monkophile Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 If a guy is backing off, does that mean he has deeper feelings for her than he realized? For example, this guy and I (we're just friends; known each other for years), before it was a flirty email here, flirting in person there, flirtflirtflirt. Now, after we had by far the flirtiest meeting, he has sort of backed off, which he has never done before. Does this mean he may have deeper feelings for me than friends and either he doesn't want that or doesn't know how to go about it/is confused? BTW - to make things a bit more complicated (which may answer my own question I don't know): he's 59 and I'm 25 (large age difference) plus I was his former student; he is NOT married.
colosseum Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 He might be thinking. You're 25, he's nearly 60, which is a large age difference (biggest I've heard yet), you were his former student. If I were him I couldn't help but be taking a step back and thinking about just what the hell was going on. He's probably really confused, maybe nervous, or even scared. Maybe be straight/honest with him, or just talk to him?
damn Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 sounds kinda like my situation. Yea most guys when they realized they done fell in love, they get stupid. Tell u things to try to turn you off from them. Thats because their scared. He's 60 and I'm sure he feels like he's done seen everything there is in life to see, and you only being 25... not sayin u might be real young and unexperienced, but he's prolly trippin on the fact of how old your really are and the fact he's diggin you real hard. He's prolly thinking about what other people will think. OUTSIDE INTERVENTION...like from his friends and stuff...
Athena Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I'm thinking before long, he'll be back! What man his age could resist a young attractive woman like you? There's no reason not to... apart from some fear and trepidation ha ha... Seriously though, he comes from a generation with a different Value System. I am thinking it's obvious he likes you, but his internal dialogue is telling him to reign in his feelings (he was your professor -- sense of his breaching that no no crossing of boundaries) and then the obvious huge age gap. Once he has thought it all through, he'll be back, and then you will know for sure he is ready. Are YOU ready?
Author monkophile Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I'm thinking before long, he'll be back! What man his age could resist a young attractive woman like you? There's no reason not to... apart from some fear and trepidation ha ha... Seriously though, he comes from a generation with a different Value System. I am thinking it's obvious he likes you, but his internal dialogue is telling him to reign in his feelings (he was your professor -- sense of his breaching that no no crossing of boundaries) and then the obvious huge age gap. Once he has thought it all through, he'll be back, and then you will know for sure he is ready. Are YOU ready? He finally emailed me last week (the first contact from him in two months!), thanking me for keeping in touch and asking me if I'll be home for Easter. When I was home for Christmas, after we had a really heavy flirting for two hours, he asked me when I'd be home. I told him not til the summer. He then said maybe the next time I'm home we can just meet at his house. So, in the email he asks if I'm going to be home for Easter. It really sounds like he really wants to see me and can't wait for the summer. (big sigh) I think I am ready. I really, really like him and cannot stop thinking about him; i honestly think about him 24/7; it's very annoying. But society has always taught us (girls especially) to never have such thoughts about your teachers and here I am thinking this way about my teacher. I guess it's safe to say society is in the back of my mind with this relationship.
Athena Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 So, in the email he asks if I'm going to be home for Easter. It really sounds like he really wants to see me and can't wait for the summer. Oh, I am sure he would love to see you sooner, rather than later! But one thing I know is that men his age have learned patience. He will wait for you. And since he thanked you for keeping in touch, you might want to continue to email him and make/keep a connection with him that way. I am sure he, being an educated man and all, would love to 'get to know you' via emails. A lot of people these days fall in love through this medium, having initially met on the Internet, so this form of communication is good enough for now until you come home this summer. (big sigh) I think I am ready. I really, really like him and cannot stop thinking about him; i honestly think about him 24/7; it's very annoying. But society has always taught us (girls especially) to never have such thoughts about your teachers and here I am thinking this way about my teacher. I guess it's safe to say society is in the back of my mind with this relationship. Well, the emphasis is on the word Former teacher! So it's okay now. I agree with you, society will have its opinion on the two of you out in public -- just like a few decades ago when a couple from different races were out in public. I am sure you will deal with that aspect when you get to it. Most guys will look at him enviously, lol -- yeah, even the young uns will be saying "Dang! I hope I can do THAT at his age!" Hopefully the girls will be able to respect the 'heart connection' between the two of you, never mind the age difference.
Author monkophile Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 Well, the emphasis is on the word Former teacher! So it's okay now. I agree with you, society will have its opinion on the two of you out in public -- just like a few decades ago when a couple from different races were out in public. I am sure you will deal with that aspect when you get to it. Most guys will look at him enviously, lol -- yeah, even the young uns will be saying "Dang! I hope I can do THAT at his age!" Hopefully the girls will be able to respect the 'heart connection' between the two of you, never mind the age difference. What would really pop his bubble would be if we'd be out and someone will ask him "oh is this your daughter?" Talk about embarrassing. But I'm sure he'd come to expect that if he wants to take this relationship further.
Author monkophile Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I am sure he, being an educated man and all, would love to 'get to know you' via emails. A lot of people these days fall in love through this medium, having initially met on the Internet, so this form of communication is good enough for now until you come home this summer. Something I just thought of, not sure if it makes a difference or not - I get those "getting to know you" surveys from my cousins and friends all the time (you know, what time is it now, what's your favorite food, what's your favorite color, etc.). I love filling them out and I send them on to friends. Well, one day (this was several months ago, probably Oct. or Nov.) I decided i was going to forward it on to this guy, letting him know what I like and hoping he would reciprocate. I got an email bac kfrom him and I got all excited, like oh I'm going to find out some stuff about him. He was laughing and he wrote "[my name], this is too funny. I thoroughly enjoyed this. Thanks." Well i felt rather stupid and I'm like "it's not supposed to be funny." I guess he's not the type to open himself up like that, I dunno.
whichwayisup Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 So, in the email he asks if I'm going to be home for Easter. It really sounds like he really wants to see me and can't wait for the summer. Why not just ask him what is going on. Talk to the guy on the phone and settle this once and for all. Ask him how he feels about you, and you tell him that you like him. You've started so many threads asking the same question - Only HE knows the answers to your questions..
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