I was the unfaithful one and still home

[kittygirl]

I am in need of some neutral advice. Please don't tell me what a cheat I am, trust me, I feel terrible about what I have done to my husband and kids. I am almost 40, have been married since I was 18 with a 19 year old and 17 year old. I haven't felt very close to my husband...he was emotionally abusive and critical of me for years. He didn't mean it, it was all he knew. He has changed now but I don't feel like I am in love anymore. I had an affair with a person whom I've known my entire life (he is 10 years my senior) and we really fell hard for one another. We cut it off two years ago and reunited in november. Since then, we ended things again two weeks ago (I felt very bad for my husband and kids) and now all I can do is cry. He still loves me and I love him. If I leave for him, there will be people in my life who won't be there any longer. He was in prison and has a past and people judge him. I know who he is and I love him. He is a good person and learned from his mistakes. Thanks for listening...

[Geishawhelk]

Oh just do it.

Your kids are grown, and you may not get another chance.

If you stay in a loveless marriage, you'll die regretting it.

My ex and I divorced after 22 years.

My daughters refused to talk to me for 4 years, and it caused a lot of ructions.

But hey, 5 years down the line, I'm still here, my eldest daughter's back in touch and we talk regularly, and whaddya know? Nobody's died of it.

[Owl]

Does your H know of your affair?

 

What ACTIVE steps have you, and your H, taken to fix things in the marriage?

 

What's still left to fix?

 

At the end of the day...you're GOING to have to choose one of them. And at that point...SOMEONE will be hurt, and no longer a part of your life.

 

You have to pick who you're going to keep in your life, and who you're not.

 

It's that simple...not easy...but simple.

[Dexter Morgan]

I had an affair with a person whom I've known my entire life (he is 10 years my senior) and we really fell hard for one another. We cut it off two years ago and reunited in november. Since then, we ended things again two weeks ago (I felt very bad for my husband and kids) and now all I can do is cry. He still loves me and I love him. If I leave for him, there will be people in my life who won't be there any longer.

 

Well thats just too bad. You made your decision. Even if you don't leave your husband and you and the other guy decide to part ways...your heart will belong to him and thats not fair to your husband.

 

I think you need to divorce and take your chances. As far as certain people being in your life, well again, thats just too bad. That is your problem...shouldn't be your husband's.

 

 

He was in prison and has a past and people judge him. I know who he is and I love him. He is a good person and learned from his mistakes.

 

Then get a divorce. Your husband shouldn't have to put up with being married to someone that loves another man just because you are afraid to lose friends and/or family.

[kittygirl]

Oh just do it.

Your kids are grown, and you may not get another chance.

If you stay in a loveless marriage, you'll die regretting it.

My ex and I divorced after 22 years.

My daughters refused to talk to me for 4 years, and it caused a lot of ructions.

But hey, 5 years down the line, I'm still here, my eldest daughter's back in touch and we talk regularly, and whaddya know? Nobody's died of it.

 

 

Thank you for letting me know that it can be done. I feel so bad for my husband, he is very heartbroken. I feel like even if I don't go, my marriage is over...

[Geishawhelk]

It's not easy.

It's not painless.

But it passes.

And once you make your mind up to do it, it's a relief.

 

you have to understand that you will have to take the rough with the smooth.

It won't all be plain sailing, but currently things are far, far from ideal.

 

You're miserable, your H. is miserable, your lover is miserable.

 

You need to tell your H it's over and that you're calling it quits. Then you need to tell your children, and take their reactions on the chin.

The consolation here, is that it's happening to their friends all the time, they're not alone. They can talk to their friends for support, but you, above everything, must keep in touch with them and never lose sight of their lives.

 

Things move on.

One word of advice:

IN all decisions and negotiations regarding the practical, day-to-day division of all material matters relating to the marriage (house, property, goods, chattels, household belongings) be supremely business-like and practical. Do everything you can to keep emotional aspects out of it. The moment you comnbine emotion with business, you're on a slippery slope.

