I love a girl who did a threesome with a male friend - can't accept it!

[Jeff22]

Hi,

 

I know the girl in question, Cathy, since 1999. For me, it was love at first sight, but she didn't want a serious relationship at a time. So we agreed to live an "open" relationship and for 1 year and a half we were close friends that loved each other and had sex together, but she wasn't my GF. During that time, I dated about 5 or 6 other women while Cathy had sex with many many boys.

 

Then, in 2001, I decided it was OVER and that I didn't want to continue that "game" anymore, so we parted ways but always had news of each other by a common friend, though we never talked or met afterwards. Cathy then got involved in a relation with a girl and had a real good sexual time with her male friends from college (many threesomes and one night adventures), while, on my side, I begun a serious 2 year relationship with a fantastic girl.

 

Recently, my feelings for my girlfriend vanished and I had a growing desire to "explore". This is when I met Cathy again. That was a real motive for breaking up with my 2-year girlfriend. I then broke up and Cathy and I begun to meet again. I must say that we love each other very much and sadly enough, she confessed she never stopped loving me throughout those 2 years and that I was the only lover she ever had real fun with, etc. Cathy never had a real serious boyfriend in her life. Her longest relation lasted 2 months and it was mostly meant to "piss me off" as she said. She was really mad that I wanted to end this with her back in the time so she said the 2 month relation was mostly meant to hurt me.

 

So here we are, we meet and sleep together many times a week and love each other very much again. She is now ready to have a serious relationship with me bacause she "experimented enough now.."

 

The problem is her male friend Marty with whom she had sex twice during threesome experiences in the last 2 years..

I don't know Marty very well and met with him once but I can't seem to stand the fact that he got "all that I can get" from her, sexually speaking. I mean, I can't see him, I avoid him like the plague and get angry and sad whenever she talks to me about him. I can't seem to stand the fact that he had sex with her, that she desired him sexually and now I love her, she loves me, but I can't help imagining that he's standing there laughing at me surely saying "heh, I f****ed your GF, I know all you got! You got nothing left that I haven't seen or had" and I feel like I can't deal with the fact I get nothing more he got except her love and caring. Even then, they are such close friends that I'm convinced he knows more about her than I do.

 

I know love is the main thing, but the intimacy I get with her is so precious to me, I can't seem to accept the fact that he know what she looks like naked, how she screams...she's the end of the world to me and this guy laughs at me hysterically thinking he saw all I got and all that is so precious to me.

 

Is there any cure for this? Cathy says Marty is a really good friend she wants to keep around but I always feel like it's him or me. I can't seem to look at the situation in another way than: "the guy saw all that I got and I got nothing left to myself...he can laugh at me anytime he wants..." I seem to paranoy excessively over that, but this is decreasing my university GPA, it's dramatically cutting in half my sleep time, I don't eat much anymore... and I think of hurting him and/or beating him up many times a week, even though he did nothing wrong and Cathy did nothing wrong either. I mean, I was out of her life when they did that. I just can't shake the fact he got all I got and he's still in her life laughing at me. Cathy says it's all in my head and that he's not laughing at me and that he'd like to be my friend and that "yeah, he got all of me...so what? you love me I love you right? so leave his case alone!" but this is just hurting me so much!!

 

I would really love to be able to have a serious relationship with Cathy without having to cry and be angry whenever he comes around.

I feel like either he disapears of I disapear and I feel uncomfortable loving a girl who loves me and letting it all go for a simple threesome adventure. My mind is so tricky...

 

Thanks for any help,

Jeff22

[VASH THE STAMPEDE]

I believe its all in your head,and if not oh well he HAD is the key word .

he's not having anymore and won't be.she wants to have a serious relationship that what matters.The past is the past ,is always better left there.

 

she wants to keep him around because hes a good friend??

Do you trust her enough to allow her to be close friends with him? those are personal questions you have to think about.

and if you can't trust her then don't get with her ,because trust is an important factor to a healthy relationship

[CaterpillarGirl]

He didn't get everything. He didn't make love to Cathy. Sex when you love the partner you're with is completely different than sex with someone you like or find attractive. It's better. In addition, people change, and their style of sexual intimacy changes, so if you stick with her long enough, you may indeed try something new with her that she has not experienced with anyone else.

 

I am more concerned that your life is being affected so severely by this. I think you should seek counseling. If you are still in college, most colleges offer free or relatively inexpensive counseling services

[kappadisney]

I don't know if I can help you, but I am struggling with a very similar issue. I am having lots of trouble accepting my boyfriend's past - that he had sex with others while I saved my virginity for when I was in love, for him. We've been together for 1 1/2 years so I guess I have to accept it, but I can't. I want to marry him and I know it shouldn't matter. But I feel like you - that the other people have already gotten what I have. That what meant so much to me, didn't mean that to the girls he was with before, those who got it first. My boyfriend tells me that it's much more important to be someone's last than someone's first. Maybe that will help you. He says lots of things that help a little, but I haven't found a way yet to keep these obsessive thoughts from breaking my heart. I know exactly how you feel. If you want to talk, you can im me on aol at kdprincess26 Take care.

[bicyclejunk]

People, People, People....What the H*LL?

 

 

 

Your girl experimented now, so she's ready to settle down,,,BullSh*T.

