ConfusedAtHome Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 So, I have been out of a 3 year relationship for about 5 months now ( I still live with my ex for another month) and began dating someone in the last month and a half. I'm not big on dating, so for me, dating one person at a time works. The new person and I have a great time and I began having major feelings for her and her for me. But, I am stressed out with a move, job stress, and upcoming international trip and I began to feel overwhelmed. I started to panic about how quickly this was moving with her and broke it off completely. She said I led her on (I did in a way--spending lots of quality, great times together). Of course, now I'm regretting and reeling from this. I should've been more upfront with her about thinking it was moving too quickly, but I thought those would pass, so I didn't mention them and, immaturely, began pulling away. She thinks I'm dating someone new and I told her that wasn't the case. I did IM her today and say that I have been thinking about her. She did not respond. I guess I should just leave her alone at this point. I leave the country on Thursday and I guess I will hopefully find clarity on this trip. I truly like and care for her, but I was an idiot in how I handled this. Any advice?
Geishawhelk Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Write her a proper letter. A real, handwritten one, telling her that you know you've been a complete idiot, and that you had a panic attack. Try to explain the situation to her, tell her you're going away, and that you'd love to get in touch with her on your return. you're not seeing anyone, and have not seen anyone since you foolishly broke up with her. Tell her you are truly sorry for having treated her that way, you accept everything she's said, and you just wish there was a way of re-connecting with her..... You realise how much she means to you, and you'd hate to think you closed that door for good..... Then, wait until you get back, and see if she's more willing to engage..... That's all I can suggest. But a hand-written letter is so unusual, it may just work.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 Write her a proper letter. A real, handwritten one, telling her that you know you've been a complete idiot, and that you had a panic attack. Try to explain the situation to her, tell her you're going away, and that you'd love to get in touch with her on your return. you're not seeing anyone, and have not seen anyone since you foolishly broke up with her. Tell her you are truly sorry for having treated her that way, you accept everything she's said, and you just wish there was a way of re-connecting with her..... You realise how much she means to you, and you'd hate to think you closed that door for good..... Then, wait until you get back, and see if she's more willing to engage..... That's all I can suggest. But a hand-written letter is so unusual, it may just work. Thanks Geisha... She is clearly upset with me and she should be. I may just try the letter. I am leaving on Thursday and getting back on Sunday, so that should give her some time to see if she wants to see me. I was a little surprised she didn't IM me back when I said I had been thinking about her. I want to date her, but I need to go slower and I don't know if she is willing to do that at this point. I feel I just made a "rash" decision and now I feel foolish.
socialight Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 >>I need to go slower Define "go slower". Be specific.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 >>I need to go slower Define "go slower". Be specific. For me, it means dating, spending time together and getting to know one another without the labels of "girlfriends". But, as I stated before, I don't like dating around so when I am dating someone it does seem exclusive b/c I spend time with that person often. I feel like I did lead her on in that way and I'm regretful. I still want to see her, but I can't make an everyday commitment right now.
socialight Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 >>For me, it means dating, spending time together and getting to know one another without the labels of "girlfriends". But, as I stated before, I don't like dating around so when I am dating someone it does seem exclusive b/c I spend time with that person often. So let me get this straight. 1) You like this girl a lot 2) You want to date her 3) If dating her, you only want to date her, as you do not like "dating around" 4) you don't want to use the label "girlfriend". Brother it if walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it's a duck. You are exhibiting tendancies of what they call a serial monogomist. You want to be with this girl yet reserve the right to dump her if something better comes along. I get it. I recommend, for this girls sake, that you refrain from contacting her, and wait for someone to come along where you can feel in short order that you are ready for a committment. Unless she is clear that she "just wants to have a good time".
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