northstar1 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Or has dating become harder and harder the past few years, and a lot less relaxed? It just seems, based on personal experience, as well as the posts on here that 1)People have become increasingly picky/selective/judgemental, and pull the parachute faster these days, if their date doesn't match up to some ideal steretype, or doesnt' do everything perfectly from the get go. There seem to be a lot more posts about "We went out a few times and then he/she just vanished" I'm not sure if it's the fact we've become an increasingly speed based society through technology (no one has patience anymore,), or that media keeps reinforcing the idea that you don't need a mate, you can hold out for Mr. Perfect (Sex and the City, He's just not that into you etc) 2)Internet dating has made the whole process like shopping. People are constantly thinking there is something slightly better out there, so they just keep searching and searching........never finding it. It's like shopping online, click click click. Maybe it's just me thinking this but it seems like we've just become 'automated' in our dating habits.
missdependant Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Dating changes with age. After you've been in failed relationships you learn more about what you want, therefore making people pickier.. Internet dating is a convenience as an adult. Met my boyfriend on myspace.. didn't expect it to go anywhere, but now we've been together for a year and living together, also expecting a baby. Things will progress, you just have to be patient and equally as picky. There's someone out there for everyone I think. :-)
nicki Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Yes, I see what you mean, Northstar. It does seem like dating has gone more the way of convenience food. Fast, superficial and not very respectful to the digestive tract! On the other hand, I do think people have learned from past experiences and are on the lookout for a potential repeat, so they bail if they can look forward and see that their needs won't be met. Maybe that means they bail prematurely sometimes when it would have worked out. Maybe it means they have learned from their past mistakes and have avoided future pain. Either way, what I have noticed most is an increase in the lack of respect and morals. Exclusivity means exclusive. It's not a gray area. Not wanting to get serious is okay, but don't string someone along. Letting things develop organically and naturally is still a good idea. So is not using people for selfish reasons. We still have to be upfront, honest and do the right thing. An excess of available resources (people) doesn't change that.
jadelil25 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I know what you mean. It seemed easier when I was younger to meet people. If you go to a club or bar people only seem interested in one thing and all of my friends are all hooked up and dont know anyone single. I think interent dating is the way forward. Im in my second relationship. The first one lasted 18 months and was not working out in the end and the 2nd one is quite new and seems to be going ok. I didnt think that it would work but it does.
nicki Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Internet dating isn't for me. I prefer to have all the nonverbal input when I meet someone for the first time. Then the emails, IMs, etc can come. It's a good way to share and bond. But, I think it would be much easier to reject someone on your computer. It is one form of communication, but not the whole enchilada. And, yes, the dating sites do feel like shopping to me, and not like real people. I would think it's easy to dismiss people based on little pieces of info that may or not be relevant, simply because there are so many people to weed through. In real life, you meet a FEW people in the course of your day or life that you want to date. Not hundreds at once. It does change the way you think about it. I look at like this, though, even if I had lots of cash in my hand, I still wouldn't take it for granted and stomp on it or burn it. Each dollar would have value. Simple abundance doesn't lessen individual value.
D-Lish Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I don't know if I'd ever meet men if it weren't for the internet. I do not have ONE single friend, not one. Everyone I know is married, engaged, living together or in a serious relationship. The gf's I used to go with on a regular basis now stay at home and NEVER want to go out anymore. Where does that leave me? Sort of sitting here on the computer on the weekends.... It sucks. I enjoy being social- I enjoy getting a little dressed up and hitting the town. The only social time I get now is if I accept a date with someone from a dating site... And I don't do that very often anymore.
blondesmiler Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 2)Internet dating has made the whole process like shopping. People are constantly thinking there is something slightly better out there, so they just keep searching and searching........never finding it. It's like shopping online, click click click. . I agree with this, it is "easier" to shop around so alot of people are always thinking that the next "thing" they try on will be better than the previous one and so on. So they might go on a date, have a really good time but keep "shopping" incase they might find someone to have an really really good time instead of perhaps being happy they found someone that they can have a really good time with and see what progresses from there.
lofi_tokyo Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 In my group of friends (people between 20-23 yrs old) it seems like... An individual that sees some potential in another person will go out with that person - but they won't call it a date necessarily. It is more like a casual hang out and where you see how things end up by the end of the day. If it went well, and future plans are made, its a "date", if it was a dismal failure it was just "hanging out". With that said, what seems to constitute a "dismal failure" does come down to some sort of shopping-like qualities. Personally, I take stock of everything that happens during this potential date, and from other conversations I've had with the person I'm interested in. What are their good traits? What are their bad ones? If the bad outweighs the good (or comes close to doing so), I move right on to the next person. I guess I see it as - why waste time on someone I can't see myself having much fun with? Sometimes its fun to throw caution for to the wind, but that can only last so long before you get bored. So, I shop, my friends shop, we compare what we may end up with, and we make quick choices. But like someone else has said on this thread, as time passes, one learns what they like and don't like in relationships - if red flags are going off from the start, why hold on? At my age, being single can be just as fun as being in a relationship, and as one of my friends recently noted "when you enter a relationship, you give up some of the liberties of being single - so you have to ask yourself, does this guy seem worth giving up the single life?". I should also mention that most of my friends are university students like myself - balancing an exceedingly heavy course load with other parts of life (friends, family, eating well) is already difficult, if you throw in a serious relationship, thats one more thing on your plate to squeeze in, and if a potential partner seems a bit sketchy, then its easier to just cut them out then try to make time for someone who falls short on a long list of priorities.
Isolde Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I don't know if I'd ever meet men if it weren't for the internet. I do not have ONE single friend, not one. Everyone I know is married, engaged, living together or in a serious relationship. The gf's I used to go with on a regular basis now stay at home and NEVER want to go out anymore. Where does that leave me? Sort of sitting here on the computer on the weekends.... It sucks. I enjoy being social- I enjoy getting a little dressed up and hitting the town. The only social time I get now is if I accept a date with someone from a dating site... And I don't do that very often anymore. I'm sorry to hear you're lonely, D. I can relate somewhat. Do you live in a small town?
darby1 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I think people have just grown wiser. I know after my 6 year relationship that sucked the life out of me.. and all the red flags I ignored in the beginning for this idealistic 'stand by your man' crap! Ha! All I know is that the reason I am faster to move on when something seems wrong, is because I ignored those feelings in the past only to prove several times that they are right, so why wait around to see them prove it again and get hurt in the process wasting my precious energy. Am I scared to fall in love?? With a man who will take advantage of my kindness and lock me up for his insecurites, you bet I am!! I want to fall in love with a man I feel safe to be in love with! I want to find someone who will love me back the way I love.. and its custom made to each his own. So being that I am getting older every day and a womens physical beauty doesn't last forever in the eyes of anyone! I need to sort through the wrong one's fast!!
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