Do everything in these matters with a business viewpoint, not an emotional one.

 

This is extremely important, because you may have to let some stuff go.

 

Items, objects, belongings are all replaceable. They're not important in the big scheme of things, so just be fair and don't argue over trivia.....

 

Be dignified, honest and respectful of others.

Even if you don't always get the same treatment back.

And whilst you are guilty of cheating and starting things on the wrong foot, fair enough. What's done is done.....from today, do the right thing.

[jwi71]

Thank you for letting me know that it can be done. I feel so bad for my husband, he is very heartbroken. I feel like even if I don't go, my marriage is over...

 

If you do NOT see any way to recover a happy M with your H, then its time to divorce.

 

Thought it is hard and painful for you both NOW, down the road it allows both you and your H to have HAPPINESS.

 

Your H WILL heal, recover and hopefully find a woman who CAN love him.

The same for you as well...you can find and date and love another man openly and "legally".

[Reggie]

I agree, it is time to let your husband move on and look for someone with the capacity to love him and be faithful. It will hurt him, no doubt. But , it is a slow death living with an unfaithful partner in a loveless marriage. Let him have the chance to expierience the same type of love you have.

[lostsoulmate]

I am almost 40, have been married since I was 18 with a 19 year old and 17 year old. I haven't felt very close to my husband... I had an affair with a person whom I've known my entire life (he is 10 years my senior) and we really fell hard for one another. We cut it off two years ago and reunited in november. Since then, we ended things again two weeks ago (I felt very bad for my husband and kids) and now all I can do is cry. He still loves me and I love him. If I leave for him, there will be people in my life who won't be there any longer. He was in prison and has a past and people judge him. I know who he is and I love him. He is a good person and learned from his mistakes. Thanks for listening...

 

You have every right to be happy! Now, make the plan, take the steps, to make it happen! Be HAPPY!!!

[Untouchable_Fire]

I haven't felt very close to my husband...he was emotionally abusive and critical of me for years. He didn't mean it, it was all he knew. He has changed now but I don't feel like I am in love anymore. I had an affair with a person whom I've known my entire life (he is 10 years my senior) and we really fell hard for one another.

 

Bottom line. Husband changed but you refuse to forgive him, more than likely because you have another guy.

 

So... WHY? Why are you stringing him along? You have no intention of forgiving him. You have so little respect for him that instead its just pity.

 

Does that make you feel powerful? Important? Better than him?

 

We cut it off two years ago and reunited in november. Since then, we ended things again two weeks ago (I felt very bad for my husband and kids) and now all I can do is cry. He still loves me and I love him. If I leave for him, there will be people in my life who won't be there any longer. He was in prison and has a past and people judge him. I know who he is and I love him. He is a good person and learned from his mistakes. Thanks for listening...

 

Just do it. Pull the trigger so you both can move forward. Your husband has changed... let him find someone who will love him.

 

I can understand many people will leave you if you run off with a convict. Fine, that should be a sacrifice your willing to make if you really loved this guy.

 

It seems like what your really doing is just stringing both guys along. Sure there is some guilt involved, but if you did not get some emotional payoff from this... You would not do it.

 

If you are a good person... you will do the right thing. Choose one and don't look back! I think the jailbird is your best shot at happiness.

[Mr. Lucky]

Thank you for letting me know that it can be done. I feel so bad for my husband, he is very heartbroken. I feel like even if I don't go, my marriage is over...

What have you told your husband about the affair and your future plans? Does he know the truth about your feelings?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Athena]

Kittygirl it sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed at the Great Decision on your plate with all the looming significant changes -- that is, to divorce your H who still wants you, to break up your home (your 17 year old is probably still at home), and to take off with OM who comes with a tarnished reputation which will incur losses to you in your social circle.

