slimjim Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Need some opinions. I got thrown under the bus around Halloween by a woman who I have been dating for over a year. she has been married 4 different times ( i know, i'm an idiot!) So of course i give her room, then she tries to get back with me and with nothing else to do, i go back with her after christmas. i went back not trusting her of course, but really to just see what she was up to. this proves the point that women can fake orgasims but men can fake entire relationships!! i never trusted her for the reasons she said she was leaving, which were religious grounds, and i figured it was really someone else. so she basically left for another guy who she found out was a drunk and had more baggage than her, and then came back to me. so i get My IT guy to hack her mails, so i can know what she is doing and what she is saying to her "girlfriends". this was sorta interesting, to really know what is going on in someones mind, and then looking them straight in the eye while they lie to you. like some nights when she is really tired to talk, then sometimes writes a novel to this other guy on the same night. she was on and off on us, but i was doing a lot to her house in projects, but she still had feelings for this other guy, but for me too, etc. a few nights ago, she went to dinner with one of her email "girlfriends", and after some wine they decide to dump me eventually. i was coming inot town the next afternoon. so i confront her the next day about all this, and about this other guy, and she comes up with the standard, "we are just good friends, never cheated on you, thought you knew he was going thru a lot of troubles and we have had dinner several times...etc etc." I have never heard this guys name before in any context, other than thru her mails, and she "thought i knew..." we have a long distance relationship so this makes trust the utmost deal for me, and i have told her that many times. so when i started quoting the past 3 months of emails directly, she looked like bill clinton did when they brought out the cigar episode in his deposition, and at that moment he turned white, and completely knew that monica had told everything....she knew that i knew everything. so i just leave, and will never return. she emails and is of course indignant and says she is so hurt and violated--yes violated--by me checking on her mail after distrusting her. i dont really cares how she feels, because as usual most people crap in their own nests and then bitch about the smell. like the guy who kills his parents, then wants mercy from the judge becasue he is now an orphan... she says she is so hurt, so i guess the truth does hurt. now she writes that she doesnt want to communicate anymore because she cant trust me.......i havent said or written a word since i left, and will never do so--strict no contact. i guess i should have expected this--when you expose a liar they get indignant and then defensive, and now she is the victim!!! I think its funny the difference in reality perception, but i guess thats what her other 4 husbands thought!!!!haa what does anyone think? is this really out of line to check the mails of someone who you dont trust, especially with their past and their on again off again actions? is it any of my business, when you are dealing with someone who is messing with your heart? seems like this IS my business. this is head over heart stuff, and her last line was that i have to trust my heart over my head---seems like the heart in this case would have caused me much grief in the end. thanks in advance for the opinions.
darby1 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I think its wrong to go through someone's e-mails.. I think if any relationship is at the point where you feel you have to lower your self dignity and do things that make you a lesser person, walk away with pride. BE with no one who places you in such positions to compromise your own integrity. However, as the fact is you did stick around in the position, right or wrong, she had no respect for you, so why respect her (which is sinking to her level) and if the only way you felt you could walk away without lingering wonder is with evidence and retribution.. so be it. It is wrong to put yourself in that position.. but as humans say.. someone else put you in that position right? I am glad you found your peace you needed though. Walk away next time.
Author slimjim Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 thanks darby----agreed. i really needed to know the truth to be sure. maybe i did sink to her level, i dont know. i didnt do it for the retribution deal--i wasnt even thinking of that really and i guess it was an ancillary result--i just wanted her to at least acknowledge the truth, which she didnt of course. i did go back really for my own education, and to see how she worked this dynamic of our relationship. i think she thought she was so smart and coy. i do feel very free right now, and have no real feelings for her, probably because i have been knowing all this for several months. i did jump really well thru all the hoops she was setting up with the email friend for me to jump thru--felt like an olympic tryout!! she was on her ivory tower, everything was about her, trying to decide betwwen her suitors i guess. playing both of us, and always keeping each one on a string. i was especially proud of my 500 dollar valentine deal--a real blowout!! still wasnt good enuf. before she initially threw me under the bus, i would have moved the world for this woman, and i trusted her with my life. i would have never thought of doing this. i just cant put my heart out there on the second try for her to just use at her whim while she is on the prowl for #5 while saying she was committed to me. her actions and words just made my hair stand on end with suspicion---i think sometimes you have to really trust those feelings and vibes about someone, and this time i was proven right. the initial advice i got months ago about this relationship was correct--i should have left then. but i did enjoy this in a way, even though she did try to use me as a pack horse!!! humans are really something. thanks.
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