That is just freakin wrong dude. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. I aint a religious man,

I'm not a prude, I'm not really a "conservative" but Dude, Your chick has threesomes

and that's cool? You want to experiment and that's Cool? Watch out for AIDS my friend.

Ya know , i don't get how people can just have multiple partners and crazy ass sexcapades

and not worry about AIDS or STD's or crazy SH*T like that. AND, what does it do for your soul?

Nothing, it leaves you empty and wanting more, you'll never want a "real" relationship dude, because

you'll always want more and more P*ssy. Get A Life!!!

 

Dump that chick man, seriously. If you've had your feel(i doubt it) and you want a meaningful relationship,

You're never gonna be able to get that dumbass out of your mind, lemme tell ya. Clean up your act.

She had freakin threesomes for god's sake. And that's cool with you? how do you know she'll be faithful to you?

[Ryan]

I have to agree with being put off.

 

I'd never be or stay involved with a woman who engaged in threesomes....much less multiple times with someone she called a "friend." We're not talking about something that happened 20 years ago. An individual's history is a perfectly valid and useful way of determining what kind of person he/she is. There are plenty of good women who carefully distribute their sexuality. Find one.

[BlockHead]

I think she is toying with the idea of being in a monogamous relationship.

 

Move on!!!

[jenny]

before this degenerates into a misogynist (or misanthropist) judgment-fest - i think you *both* may have a lot of sexual issues to work out. just a couple of notes:

 

1. you left a relationship with a fantastic girl to explore, and then end up in a relationship with your ex-girlfriend? it's not much of 'venturing forth.'

 

2. i am less concerned about her activities than her lack of long-term relationships and that fact that she did not enjoy herself very much. this suggests her sexuality is more of a pathology than a pleasure.

 

3. she may be simply unequipped to have a long-term relationship. i would dump any guy friend who made my man that uncomfortable, i expect most reasonable women would. if you have explained your concerns to her, and she has refused, this is not a kind girl, nor a smart one. she is not willing to sacrifice a minor pleasure for a major benefit - it's bad emotional capitalism.

 

4. i think you might also be quite insecure, and i feel for you. this obsessing over the other guys being with your woman, being with a woman who has low self-esteem, dumping good people out of your life for the exciting ones, are all signs of possible low self-esteem. you may need to work on yourself before being in a relationship with *anyone.*

[Nostalghia]

Originally posted by bicyclejunk

People, People, People....What the H*LL?

 

 

 

Your girl experimented now, so she's ready to settle down,,,BullSh*T.

That is just freakin wrong dude. It's wrong, wrong, wrong. I aint a religious man,

I'm not a prude, I'm not really a "conservative" but Dude, Your chick has threesomes

and that's cool? You want to experiment and that's Cool? Watch out for AIDS my friend.

Ya know , i don't get how people can just have multiple partners and crazy ass sexcapades

and not worry about AIDS or STD's or crazy SH*T like that. AND, what does it do for your soul?

Nothing, it leaves you empty and wanting more, you'll never want a "real" relationship dude, because

you'll always want more and more P*ssy. Get A Life!!!

 

Dump that chick man, seriously. If you've had your feel(i doubt it) and you want a meaningful relationship,

You're never gonna be able to get that dumbass out of your mind, lemme tell ya. Clean up your act.

She had freakin threesomes for god's sake. And that's cool with you? how do you know she'll be faithful to you?

What's with the Iambic Pantameter? :-S

 

I agree ... she gets involved with threesomes .... fuhgetabowt it ... move on and find a virgin!

[JustDunno]

I'm sorry but some of y'all's idea's on this are very closed minded and hypocritical wouldn't you say? She had no commitment with him as he was in a serious relationship himself. So she had a couple/few threesomes. She was allowed to do what she wanted to do and didnt have to answer to anyone. For you male's out there that said you wouldn't be with a woman if she had prior threesomes. Whats's up with that? I sure the percent of men that would love a threesome with two women is very high. For the one's that have actually had the experience in the past, should the woman they meet and fall in love with, choose not to be with him because he was involved in a threesome/s ? Can't say it's different cause it's not. She shouldnt be looked down because she chose to experiment while she was free. I do believe she told to many details though which were not nesssary.

I also am a firm believer that while in a relationship close friendships between a member of the relationship and a friend of the opposite sex should not happen. There is that one that might stay as a friendship only and at no time will they ever be more then just friends, but it's so very rare. At one point there will be more and if they had sex before and it was good, thats even worse. The moment they talk about something that can not be discussed with the partner is the time it goes over the friendship line, and it will.

You cant tell her not to be friends with him but you can tell her what is going to happen with the relationship if it doesnt stop. Ive been involved in two of these and it is only trouble.

As for him seeing and being with her in the past. I thought sexually I had done everything until I realized there are a lot of things a couple can enjoy that neither of them tried with anyone else. Plus the level of intimasy is the key.

I understand where your coming from. Self esteem I believe isnt the problem here. You love a girl who makes you uncomfortable with her actions and you believe she is acting outside the "relationship boundries" by being friends with this guy. What does your self esteem have to do with you hating the fact she is doing this. What other male or female would be ok with the fact this is what their partner is doing, not very many I think.

 

This is been going on with me also and it seems I keep making excuses and settling for what I can have with her rather then none of her. This weekend I have decided, no more. Maybe you should to unless she drops this friend of hers.