 

Wow -- that's an awful lot to do all at once! No wonder you are paralyzed by fear on what to do! What I suggest you do is break up that big task into smaller steps, steps that are more manageable and not so scary -- for instance, move out with your son into a new home, file for divorce. While that is going through the legal system, you can focus on yourself and children. I presume your 17 year old will soon be off to college?

 

When you are legally divorced, you then proceed with OM. I would suggest he does not set up home with you immediately, since that is disruptive to your son at home, and acts as a big red flag to people to choose sides and drop you. If you take the step of divorce, surely you will still have some friends if they can see you are unhappy in your marriage, but are doing whats best for you, at the same time taking care of your child.

After some months, when you let OM back into your life, or people start seeing you dating him, it will be more 'acceptable' in their minds than if you suddenly run off to him now.... plus it will give your H some time to emotionally pull himself together.

 

Don't be an All-or-Nothing kind of person. Act from a position of strength -- place yourself where you want to be.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Kittygirl it sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed at the Great Decision on your plate with all the looming significant changes -- that is, to divorce your H who still wants you, to break up your home (your 17 year old is probably still at home), and to take off with OM who comes with a tarnished reputation which will incur losses to you in your social circle.

 

Wow -- that's an awful lot to do all at once! No wonder you are paralyzed by fear on what to do! What I suggest you do is break up that big task into smaller steps, steps that are more manageable and not so scary -- for instance, move out with your son into a new home, file for divorce. While that is going through the legal system, you can focus on yourself and children. I presume your 17 year old will soon be off to college?

 

When you are legally divorced, you then proceed with OM. I would suggest he does not set up home with you immediately, since that is disruptive to your son at home, and acts as a big red flag to people to choose sides and drop you. If you take the step of divorce, surely you will still have some friends if they can see you are unhappy in your marriage, but are doing whats best for you, at the same time taking care of your child.

After some months, when you let OM back into your life, or people start seeing you dating him, it will be more 'acceptable' in their minds than if you suddenly run off to him now.... plus it will give your H some time to emotionally pull himself together.

 

Don't be an All-or-Nothing kind of person. Act from a position of strength -- place yourself where you want to be.

 

Who's to say the relationship with the OM will work out, she already exposed herself and the OM when she exposed the affair. Once this gets out she's always in some form or fashion is gonna be reminded of that? Why would she go be with a man who is willing to cheat with a married woman, what makes her think this man would be faithful when she does become single?

 

She could rebuild her marriage with her husband, love is not just a feeling it's a choice. If she leaves for this OM she will dedstroy her life and possibly loose the respect of her family, children and friends, is it all worth it? Marriage is what you make it. Her husband has not beat her, hurt her, abused or cheated and yet he's given the short end of the stick? Why is that?

[Athena]

Who's to say the relationship with the OM will work out, she already exposed herself and the OM when she exposed the affair. Once this gets out she's always in some form or fashion is gonna be reminded of that?

I'm sorry, I didn't realize she exposed the affair and the OM, from seeing her original post pasted below. I still don't see it, but perhaps you figured it out from a later post where she says her H is heartbroken? I guess that might mean the A is exposed, I don't know for sure though, in which case socially she still stands a better chance of being accepted if she does it in stages -- divorce, live alone, then hook up with OM.

 

Why would she go be with a man who is willing to cheat with a married woman, what makes her think this man would be faithful when she does become single?

Hmmm, there's an old saying, "All's fair in love and war", but a better question would be what makes HIM think this woman would be faithful when she does become single? Isn't it worse that she is cheating when she is the married one?

However, she does say that she has known this OM all her life. Its a long time to get to know someone really well. She also loves him and wants him. I was looking at her situation, and trying to find a way (solution) for her to get what she says she wants (OM) without being whacked by what she doesn't want (the issues that she's afraid of). Its not what I would do, but its me trying to give her unbiased advice that might work for her in her situation, achieve her goals. Also, I would hate to think her husband would have to live the rest of his days with a wife that doesn't love him. Surely he deserves better?

