Blessings Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 This is a bout a second chance at a FRIENDHSIP or whatever with my ex....6 or almost 7 month break-up...at times im ok, at times histerical..depends on my day , on the mood...etc... better? yes but not really quite over him yet... he has contacted me a few times......i have ignored him...he stopped.... since i still love him and i think i would rather have him in my life than not have him at all.....it has been a month since last contact from him...and before that he has called and texted me...maybe i appear as though i have moved on? i dont kno..i dont think he worries about how im feeling so i cant think of "maybe if he thinks i have moved on, he'll want me more" whatever, im sick of overanalyizing things..why give someone else that much power?? but damn it, at times i do....so now im here OVERANALYZING!! i thought i was doin NC for my healing or for my own good...or maybe for him to miss me......but im not so sure anymore....it has been bugging me! I want to text him but I dont know what to say....if i should just tell him "sorry i've been busy..how are you?" or what?? I think ignoring someone is rude...but then i think maybe that will make him miss me?? i dont want to fool myself though...im afraid if i try to be firends later on, he'll slam the door in my face for ignoring him for a whole month............ What do I do?????
paperchase Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 if you've been apart for 6-7 months and he's given up contacting you and the last contact was a month ago, he's moved on. so should you. if you still want to be his girl, friendship is going to hurt you too much. he's like a drug and you'll take friendship just to get your fix, but you will go through withdrawal because you are addicted to him and you want him to be more than your friend. the best thing for you would be to find someone else to fill the void or, better yet, find happiness within. I know it's easier said than done.
Author Blessings Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 perhaps but you're not understanding my question....he left me...he stopped contacting me because i wouldnt respond...now what do i do? or what do i say if i want to text him?
BCCA Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 perhaps but you're not understanding my question....he left me...he stopped contacting me because i wouldnt respond...now what do i do? or what do i say if i want to text him? First question: why do you want to contact him? This will help me give you proper advice. And trust me, thats not the only reason he stopped contacting you.
Author Blessings Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 Okay, sorry if I'm coming off rude...but OBVIOUSLY someone is not going to keep calling/texting you if you ignore them enough times...Im not saying he wants to get back but yes he most likely wants to keep in touch, be friends...whatever..why does it always have to be something negative with people on this forum??? He might be doing it to relieve his guilt or he could be missing my company...does he have to be head over toes in love with me to miss me and want to be my friend?? Anyway...I want to contact him to simply talk to him or to try to get him back...I dont know...I miss him...Or maybe so I wont seem rude??? Because my question is : If one day I do get over him but want to be his friend, how am i going to justify IGNORING him? Doesnt that make me look rude and immature anyway?? So do I just text him something like "Hey, how ar eyou? Sorry to get back at you so late. I have been really busy." Or would that just make me look DESPERATE? What do I do therefor? Do I stick with NC?
WTRanger Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Here is my take. If you are truly wanting him back in your life, then contact him. Screw the NC. At some point it just becomes stupid. Almost like, "Well I'll show that other person!" We're freaking adults here. I mean if Israel and Hamas can talk, why can't you talk to this person? The strict NC rules, I think are BS at times. You have to look at your situation and figure out which part of NC applies. NC is not duct tape, it doesn't work for everything. It becomes a grudge, and no grudge ever leads to good things. Put the NC/grudge stage into context here. You are obviously feeling the need for this person back in your life. Right? But you'll show them, you'll hold that grudge and by God you'll be the better person all right. Then, this guy boards the Continental flight bound for Buffalo that tragically goes down. Now what? Can that coffin you're sobbing over ease your pain? Can it say "I'm sorry." or "I forgive you." Almost always at every funeral there is one person that is the most racked with grief and that person was the one holding the grudge. You're alive now, go for it. I prefer trying to make peace over holding a grudge any day. You have zero clue what the next second or minute is going to bring you, so just act from the heart. Your heart knows what to do, you just have to stop listening to your brain. I completely agree on the almost zealot devotion to strict NC on this board. Certain cases call for it to a point, but certainly it shouldn't be the golden rule. Rules are meant to be broken too. No two break-ups, space, 2nd chances are ever the same. The advice on this board is among the best and most diverse, but on another post a user said it best, "Use the advice and your own gut feelings as a hybrid for what to do." Seriously consider what these people have to say, then form a game plan. They aren't being negative just to be negative, they speak from experience. So it's worth a listen. You need to ask yourself this one question though. Are you prepared if he doesn't respond? If he doesn't respond, then move on. But at least you tried. Now you'll know, and knowing is half the battle.
Recommended Posts