ten year old daughter dressing too grown up and I can't bring myself to care.

[dacosta]

My daughter who is turning ten this month, lives most of the time with her mother. (I've got her every other weekend). Recently she has started wearing thong underwear as part of her everyday wardrobe, at least when she's at my place, so I assume its everyday. No, I'm not some perv, I see the strings above her jeans when she bends over and I see them when I do the laundry. That's how I know.

I know she started wearing thongs last year for her yoga class and a dance recital, but her mother told me it was only for those occasions. Apparently that has changed.

Now here's the problem. I feel that I should be up in arms about this. It seems like I should be really angry and should tear into her mother about this, and I know lots of my friends who are dads, would be furious if it was their daughter, but honestly I just can't bring myself to care. I tried to be upset, but its like....I'm just kind of indifferent. She's a really good kid. She's not even into boys yet or into makeup or Britney spears or any of that. She prefers reading to watching tv and is really into yoga etc.. And she doesn't dress like quite a few of the girls I've seen at her school, who could pass for hookers (I know its mean, just saying) So maybe that's why I'm not that concerned, because I know she's got a good head on her shoulders. but still it makes me wonder if I'm a bad dad if I don't confront her mother about it, or if people will think of me as a bad dad, if we're out somewhere and someone notices the thong coming out of her pants. Does it make me a bad dad?

[Geishawhelk]

"In matters of Taste, swim with the current.

In matters of Principle, stand like a rock."

 

It seems there are two separate matters here: One of taste, (dress sense) and one of principle (dressing like a little tramp).

 

Find the dividing line, and act on it.

[Touche]

It's SO much easier to not make waves and just let kids do what they want isn't it?

 

Sorry but you're dropping the ball here. We have a 12 year old and over my dead body and that of my husband's would we let him wear his pants down to his knees practically, like some wear them.

 

She'll be a teen before you know it. You have to nip things like this in the bud because she's going to get more and more rebellious and you can't just start taking control suddenly when she's 13 or 14. You have to start NOW.

 

Talk to her mother. If her mother doesn't cooperate you can at LEAST lay down the law when she's with you and tell her she can't wear them or have them when she's at your house. She'll at least know that you don't approve. That may not mean anything to her now, and she might tell you she hates you etc. but down the line it will matter.

 

Be a parent. Don't be the kind of parent other parents say this about "Ugh, how can those parents let that little girl wear a thong? I guess they don't care."

 

Now is the time to have a talk with your daughter about good girls and bad girls. And that even if she's a good girl, how she presents herself is important and she doesn't want to give the impression that she's a slut...(I wouldn't use that word of course when speaking to her.)

 

We've had the same kind of talk with our son vis-a-vis this whole "gangsta" look. We don't approve. We don't care that he says it's just a look and not a state of mind, etc. He's too young to make those kinds of decisions. And we've explained our position.

 

I think you need to talk to your wife first though.

 

Good luck.

[clv0116]

Be sure to get her one of those digital cameras with a youtube mode soon.

[dacosta]

So I talked to her mother today. She got kind of defensive about the whole thing. Said that my daughter wears them because she finds them more comfortable than the other kind, and that she isn't showing her thong to anybody anyways, so that basically its none of my business. I told her I was considering not letting her wear them when she stays with me, and she said 'big deal, she only stays with you four times a month' and that doing that wouldn't stop her from wearing what she chooses and what she says is more comfortable.

She did reassure me that she wouldn't let her wear pants that sit too low, or a skirt that would be too revealing with that type of underwear.

I guess I've done about all I can do......right?

[TwinkletOes26]

OK im not a parent but i will give mo here lol...I dont see why it matters as long as she isnt showing her undies to anyone. Sounds like you just need to have a chat with her about keeping her underwear from showing. Maybe her mother needs to get her lowrise thongs. I mean its undies if no one sees them who cares. Just talk to her mother about teaching her about proper thong wear. She has to learn this at some point in her life or youll find her in her 20s wearing her thong out for everyone to see rebelling and then you cant do jack about it bc shes grown. Now is the time to tell her a boys perspective when they see a girls undies any undies even granny panties lol....