 

She could rebuild her marriage with her husband, love is not just a feeling it's a choice. If she leaves for this OM she will dedstroy her life and possibly loose the respect of her family, children and friends, is it all worth it? Marriage is what you make it. Her husband has not beat her, hurt her, abused or cheated and yet he's given the short end of the stick? Why is that?

Its a sad situation for her husband, and if he were on this site looking for advice, I would try give him advice that would work towards getting his W back, if that is what he stated he wanted.

 

I am in need of some neutral advice. Please don't tell me what a cheat I am, trust me, I feel terrible about what I have done to my husband and kids. I am almost 40, have been married since I was 18 with a 19 year old and 17 year old. I haven't felt very close to my husband...he was emotionally abusive and critical of me for years. He didn't mean it, it was all he knew. He has changed now but I don't feel like I am in love anymore. I had an affair with a person whom I've known my entire life (he is 10 years my senior) and we really fell hard for one another. We cut it off two years ago and reunited in november. Since then, we ended things again two weeks ago (I felt very bad for my husband and kids) and now all I can do is cry. He still loves me and I love him. If I leave for him, there will be people in my life who won't be there any longer. He was in prison and has a past and people judge him. I know who he is and I love him. He is a good person and learned from his mistakes. Thanks for listening...

[Athena]

To Kittygirl's heartbroken Husband,

 

Your wife has had two long-term affairs with OM and is entertaining ideas of leaving you for him.

You want to keep your wife, and you regret treating her so shabbily for the first couple of years of marriage.

Firstly, I advise you to EXPOSE their affair to everyone you and your wife know! W has known him all her life, and this indicates he is a family friend, and so all the same people can put pressure on both of them to end the affair. Ask her family to stand by your marriage, and to put pressure on her to give it a heartfelt try to make it work.

 

Tell your wife you will do whatever is necessary in the marriage to make it what she wants. Go for independent counseling as well as marital therapy. Ask your wife to give you a year's grace, especially since you have a 17 year old son at home, who still has one year of high school to go, before he heads off to college. Tell her to consider your children's home and stability, especially in this last year of High School he needs to have an emotionally stable home.

[desertmoon]

Chrome,I will be careful here since you have a knife...and apparently a gun, too!

 

Chrome Barracuda;2068772]Who's to say the relationship with the OM will work out, she already exposed herself and the OM when she exposed the affair. Once this gets out she's always in some form or fashion is gonna be reminded of that? Why would she go be with a man who is willing to cheat with a married woman, what makes her think this man would be faithful when she does become single?

I do not know if you have noticed this....but there are no guarantees in life...not even that lavish wedding in front of 500 guests and the piece of paper that two people "in love" sign. The contract of marriage is most breakable contract ever! you know why? because it is based on something intangible....on something volatile. As in, when one person says, "I am not in love with you anymore"--what can you really do? wave that contract on her/his face and say--"well, that's not possible, you signed a contract!"

 

Chrome, have you not read what she posted? She loves this man! ...it is her choice and her sole responsibility. Whatever becomes of her marriage, she will have to answer to. If it fails, well, hopefully, LS will still be here and she'll post and all those that were oppose can rejoice that they had insight to the future and she didnt heed them!

 

She could rebuild her marriage with her husband, love is not just a feeling it's a choice. If she leaves for this OM she will dedstroy her life and possibly loose the respect of her family, children and friends, is it all worth it?

Well, maybe she will destroy her life and lose the respect of her loved ones. But then again, maybe not. Great thing about people who truly love us is that--despite how flawed we are, and how screwed up our life has become--when they see that we have made changes for the better, they will embrace us back...kinda like Jesus and his unconditional love, no?

