Trialbyfire Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Oh, and don't get into the trap of asking for scraps of affection or having to nag for it. He's a grown up and is responsible for himself. If he wants to meet your needs, he'll do it. If he refuses to change, walk.
Saint Valentine Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 maybe he'll pull out a sleeping bag and suggest you both get in naked after you talk to him That would have been my guess.
Saint Valentine Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 No amount of "talking about it" changes people like this IMO. You're either affectionate or you're not. That's so true. People don't change. But you can grow to understand him better. In time, you will notice more and more ways that he shows affection - ways that you weren't "tuned in" to. He had a crush on you for two years before he got up the courage to ask you out. These things can sometimes take a while to fully develop.
Touche Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 That's so true. People don't change. But you can grow to understand him better. In time, you will notice more and more ways that he shows affection - ways that you weren't "tuned in" to. He had a crush on you for two years before he got up the courage to ask you out. These things can sometimes take a while to fully develop. Well people can change but I really don't think when it comes to this kind of thing one changes. It's like having a sense of humor. You either have one or you don't. No one can talk you into having one you know? As for the rest, I understand what you're saying. I think. Some people show their love and affection in other ways. Thing is that those other ways aren't enough for some of us. If that makes me a needy bitch so be it.
Isolde Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Yep, dealbreaker. I'm also a fairly cuddly person and I could never stay in a situation like this. He may be a good guy, but you don't want to end up having to initiate every hug, kiss, cuddle... not fair to you! Affection is one of the best things about a relationship to people like you and me--don't compromise it just because you've invested in him for a long time. Let us know what he says!
Saint Valentine Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Well people can change but I really don't think when it comes to this kind of thing one changes. It's like having a sense of humor. You either have one or you don't. No one can talk you into having one you know? That's a great analogy. And it's so true.
Touche Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 That's a great analogy. And it's so true. Well thanks...I think. (I never know with you. ) And I don't know that it's a great analogy but I really do think being affectionate isn't something you can fake. Sure if you talk to him he might put his arm around you now and then and he might even hold you after sex for a while...but in the end he'll revert back to what comes naturally to him. I think if he's this way after only a short period of time together, don't expect that to get any better...temporarily maybe if you say something but in the end..nope because it's just not who he is.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 So no one in here thinks that maybe its just because we have been together for only 2 months, and isn't "in love" with me yet? Or comfortable enough with me YET?
Touche Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 So no one in here thinks that maybe its just because we have been together for only 2 months, and isn't "in love" with me yet? Or comfortable enough with me YET? He's comfortable enough to have great sex with you though but not to put his arm around you or cuddle with you?
Saint Valentine Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 He's comfortable enough to have great sex with you though but not to put his arm around you or cuddle with you? I hope he's not thinking about somebody else when he's thrusting away. Anyway, from what I remember, this guy has a history of FWBs before he decided to be exclusive. It might just be that he prefers fresh meat, and is beginning to have second thoughts. On the other hand, it's worth giving this time. He may start to open up to you, if you keep making an effort to break down his walls.
Green Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 So no one in here thinks that maybe its just because we have been together for only 2 months, and isn't "in love" with me yet? Or comfortable enough with me YET? could be that in my Opinon i was afectionate with my gf right from the start although I never really did more then little lip pecks when we first started kissing. About two months in we really started making out... maybe I'm just slow/// we started having sex though like after the first date
Isolde Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Seriously, I can't even conceptualize not enjoying cuddling with a person you have chosen to be in a relationship with. ???
Saint Valentine Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Seriously, I can't even conceptualize not enjoying cuddling with a person you have chosen to be in a relationship with. ??? Maybe you're really hot, and there's no air conditioning.
clv0116 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Seriously, I can't even conceptualize not enjoying cuddling with a person you have chosen to be in a relationship with. ??? I know, physically I'm a clinger, drove a few of my girlfriends crazy.
You'reasian Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Cuddling is a great way to stay warm after sex - and to flirt/make-fun/be romantic - heck, it just might lead to another round of sex
mr.dream merchant Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Maybe you're just a piece of ass to him? Thats what happens sometimes when you give it up too quick shorty.
Touche Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Cuddling is a great way to stay warm after sex - and to flirt/make-fun/be romantic - heck' date=' it just might lead to another round of sex [/quote'] Stay warm after sex? Huh?
You'reasian Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Maybe you're just a piece of ass to him? Thats what happens sometimes when you give it up too quick shorty. Shouldn't it be spelled Shawtie lol
mr.dream merchant Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Shouldn't it be spelled Shawtie lol Nah I'm a northern boy. That's southern slang for ya. I'm more of a fitted, polo, timbs, clean white teeth kinda guy.
EYECANDY000 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 He wont know that you liked to be hugged during movies, or after being intimate unless you tell him. You have to tell your SO what you like and what you dont like.. But if you continue to let it go unsaid and let it get you all rattled then he will never know whats bothering you, and by the time he figures it out you are going to be done with the realtionship.
Trialbyfire Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 He wont know that you liked to be hugged during movies, or after being intimate unless you tell him. You have to tell your SO what you like and what you dont like.. But if you continue to let it go unsaid and let it get you all rattled then he will never know whats bothering you, and by the time he figures it out you are going to be done with the realtionship. Exactly. Too little, too late. Talk to him Candy. You've got nothing to lose.
calazhage Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Thank you, that is true now that I think about it. I don't think he was and thats a great point. My EX before him was kind of the same way, not as bad. But yes that was the problem, his family was never affectionate. By the time I broke up with him he was so affectionate it was over bearing. Truthfully, some women are more difficult to be affectionate around. At least initially. Maybe it the is vibes you are putting out towards him.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 Truthfully, some women are more difficult to be affectionate around. At least initially. Maybe it the is vibes you are putting out towards him. No, they are the same nationality... raised without affection.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 Maybe you're just a piece of ass to him? Thats what happens sometimes when you give it up too quick shorty. Yeah I know, that is what I am afraid of. I was worried that he was thinking this, but then the day after I thought this he told me how he told his mom about me. I have also met all of his friends.... so again confusing.
Author CandyGirlXO Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 Anyway, from what I remember, this guy has a history of FWBs before he decided to be exclusive. It might just be that he prefers fresh meat, and is beginning to have second thoughts. On the other hand, it's worth giving this time. He may start to open up to you, if you keep making an effort to break down his walls. Yeah he hasn't had a real relationship in 3-4 years, so I think he just has his walls up. That is what I think is really going on. He is scared because of what has happened to him.
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