a few weeks here and there but nothing too long. He is away doing work up training and I am feeling pretty sad. He will be gone for a few months, home for a few weeks gone again and then deployed in the fall for a 6 or 7 month tour.. in which he will miss my birthday, Christmas, and other stuff that happens throughout the year. I didn't think I would be as sad as I am. I pride myself on being a strong independent woman and I didn't think this would happen. I don't even want to tell him about it, because I don't want him to worry about me. I feel pretty pathetic and lonely and don't understand how other people can deal with it so well. I know I'm suppose to keep myself busy and I do but I can't help but feel really sad most of the time and I don't know what to do to get over it. I am sorry to say this, but if you find a way to stop being sad, then you need to let us all know. I too was in the military, but I am a bad example. Even though for a couple years I had a serious gf in Korea, I protected myself from the heartaches of military life. In retrospect I realized how unfair I was to my exgf in Korea and had since met with her twice on trips back for business and apologized. She is with her bf of going on 4 years and I am truly happy for her. We don't really talk much otherwise. When I deployed for the military as a civilian, well that was where I learned my lesson full circle. I did nearly 18 months single, without a problem. My 6 month tour while emotionally invested devastated me to the core, even still to this day. My best advice is to tell them, everyday how you feel. Every single day, never let them forget. People have good and bad in them, humans have needs. Humans need their companion; I hope you two have the strength and will power. I believe if you are fair to one another and communicate completely you can survive until the next day. You will be tried. On the other hand. If you see this affecting your life negatively you have to understand sometimes you need to do what is best for you. The lifestyle of a military (wo)man isn't going to change, and actually it has been getting better since the days of our parents or grandparents. Military life will never be easy, and sometimes makes you go through things you don't need to. Sometimes, you have to just let go also. My exgf realized she couldn't handle the type of lifestyle I presented to her. For me, the military sculpted me into a person that needs to be involved with global events, and being on location is one of the ways I feel alive. She was much more conservative and was a regional girl; she wanted the traditional bf/gf relationship. Eventually it expired, and we all learned from it. Didn't make it hurt less, but some lessons hurt.
Author terra Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 When I deployed for the military as a civilian, well that was where I learned my lesson full circle. I did nearly 18 months single, without a problem. My 6 month tour while emotionally invested devastated me to the core, even still to this day. My best advice is to tell them, everyday how you feel. Every single day, never let them forget. People have good and bad in them, humans have needs. Humans need their companion; I hope you two have the strength and will power. I believe if you are fair to one another and communicate completely you can survive until the next day. You will be tried. Hey Ricky, What do you mean you were emotionally devastated? Just because you had the element of a ldr to deal with on top of all the other things you had to deal with? Also do you think I should keep my emotional lows from him - he probably has enough things to worry about. I just don't want to make his life more stressful, but not sure what the balance of that and communication is....
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