 

Marriage is what you make it. Her husband has not beat her, hurt her, abused or cheated and yet he's given the short end of the stick? Why is that?

hmmm..i think she said he was EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE...but he has changed, a tad too late though---she no longer loves him...so really why stay? Do you not think the husband deserves to find another woman who would love him like kitty loves her OM?

[Athena]

Excellent post, Desertmoon.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well like i said, if she gets outta the marriage because she's in "love" with the OM what makes her think he's gonna be faithful like one of y'all said there's no guarantees in life. What she's going through is an addiction. Women can be addicted to the feeling of falling in lvoe and not even know it. She probably loves the way he makes her feel but she hasnt lived with him ro had kids with him, she's seen life from the outside looking in.

 

But once the OM gets exposed in the long run she's gonna see all his habits and tedious ways and she's gonna think I gave up my marriage for this crap?

 

It's possible, it might happen it might not. I think if she doesnt love her husband, okay leave. quit be a coward and run off. Apparently an affair is only one aspect of cowardice. But she can start over and find someone else. She doesnt need this OM?

 

Like i said this OM might not be faithful once he have her all to herself. Because the grass is not always greener, it just might be astroturf. And for her to just throw awa a marriage by sleeping around makes me never want to get married in this da and age. You cant trust alot of females to be faithful. I'm sorry. it's all about their feelings and if she meets another "OM" and has feelings for him then what? hop in his bed too?

 

Give me a break!

[desertmoon]

Well like i said, if she gets outta the marriage because she's in "love" with the OM what makes her think he's gonna be faithful like one of y'all said there's no guarantees in life. What she's going through is an addiction. Women can be addicted to the feeling of falling in lvoe and not even know it. She probably loves the way he makes her feel but she hasnt lived with him ro had kids with him, she's seen life from the outside looking in.

 

All good points, chrome! and all possible scenarios...so what do you think she needs to do?

 

But once the OM gets exposed in the long run she's gonna see all his habits and tedious ways and she's gonna think I gave up my marriage for this crap?

It's possible, it might happen it might not. I think if she doesnt love her husband, okay leave. quit be a coward and run off. Apparently an affair is only one aspect of cowardice. But she can start over and find someone else. She doesnt need this OM?

 

Why not the OM? He is the man she loves!

 

And for her to just throw awa a marriage by sleeping around makes me never want to get married in this da and age.

Number one, she didnt JUST throw her marriage away...she stayed for years despite her husband's emotional abuse. Number two, she did not "sleep around"---c'mon chrome, do not be unfair! You are insiuating that she is whoring around...she has known this man for years! and she has been with him only... I know it is very easy to trivialize what she feels, it makes us all look rational and logical--but no need to drag her to the gutter..

 

You cant trust alot of females to be faithful. I'm sorry. it's all about their feelings and if she meets another "OM" and has feelings for him then what? hop in his bed too?

Chrome, sounds like a big problem...so what will you do? jump the fence?

 

Anyway, cheating apparently is not exclusive to women only...some men cheat..although perhaps only a handful:rolleyes:!

[Athena]

Well like i said, if she gets outta the marriage because she's in "love" with the OM what makes her think he's gonna be faithful

You are right, there are no guarantees in life. However, one thing she has in her favour with this OM is that she has known him for many many years -- for her entire life in fact! Surely that is a good enough gamble for her to take. Look, in MY opinion, I would be very wary of running off with a "jailbird" as someone called him.... this is because people usually don't change their character... patterns of behaviour remain steadfast over the years. Not saying change is impossible, just saying its not likely.

However -- on the one hand she is in an unhappy marriage with a H she claims she has NEVER loved, and she is crazy in love with Mr.JB...

 

What she's going through is an addiction. Women can be addicted to the feeling of falling in lvoe and not even know it. She probably loves the way he makes her feel

This addiction you speak of is probably more likely to happen in newer affairs... where the partners are infatuated with each other. However, this person has been with this person before and then again more recently... so maybe she knows its love.

