Bgirl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I have question from everyone who reads this thread, opninions and past experiences are welcomed . I am dating a guy for about 3 months now and he trats me well , we hang out often and such . We are not official yet becuase we dont want to rush , but things are progressing to a next level . The only problem that I have is that he brings up "all the stuff that he used to do for his ex alot " he doesnt talks about her , he JUST brings up all the things that he used to do for her. This worries me becuase I dont know if that's a red flag , like he is thinking about her , AND he never has a detial for me . I dont feel special around him becuase we always go half - half for eveything but he never really "gives without expecting to recieve" . This hurts me because he tells me how he used to spend " Thousands and thousands" on dinners , movies , expensive jewelry all the way to trips and furniture for his ex . For Vday , he gave me a very small gift with no thought in it ( 10 $ probably ) , it even had Christmas wrapping , which made me think that he found that in his mom's closet . Not like I care about money , but the details and thought count. Why was he so giving to his ex and I cant get him to at least give me a flower once, even though I've had details for him ? Does that mean he is not into me ?
headlesschicken Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 you said yourself you're not official yet. give it time. maybe he doesn't want to spend lots of cash on you when you're not even his lady yet, and maybe he's bringing up what he did for his x to gauge your reaction---to see if you're shallow and money grubbing. talk to him.
serial muse Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Yep...I think the real question here is why is he telling you about what he did for his ex? Seems to me that it's either veiled bragging (ooh, I'm so rich) or testing you (are you a golddigger?) Either of which is highly unappealing. He needs to stop that. I think the best approach here is to be direct. Why not ask him why he feels the need to share those things with you? Or, next time he brings that stuff up, just shut it down by saying, "well, I'm not her, so what you did for her is irrelevant." End of discussion.
lofi_tokyo Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I read your other post and you noted that you and this man have been intimate. You met him about four months ago, when was it that you started fooling around together? With regards to physical actions, is he moving quite quickly, but acting emotionally slow? If he IS, then that and the fact that he still talks about his ex implies to me that he is on the rebound, and you are his reboundee. He does not want a full blown relationship because he is simply not ready for one - he is still emotionally connected to his ex in some way. This could be why is he not really romancing you as much as an individual fully ready to date may do.
colosseum Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Yeah, sorry but it doesn't sound like he's quite in the right place. I say be straight with him next time. Something doesn't seem right. Good luck to you.
Author Bgirl Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 tokyovogue He have been talking on phone for about a month and then he asked me on a date for his birthday , which implied that I met half his family and friends at once. Follow this :In the beginning he wanted to go slow because he needed to make sure our expectations were met . Then we got physical and it was great I cant complain. Now he is sort of backing off as well, like we used to cuddle so much . Now I feel he is distancing himself and he told me yesterday that he needs time to make sure we dont get hurt . Then again he mentioned his ex last friday when he took me out for dinner , beucas ethe place was an expensive one , we stared talking about dating in general and he brought the " I have done so much for her , but she didnt return" topic . Now I feel bad. serial muse I dont think he wants to brag that he is rich , he is always complaining to me that he has no money and implies that I help him out with stuff , he has paid for a couple dinners , so I dont mind helping out .
Recommended Posts