annie77 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I was out with my new guy just the other night and he invited me to his sports event which was yesterday, where he will be coaching. We're not exclusive, but we've been seeing each other 3 mos., mostly a physical relationship. He reminded me a few times throughout the night and told me he wanted me to go there and meet up with him. We parted ways and he called to make sure I got home ok and told me he would see me yesterday and will call me that morning. Never heard from him. But I did send him a text, knowing it may take some time for him to reply because he's coaching- asking if he's still at the event, how things are going, hoping I would get the invite again because I didn't want to just pop in without confirming that he still wanted me there. When I sent that text, it was only an hour after the event had started and it would be an all day thing. When he invited me, he even told me that even if I couldn't make it to the event, then he would still like to grab dinner afterwards when I'm available. So knowing this, I sent him another text a few hours later asking him if he would still like to grab dinner after his event. No reply... Nothing at all yesterday, nothing today. Not even an apology or explanation, which surprised me. Because even though he's been a bit flakey before, I would eventually hear from him by the next day. I know he will eventually contact me because this is how he is unfortunately but when he does, if he doesn't have a good explanation, do I let him know he's an jerk and tell him I want nothing to do with him anymore because I'm getting tired of it? Or should I just ignore from now on and give him no explanation, and hope he will stop contacting me? BIGGEST PROBLEM: I'm still so incredibly attracted to him and can't stop thinking about him, so to be honest, I don't want to give him up, yet I don't want to be blown off like this. I don't know what to do!
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I wouldn't even answer his attempts at contact after this. Is this really the kind of person you'd like to be in a relationship with? If it's bad now, just imagine how much worse it will get. Why in the hell would you answer his call/text after this when he can't even be bothered to answer yours? You are setting out a big old sign for your forehead that says, "DOORMAT!" Seriously. Doesn't matter if you're attracted to him - all the attraction in the world that you have for him will not change his behavior. Be done with it - he doesn't deserve to talk to you at all. Besides - if you talk to him (especially with your "SO attracted"), he'll be able to talk his way back in with excuses...until it happens again and again and again.
Geishawhelk Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 You: Committed up to your neck, hanging on to, and for, every word, signal gesture that validates your feelings. Him: Up for a good leg-over now and then, female company, place to park his dick. FWB or fruck-buddy. That's what you are. Incompatibility: 90%. Choice: keep on like this - or find someone who feels the same about you as you do for them? Man, that's a toughie.....
Author annie77 Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 You: Committed up to your neck, hanging on to, and for, every word, signal gesture that validates your feelings. Him: Up for a good leg-over now and then, female company, place to park his dick. FWB or fruck-buddy. That's what you are. Incompatibility: 90%. Choice: keep on like this - or find someone who feels the same about you as you do for them? Man, that's a toughie..... A bit harsh, but I guess I needed to read this. I guess I was hoping for too much with him.
Island Girl Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 So let me get this straight. He invited you to the event and mentioned it several times to you. Instead of going you sent a text after it had started to confirm he wanted you there. Now - he didn't call in the morning but depending on the type of event - he did have a lot to get done before it started, correct? If you wanted to take things to the next level you should have gone. You were invited just the night before and your constant need for reassurance is off-putting. Especially when you get an invitation - but then blow it off. I'll agree with the others here that he isn't keeping his end up very well - but neither are you to be quite frank. In his eyes you blew him off because he had told you and mentioned it several times. He thought you'd show interest and be there. He probably took it badly that you didn't think it that important. I have dated a lot of professional athletes and coaches in my time. It is one thing they take great pride in and it is an easy way to cut them where it hurts if you blow it off or give it less importance. He could be angry or feel somewhat slighted - or both. If you are interested - then you are going to have to respond to the signals he gives you. You are going to have to take the opportunities presented. And don't constantly ask for reassurances like that. Maybe in reality you aren't confident enough to have more of a relationship with this man. It seems you are compatible only as far as the bedroom goes. He does need to make the effort as well but he isn't going to if you keep giving him mixed signals. Then he is giving mixed messages as well. He can be perfectly happy keeping it as it is. I can only assume there may have been other times like this in the past. Hmmm? You need to stop sleeping with him and steer the relationship in a different direction. I am not sure you are capable of doing that. Sorry. So maybe it would be best to just stop now.
jadelil25 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 It is a fault on both sides. You are wrong for not going. He clearly wanted you to turn up other wise he would not have metioned it so many times and would not have reminded you. He is wrong for not replying to your messages or calls. This is a sign that he is not that interested. I know men dont always answer calls or messages straight away due to being busy etc but they normal reply as soon as possible or the next day. He is letting you down and you are letting him down. Also because it has just been physical so far it sounds like he is only interested in one thing. My rule is make them wait for a bit, i.e 2 weeks at least, let them show you that they are in to you and want to do other things apart from that. I say move on and meet someone who is right for you. Just enjoy life and take things as they come. You will be fine.