 

But once the OM gets exposed in the long run she's gonna see all his habits and tedious ways and she's gonna think I gave up my marriage for this crap?

Then she's going to have to learn her lesson the hard way -- some people need to learn them first hand, because they don't learn lessons from watching what happens to other people.

In the case that she regrets her decision to leave H and be with OM, as Desertmoon pointed out, there is always the possibility of her running back to H and be forgiven... sigh.

 

But she can start over and find someone else. She doesnt need this OM?

Yeah, but she thinks she does need this OM.

And also, if OM were not in the picture at all, then she would not be tormented about staying in the marriage, or leaving -- she said she hates what she's doing to her H and thinks she should stay for her kids and H.

 

And for her to just throw awa a marriage by sleeping around makes me never want to get married in this da and age. You cant trust alot of females to be faithful. I'm sorry. it's all about their feelings and if she meets another "OM" and has feelings for him then what? hop in his bed too?

I doubt that would happen to you Chrome, in the first place you are aware of what some females can do, so you would make damn sure you really got to know the woman very well before committing to a shared life with her, and putting your fragile trust in her hands. But that's what love is all about. When you experience love you will be more likely to want to take that chance, because you will not be able to live without that woman...

[Chrome Barracuda]

I think if she wants this OM so bad and cant wait I think the best thing for her to do is leave, pack all her things and bring them to OM's house, take her name off the martgage, forgoes any alimony and just leave. Let the OM take care of her. her husband can probably do much better than a woman who cant make up her mind. She'll probably always have one foot out the door and never be happy not because her husband is never there, it's probably because SHE will never be happy inside.

 

She thinks she loves this OM how much of that is truth, how much of that is fog? Like i said the grass isnt always greener. bt hey let her learn that the hard wa and if OM goes chris brown on her A** I cant be sympathetic to it because. she "loves" him right?

 

I'm calling Bullshi* on the emotional abuse for years. No woman claims emotional abuse for years staying and then wants to jump ship. how do you females know she isnt lying about the relationship about her husband as evidenced on other sites Waward spouses rewrite history and lie!!! I think they we're probably a few arguements but I dont think he's an abuser like she portrayed him out to be. I think she said that to gain an sympathetic ear, but i aint buying it... And yes she did sleep around, she cheated with another man, so what do you call it, recreational reading? lol.

 

I dont know what you mean by jump the fence but I have met a few females that are wifey material but time and time again women are emotional creatures any man can come along when she's weak and spit game and 95% of the damn time they will fall for it!!! And im not saying men dont cheat either but we're not talking about men on this particular thread though. if it was a dude I'd be talking the same way. im an equal opportunity guy.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You are right, there are no guarantees in life. However, one thing she has in her favour with this OM is that she has known him for many many years -- for her entire life in fact! Surely that is a good enough gamble for her to take. Look, in MY opinion, I would be very wary of running off with a "jailbird" as someone called him.... this is because people usually don't change their character... patterns of behaviour remain steadfast over the years. Not saying change is impossible, just saying its not likely.

However -- on the one hand she is in an unhappy marriage with a H she claims she has NEVER loved, and she is crazy in love with Mr.JB...

 

 

This addiction you speak of is probably more likely to happen in newer affairs... where the partners are infatuated with each other. However, this person has been with this person before and then again more recently... so maybe she knows its love.

 

 

Then she's going to have to learn her lesson the hard way -- some people need to learn them first hand, because they don't learn lessons from watching what happens to other people.

In the case that she regrets her decision to leave H and be with OM, as Desertmoon pointed out, there is always the possibility of her running back to H and be forgiven... sigh.

 

 

Yeah, but she thinks she does need this OM.

And also, if OM were not in the picture at all, then she would not be tormented about staying in the marriage, or leaving -- she said she hates what she's doing to her H and thinks she should stay for her kids and H.

