Aveenolover Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Enter text here.Okay, anyway. SO we got together almsot 2 years ago after meeting on myspace. i added him and he accepted then sent me a message saying i sounded like the sweetest girl hes ever seen and i was so beautiful. i signed on aim to talk tomy cousin and he messaged me out of the blue. we talked for a pretty long time and i copied the convo and sent it to my cousin because it was sooo good. couple days later i challenged him to super smash brothers...he came over, and he said Loser takes the winner out to dinner, so i smoked him and he took me out to eat. we talked for soo long and the waitress came by and asked us what we wanted and we noticed we forgot to open our menues-_- lol. but we had everything in common. we had both gone to gulf shores, alabama with our families and we talked about that, we both had a big family. we loved videogames. just like everything we could share and we just agreed with everything, it was the best first conversation i had ever had in my whole life. it just felt like wow, i dunno i never experienced that. anyway yea we talked even more and then we started dating a few days later and it was great. ...he even lost his virginity to me. a few months later my family and he all went to gulf shores and had the best time ever and on that vacation, on the beach is when he first told me he loved me. and i could tell me meant it. later that night when we were cuddling me told me that he really could see himself marrying me and he really loved me. he had a great time with me. yada yada we felt great for awhile and then he got me into World of Warcraft (wow) and yea i got sucked into that and we broke up after a year together because i had become a slob, stopped going to family get togethers and didnt really do anything. i got out, i signed up for college, and i stopped playing wow so much. after awhile he forgave me and we got back together and we had been together ever since, we had gotten back together around august 1. Things were going pretty well. one time he told me he was feeling unsure again but we worked through it. if he got bored of me id just go home and give him some space (hes really independent and not used to having someone with him all the time). well around early decemember i went home because i had been at his house for almost a month straight and i didnt want him getting bored and i wanted to give him a lil space. the next day he called me and was like whyd u go home:( and he wanted me to come back and he told me he really missed me. so i had been staying at his house. a few times im like are u sure u dont want me to go home? and hes like no way, i reallly like having you around:) and we both knew that was awesome because before he would get bored pretty easily, but now he liked having me around a lot and really missed me when i was gone. Also, at one point i woke up and my stomach hurt really badly and he goes, "oh no, i hope ur not pregnant" and then not too long later he goes, "...but it would be kinda cool if u were..." which was awesome because he used to be so against having kids, he had even thought about getting fixed. well not too long ago my mom called and pretty much told me i had to move in with him because she didnt want me treating my house like a hotel or something. and i told him and i saw it upset him and he said yes he really enjoys having me around but he doesnt want me to move in because my MOM wants me to, he wants me to move in because we both want to and because were taking this huge step together. Also, when i started school i really wanted him to take me because i didnt know my way down town and i get lost very easily and i never took the time to find out where my classes were and it really bothered him because he felt it proved i was very dependent on him. but after that day i just had him take me like 2 days after and i drove, he just rode and i learned how to get there and where my classes were. This wasnt too long ago and a few weeks later.. not this last friday but the friday before he broke up with me. and he cried and he said that he loved me but he wasnt inlove with me. and i asked him if he was happy with me and he said most of the time he was pretty happy but he felt like he should be happier. we hadnt been fighting or getting upset with each other. He said that he felt like after being together for almost 2 years, him not knowing if he wants to marry me proves that im not the one for him. like he should KNOW right away if im the one he wants to marry, even though he used to know and he had told me. and i asked him if he felt relieved to break up with me and he said definitely not, and it had been bothering him all day and he hadnt been able to sleep (he broke up with me in the AM, and i had to go to school and i asked him that when i got home). He also said he had been thinking about it lately and the thoughts would go away for awhile and hed feel really good with me but then they would just come back again. and he just felt like the relationship was going nowhere. but the thing that i just dont understand is that no we never fought, if he ever had a problem with me hed just have to tell me and i would immediately fix it. also he felt like i was just too dependent on him and that i couldnt do stuff on my own..even though i felt like i was learning to become more independent, i was driving to school on my own now..there wasnt really any other times i needed to prove that i was independent though so i dunno. but its just weird because i felt like we were so good together, we had everything in common. like just last month he was telling me how i was the perfect girlfriend and he was so happy he found me because im everything he has ever wanted. and hes still very attracted to me. i just dont get it. i just want him back:( ive been following NC very well and i havent broken it but i get scared that hes just so stubborn hes thinking, "well, i know shes very upset about losing me but if she can hold back from talking to me i can do it too" and its almost like a race of who can hold out longer but i may just be driving myself nuts lol. also im 20, almost 21 and hes soon to be 24.
sedgwick Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 First, I'm sorry for what happened to you. I really am. But there's a lot more to being independent than driving yourself to school! You say there weren't any other situations where you needed to act independent (however you worded it) but the truth is that you need to not ACT but actually BE independent in all areas of your life! At 20 years old you should be discovering your own strength and fearlessness, finding your own path and blazing a burning trail down it, and not even THINKING of marriage! You have a lot more years of learning who you are ahead of you. FWIW, I got married at 24, and it was waaaaaaaaaayyyy too young!
Author Aveenolover Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 yea but thats the thing, i really wasnt thinking about marriage at all. i was just happy to be with him and happy to spend time with him. i told him i didnt care to get married and i knew neither of us were ready anyway, im still in college trying to figure out what i want to do and so is he. also yea i know driving to school isnt the only thing that shows me as being independent, im still learning how to be more, but i meant i countered his reason because he felt i was a child for needing him to show me the way. im still trying to become more and more everyday, its just i dont really know how to PROVE my independence. also im very bad with words lol
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