dreamergrl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 So things have been going VERY well. We've been hanging out quite a bit, There's very little I don't like about him. We get along so well, our personalities just click so effortlessly. But... I really don't like his roommate. This is not a deal breaker for me, because the roommate wont be around forever, but I have to bite my tongue a lot. This guy has a bad attitude about women, in general. He plays one girl just so he can get her over to clean, letting her think he's with her, but really he sees other women. He says all woman are crazy. Constantly making disses about women. We spend more time at his place because I've been staying with my family since I got back to this state. Not because I have to, but because I want to save some money and help out my sick mom. It's only for a few more months. I know new guy doesn't have the same hate for women as his roommate, but he laughs at the "jokes", for the sake of getting along with the roommate. It wasn't bad at first, but it seems like the more I'm around, the more comfortable this guy is with displaying this crap attitude. Okay, sorry, had to vent!
Star Gazer Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 How did he come to be roommates with this guy? Were they friends prior to their living arrangement? If so, I'd think you'd have reason to be concerned. You can tell a lot about a person by who they call friends. I'm curious though, what do you mean by, "There's very little" that you don't like about him? This implies that there are things you don't like??
Author dreamergrl Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 They aren't close friends, he had just moved in with him prior to when we first started dating. New guy was looking for cheap rent (wants to save money for school and what not). I can tell they aren't good buddies. What I meant by "there's little that I don't like about him" being like stupid things such as he snores. More so meant there is so much that I do like about him.
Star Gazer Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 My BF snores too. I still don't understand whether or not they were friends prior to moving in together... Also, do they hang out socially together? Or is it strictly a business arrangement?
Island Girl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 There's a really easy way to deal with this one. Go out -- meet him somewhere for dinner or after he gets off work so you'll have two vehicles -- have a fantastic time. Get in make out mode and then when he wants to go back to his place beg off. Give him a prepared excuse and go home. Then the next day, you explain that while that was true you also didn't tell him something else and that you want to be completely honest with him (you felt guilty all night that you didn't tell him everything you were feeling). And then you say that you just feel so terrible when his roommate makes those kinds of jokes about women because he is essentially talking about you and putting you down. It makes you uncomfortable and you didn't have a great day so you just wanted to not have to sit and listen to it. Say that you really hopes he understands, etc. OR when you are in full blown hot and heavy - when he suggests going home you let him know (really unhappily that you just wish you were more comfortable there...and then you let him know about how much the roommate doing his bashing bothers you - not in an angry way - but in a "sad" way. you know be a girl about it). He'll tell his roommate to chill out around you, believe me. IF he doesn't then the next time he does it you just get a headache or suddenly you don't feel well and you leave immediately. Don't worry - he'll put two and two together. And he'll shut the roommate up. BUT be forewarned that you may get a cold shoulder from the roommate (I never cared if a hater added me to his list as long as he was polite and respectful) and he may talk some mega shyte behind your back. If your guy is true blue he won't let him say negative things about you whether you are there or not but only you know how far along you are.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 My BF snores too. I still don't understand whether or not they were friends prior to moving in together... Also, do they hang out socially together? Or is it strictly a business arrangement? They knew each other prior to moving in together, but not like close buds. In this town everyone knows everyone (okay, not everyone, but here you've run into the same person more then twice, if ya get what I mean lol). It's kinda like Cheers Anyways, they've talked and what not before this, but never hung out socially, and still don't. We've seen him out, made some small talk, moved on. Island Girl - I have talked to him about it, that the behavior is irritating to me, he did understand. I can't hold him responsible for his roommates ill talk though, and I don't want that to get in the way of us dating.
Island Girl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Island Girl - I have talked to him about it, that the behavior is irritating to me, he did understand. I can't hold him responsible for his roommates ill talk though, and I don't want that to get in the way of us dating. Well kudos to you for talking about it and then actually have the ability to bite your tongue. I wouldn't be able to - I'd have to make sure it didn't happen anymore. At least he won't be around forever - and soon you'll have your own place so then your BF can just come over and see you.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 Well kudos to you for talking about it and then actually have the ability to bite your tongue. I wouldn't be able to - I'd have to make sure it didn't happen anymore. At least he won't be around forever - and soon you'll have your own place so then your BF can just come over and see you. If it were a long term situation, I'd have more trouble biting my tongue, believe me. I can't stand it when guys go on women bashing parades, and the same when women go on a men bashing parade.
Island Girl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 If it were a long term situation, I'd have more trouble biting my tongue, believe me. I can't stand it when guys go on women bashing parades, and the same when women go on a men bashing parade. Here here. I really hate generalities period.
northstar1 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 If it were a long term situation, I'd have more trouble biting my tongue, believe me. I can't stand it when guys go on women bashing parades, and the same when women go on a men bashing parade. How old is his roomate? Sounds like he's a frat boy wannabe who is just trying to sound 'cool'.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 How old is his roomate? Sounds like he's a frat boy wannabe who is just trying to sound 'cool'. Too old to be a frat boy I think he's in his late 20's.
calazhage Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 A. It is his home you are at. B. It is none of your business. I cannot go to a woman's home and complain about her views. Find something better to worry about.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 A. It is his home you are at. B. It is none of your business. I cannot go to a woman's home and complain about her views. Find something better to worry about. A. It's not just his home. B. When comments are made to me about my gender I have the right to be offended. C. When there are people visiting my home, even if it's to see a roommate or what not, I am respectful enough to keep rude comments to myself.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 A. It's not just his home. B. When comments are made to me about my gender I have the right to be offended. C. When there are people visiting my home, even if it's to see a roommate or what not, I am respectful enough to keep rude comments to myself. Shes right bro. dreamergrl is smart and hot.