Author annie77 Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 So since it seems as though I may be somewhat at fault, do I attempt to make contact once more? It's been a couple of days so I'm wondering if I should at least try? The thing is, towards the end of the night, he did mention that he would call me the next morning before the event when he was on his way to let me know when I should meet him there. The way I took it, not hearing from him at all that morning was a sign that he had changed his mind. This is why I allowed an hour until after the event started for me to finally make contact... and I got nothing. The event was over and I contacted him again, and still no response. So am I wrong to assume not getting a phone call that morning was a sign that he must have changed his mind? Because if he really did want me there he would've called to let me know that it's still on and that he was on his way there.
EYECANDY000 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Honestly if this is just a physical relationship then why do you care that he didnt call or respond the next day. Because it seems like he dont. Seems like he is treating the relationship just as it is: Truely physical!!! and with these kind of relationships, no emotions need to be involved! Either tell him you want some kiind of committment and let him know that it bothers you when he stands you up, or continue how it is, and dont make him a priority on your life!
Author annie77 Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 I do understand that in these types of relationships, you shouldn't expect much from the other person, but common courtesy would be nice. It doesn't take much to respond to the other person, even if you're just breaking plans with them, it would be nice to let them know.
Island Girl Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I do understand that in these types of relationships, you shouldn't expect much from the other person, but common courtesy would be nice. It doesn't take much to respond to the other person, even if you're just breaking plans with them, it would be nice to let them know. Had you agreed to go to his event when he asked you? When he mentioned it again - and again - did you agree that you would go? Because if so YOU pulled a no show - and then sent a text AFTER it had started when he was busy for some kind of reassurance. What would happen if you did that at work? -- Um yeah - you'd probably be in a bit of trouble. They wouldn't be too happy. So as far as you and he go: POT, MEET KETTLE.
Author annie77 Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Just an update... 3 days ago, he ended up sending me a text apologizing, saying that he was going through a lot the last two days because his mom flew in from another country and his dad wasn't very happy about it (they're divorced). So there was some family drama. And he also told me the event went great. Didn't even mention anything about me not showing up. I responded telling him I was happy he had a good time there, sorry to hear about the family drama, and hope everything works out. I didn't expect a response after that, but haven't heard back from him.
2sunny Posted March 5, 2009 Posted March 5, 2009 And he also told me the event went great. Didn't even mention anything about me not showing up. I responded telling him I was happy he had a good time there, sorry to hear about the family drama, and hope everything works out. I didn't expect a response after that, but haven't heard back from him. your response encourages his bad behavior and doesn't hold him accountable at all. why don't you just call him on the missed step of not calling you the morning of the event to allow you where you were supposed to be and what time. of course this could have been discussed ahead of time - but it wasn't - leaving him an easy out by inviting you but needing a green light in order to participate. seems like a game to me. he goes on to tell you it went well and he had a good time without you - not ideal from the perspective that he should be saying it would have been more fun with you by my side. now the family drama - and a good excuse for his absence... and you apologize for a few bad days he's having... WRONG... you should be thinking - i know life is tough, but a man that's truly interested can pick up the phone and tell me he's thinking about me - or a quick ice cream just to catch up. he's making no effort for you - you aren't the priority, and you are letting him know this is perfectly acceptable to you. your response says it all... oh honey, i'm sorry you're having such a bad time - it's ok for you to make NO EFFORT or time for me now. he's just not interested enough... that's the bottom line.
Author annie77 Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 [/b] your response encourages his bad behavior and doesn't hold him accountable at all. why don't you just call him on the missed step of not calling you the morning of the event to allow you where you were supposed to be and what time. of course this could have been discussed ahead of time - but it wasn't - leaving him an easy out by inviting you but needing a green light in order to participate. seems like a game to me. he goes on to tell you it went well and he had a good time without you - not ideal from the perspective that he should be saying it would have been more fun with you by my side. now the family drama - and a good excuse for his absence... and you apologize for a few bad days he's having... WRONG... you should be thinking - i know life is tough, but a man that's truly interested can pick up the phone and tell me he's thinking about me - or a quick ice cream just to catch up. he's making no effort for you - you aren't the priority, and you are letting him know this is perfectly acceptable to you. your response says it all... oh honey, i'm sorry you're having such a bad time - it's ok for you to make NO EFFORT or time for me now. he's just not interested enough... that's the bottom line. Geez, I'm doing everything wrong here. I think it's because the last relationship I had lasted 8 years and I'm just so used to being very forgiving and used to putting in effort. That was the last time I heard from him though, 3 days ago. He's been known to flake, so there's that possibility I may hear from him this weekend, since that's the time I usually hear from him. If so, I guess I will just ignore from now on. Or should I let him know he was rude for doing this and it's best to cut off contact?
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