[Meaplus3]

So I talked to her mother today. She got kind of defensive about the whole thing. Said that my daughter wears them because she finds them more comfortable than the other kind, and that she isn't showing her thong to anybody anyways, so that basically its none of my business. I told her I was considering not letting her wear them when she stays with me, and she said 'big deal, she only stays with you four times a month' and that doing that wouldn't stop her from wearing what she chooses and what she says is more comfortable.

She did reassure me that she wouldn't let her wear pants that sit too low, or a skirt that would be too revealing with that type of underwear.

I guess I've done about all I can do......right?

 

I think you did a good job of speaking up to your XW about this matter. You know I'm a mom and a very protective one for that matter so I can imagine how you were feeling when you found out she was wearing a thong at age 10. But, you know as long as no one can see them and she's wearing the thong for more of a comfort purpose.. and not because she was into boys and sex at this age, then I see nothing wrong with it. I think you have done what you can for now. If I were you I'd just keep an eye on her behavior. If you notice a big change and not one that your pleased with, then I think you should speak to your XW again. Best wishes.

 

Mea:)

[TwinkletOes26]

Here here mea great answer....i just have the perspective of the ten yr old cos i am not a rent LOL....but yea watch her if shes going around showing it off shes trying to sexy vs just trying not to have panty lines

 

on another note ummmm they make thongs small enough for a 10 yr old to get in i mean im small (98 pounds at 5'1) but dang how small do thongs run

[dacosta]

Well I'm a guy, so I don't know too much about it, but I was in her room at her mother's house, about two weeks ago and I saw a victoria secrets pink bag, so I guess they make small thongs there. I also noticed a few tags with the same logo on the underwear themselves while doing laundry. Don't know if that helps or not, though I remember when VS was a store for adults lol.

[Mandapanda]

Is it only the thongs? Or is it more? Is she wearing shirts that show her belly button? or really short skirts?

[TwinkletOes26]

I was informed that 10 yr olds are usually a size 1 so a thong in a xs would fit well... anywho i wouldnt worry unless shes pairing it with booty shorts and a tank top. In the end the bigger of an issue u make out of this the more shell want to wear them just ignore it unless shes trying to use it to pick up dudes.

[dacosta]

thanks for the advice everyone. No, she isn't wearing short skirts or belly shirts or booty shorts or anything like that. She just dresses like a normal decent kid for her age. It was just the thongs that threw me for a loop. But I guess I should just relax and not feel so guilty about not thinking its such a big deal. I appreciate all the input.

[Raiatea]

Here here mea great answer....i just have the perspective of the ten yr old cos i am not a rent LOL....but yea watch her if shes going around showing it off shes trying to sexy vs just trying not to have panty lines

 

VPL was exactly the reason I started wearing thongs at a young age. I didn't associate them with anything sexual, I just didn't want the other kids making fun of my visible underwear!

[hotgurl]

I don't understand why most people think thongs=sex.

 

Sometimes it is simply to avoid panty lines or have your underwear showing. As I remember my mom got me big full coverage briefs when I was 10 but unfortunatly they stick out of my pants and I got teased a lot. because my underwear was showing.

 

also Victoria Secrets sells inderwear bras lingerie and clothing.

 

as long as whatever ese she is wearing is ok don't worry about it.

[TwinkletOes26]

Of course now i buy them to show off to my bf but im 27 lol....now if only i could find a bf to show them to

[Mandapanda]

thanks for the advice everyone. No, she isn't wearing short skirts or belly shirts or booty shorts or anything like that. She just dresses like a normal decent kid for her age. It was just the thongs that threw me for a loop. But I guess I should just relax and not feel so guilty about not thinking its such a big deal. I appreciate all the input.

 

 

 

If it is only the thong, that it probably is due to comfort. Although, I don't know how anyone would find them comfortable. But, that's just me. Do not start to worry until the booty shorts and belly shirts start showing up on her.

[SierraRose]

I am sorry, but a 10 year old girl does not belong shopping for thongs in a Victoria's Secret store.

[whichwayisup]

Question is, how does a 10 year know about Victoria Secret? Let alone GO there and shop.