calazhage Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 You just started dating this guy and you are at his home so often that his roommate bothers you? Technically you really don't belong there. I am sure when you are gone both of them are dissing on women together. Pick and choose your battles. You just started dating this guy, and already have a problem with whom he lives with. His roommates love life is NONE of your business. Stop being such a busy body. Now chicks go into men's homes and tell them what is acceptable to talk about, lol.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 But I can see where she is coming from. Dudes can be pretty raunchy about women and pretty disrespectful. She lives at home and when she goes to his place she wants to be comfortable. The idiot doesnt make her feel comfortable. She is complaining about it. True it isnt her place, if it was and a guy was acting that way, she would tell him to **** off. So she is being polite knowing she shouldnt say a word when it isnt her residence. But you are right, when she leaves they both talk about how hot of an ass and perfect rack the girl on tv has.
mixwell Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I can see where you're coming from but at the same time it is your mans and his roomates domain that you're entering. I can understand your position if the guys is out talking ish about chicks while you and your man are together in the place.. I mean personally If had a room mate I would be in my own room doing my own thing and not try to be up in the mix but if you and your man are in the living room and this guy comes in talkin ish i can see where you would be offended. I wouldn't play games as IslandGirl (sorry if the name is wrong) because you shouldn't have to play your man and manipulate him via sex to get him to make his roomate act differently... It is his place too and personally if I acted a certain way (within reason and outrageously) and my roomies chick had a prob I would say F that because he does pay 1/2 the cost and has a right to his own thing. I wouldn't let some new chick make me ACT like a diff person to please anyone specially if I was paying 1/2 the cost of the place.. F that.. NOW if he is being totally unreasonable I can understand but I don't know the exact situation..
calazhage Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I had a roommate when I was 23..His girlfriend was always there hanging out.. Very annoying.. Not just in his room, but in the living room etc.. She soon started to act like she lived there. You are lucky his roommate even allows you to be there. You are only some girl he started sleeping with. YOU DO NOT LIVE THERE. You have NO RIGHT telling grown men what they can talk about in there own home. If it bothers you that much, be a lady and just decline going there. If you need sex that bad get a hotel room or your own place. Or date a guy that lives alone..
chrislovestosurf Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I dont think she says anything to them about it, shes just annoyed. And I know what you mean about roomate having girlfriend there all the time, so annoying. And it doesnt help that she is ugly as hell. If youre gonna have your chick over that much, at least have her be hot. I had a roommate when I was 23..His girlfriend was always there hanging out.. Very annoying.. Not just in his room, but in the living room etc.. She soon started to act like she lived there. You are lucky his roommate even allows you to be there. You are only some girl he started sleeping with. YOU DO NOT LIVE THERE. You have NO RIGHT telling grown men what they can talk about in there own home. If it bothers you that much, be a lady and just decline going there. If you need sex that bad get a hotel room or your own place. Or date a guy that lives alone..
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I'd have a hard time not making some kind of sexist remark back to him. My BF has a friend that hangs out when I go over there and he made some kind of comment about women in the kitchen that I really don't think he meant to come across as sexist as it did - I retorted back, showing I could hold my own and the guy laughed. There's no need to put up with a bad attitude and ****ty comments. Learn to hold your own. But then, I can be a little sassy and my BF says he loves it. I don't take crap from anyone.
collegekid491 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 First I gotta ask, are you sure he's even serious? He may just have a very... 'duh' comical kinda attitude. I mean, just the other day while at supper with our friends I said "how do you convert your dishwasher into snowblower? hey baby...". Was I serious, heck no, was my gf offended? Not at all, she makes her own jokes about me, such as fraudulent claims on my 'size' lol. If he really isn't joking and 100% serious about what he says, as my gf would say, what's the problem? Your not dating him, you got the good one. Besides, as you say, he won't be around much longer.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 We don't hang out in the living room. We'll watch a movie or something in his room. Here's an example. Me and bf are watching tv or something in his room, bf comes out of bedroom to make a pizza, roommate comes out to chitchat, stands in front of the bedroom door making sexist women bashing comments while looking at me.
Author dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I had a roommate when I was 23..His girlfriend was always there hanging out.. Very annoying.. Not just in his room, but in the living room etc.. She soon started to act like she lived there. You are lucky his roommate even allows you to be there. You are only some girl he started sleeping with. YOU DO NOT LIVE THERE. You have NO RIGHT telling grown men what they can talk about in there own home. If it bothers you that much, be a lady and just decline going there. If you need sex that bad get a hotel room or your own place. Or date a guy that lives alone.. Ummm I don't tell anyone what they can talk about. Also, that would be the same as telling the roommate he should be lucky his girlfriends are allowed there. It's both of their homes. Not just one or the other. It has nothing to do with needing sex that bad.
northstar1 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 We don't hang out in the living room. We'll watch a movie or something in his room. Here's an example. Me and bf are watching tv or something in his room, bf comes out of bedroom to make a pizza, roommate comes out to chitchat, stands in front of the bedroom door making sexist women bashing comments while looking at me. I think we've all had the bad roommate experience. Annoying, but also realize it's probably only temporary (the roommate, not you relationship ). Just try and get out and about as much as possible, walks, dinners, so you arent' so annoyed.
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