 

 

I doubt that would happen to you Chrome, in the first place you are aware of what some females can do, so you would make damn sure you really got to know the woman very well before committing to a shared life with her, and putting your fragile trust in her hands. But that's what love is all about. When you experience love you will be more likely to want to take that chance, because you will not be able to live without that woman...

 

Like i said maybe when she moves in with him she'll see the grass aint greener. I'm thinking she was always infatuated with this man and once he earned her trust he caught her at a weak spot. and he spit game and she fell for it, hook, line and sinker. there's nothing to it. She was easy prey. Also just because she's in love with this OM does not guarantee he will ever be faithful to her if the situation arises!

 

It's not love, love is a choice.

 

I do not think her husband would willingly take her back if she changes her mind. I know I wouldnt. Her words even if she's under the influence of the affair hurts and if I was reading them, once she left I would consider myself divorced and started nailing everything in sight. lol. ( I would definitely file first though.)

 

She's tormenting herself, like i said marriage is what you make it. You get what you give. If she perceives her marriage to be an emotional crapstorm in her mind it will be. Like i said it's either she goes NC and writes this OM off forever and rebuild or moves right in with the OM and he starts being her husband, it's her choice. She has control of herself.

 

Oh believe me athena I have fallen in love with women before and made the hard choice of leaving when they hurt me. I didnt come back because my self respect and my personal intergrity was more important. It sucked but that was my cross to bear you know. it was ego or pride. it was who I am as a man.

[jnj express]

Basically you are getting to the point in your life where whoever you do end up with, is the person you want to grow old with. OK, your H didn't know how to act earlier in the mge., but he has learned, you have hurt him with the worse pain possible for the average human to handle. He seems to still want you. On the other hand you can't decide whether to run off with this toxic jailbird, and i don't catre whether he served his time, he still commited a criminal act and caused his victim pain, You have known this jailbird all your life, been in relationships with him twice, and neither time did it work well enough for you to stay. Does that not tell you something. The grass with this guy will never be greener, can you live in the real world with him, is he capable of paying bills, fixing problems, handling day to day life that a real married partner such as your Husband has done. Your marriage may not be all that you want it to be, but what have you done to help fix it, how much have you actually tried to make it with your Husband. He has allegedly come around, learned from his mistakes, why can't you fall back in love with him. This is all assuming he will even have you back. If you think it's easy for a 40 year old to find good partners out there, you better think long and hard, it isn't easy. You should really think hard and long about how you want to spend the rest of your life, cuz that is what this is all about.

[Untouchable_Fire]

The grass with this guy will never be greener, can you live in the real world with him, is he capable of paying bills, fixing problems, handling day to day life that a real married partner such as your Husband has done. Your marriage may not be all that you want it to be, but what have you done to help fix it, how much have you actually tried to make it with your Husband. He has allegedly come around, learned from his mistakes, why can't you fall back in love with him. This is all assuming he will even have you back.

 

We don't know what this guy served time for. Could be a bank robber, or a child molester, or something white collar. Chances are though it was drug related.

 

Do not try and convince her to spend the rest of her life with a man she resents and pities!

 

Let this stupid marriage be over and set each of them free. Yes life can be hard for someone 40 and single, but there simply is no other option here. There is no love left in the marriage.

 

Kitty, if your still reading this thread... to have strung these guys along this far is bad. Redeem yourself by ending the farce. Make a choice!

[Reggie]

Gotta agree with Chrome on the alleged emotional abuse likliehood. It happens all the time, the histroy rewriting. One has to wonder who the real abuser was in their relationship. After all, infidelity is considered by many therapists to be the most severe from of emotional abuse. If she's been willing to subject her H to it, one wonders what other types of abusive behaviors she's engaged in.

But, I do agree she should cut out for her husband's sake. It may hurt him a lot, initially, but he will be better off without her.

If she loves a guy with a criminal history, and a current capacity for cheating with a married woman, I'd lay odds on this realtionship failing. But, in the hormonal insanity of "true love", folks don't see this clearly.