smile_through_tears Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 ok i want to write my ex a letter..whther im going to send it or not im not sure...or im going to TRY at least to do something cause i cant take this any longer...even if it fails at least i know i have tried... can you guys pleaseeee help me with certain things or stuff to write?? u can even write on here a letter u would like to send to ur ex with your feelings...for some reason whenever i start writing him i always put a whole bunch of bs then rip it off..... I want to write a BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN letter that would touch even the most cold/heartless person...I dont want to sound needy or clingy or annoying...just want to state i miss him and what we had...what i have been going through and that i truly care for him and want him in my life....Gosh that does sound desperate..but you know what i mean...if anyone would PLEASEE HELP ME OUT i would really appreciate it...obvioulsy i wouldnt just give him a letter someone else wrote but it would kind of give me an idea...because i go blank when i think of writing him! thanks!
Tony T Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 No, I won't help you except to give you some good advice. Writing a letter to an ex always has the opposite effect. You are much better off not communicating at all. If he has any feelings for you whatsoever, your silence will kill him. Hearing from you will only comfort him and give him new resolve to stay away from a lady who presents him with no challenge or mystery. NO LETTER FROM ME, BABES!
northstar1 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 ok i want to write my ex a letter..whther im going to send it or not im not sure...or im going to TRY at least to do something cause i cant take this any longer...even if it fails at least i know i have tried... can you guys pleaseeee help me with certain things or stuff to write?? u can even write on here a letter u would like to send to ur ex with your feelings...for some reason whenever i start writing him i always put a whole bunch of bs then rip it off..... I want to write a BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN letter that would touch even the most cold/heartless person...I dont want to sound needy or clingy or annoying...just want to state i miss him and what we had...what i have been going through and that i truly care for him and want him in my life....Gosh that does sound desperate..but you know what i mean...if anyone would PLEASEE HELP ME OUT i would really appreciate it...obvioulsy i wouldnt just give him a letter someone else wrote but it would kind of give me an idea...because i go blank when i think of writing him! thanks! I'll give you some advice, that you may or may not want to follow. Write the letter, be as emotional and honest as you want, but don't send it. Save it and read it again in a few months. See if you still have the same desire to send those words. A few weeks after my ex and I broke up (and it due to circumstances, not a loss of feelings etc), I penned a very long, emotional letter, detailing what our relationship had meant, how I thought we'd always have a special place in each others hearts, how great she was etc. I spent days drafting it. This letter could have been in the "Notebook", that's how poetic it was. I felt that the letter would somehow make things better, that she'd understand everything.........but in the end, really, I wanted it to change something and wanted a response back. I sought advice of friends and people on here. I never sent the letter, and now, months later I'm glad I didn't. Because in the end, it would have changed nothing, and I would have likely gotten a polite acknowledgement back which would have also done nothing to help me, but likely made me feel even worse for having put my feelings out there without reciprocation. In the end, the choice is yours, but I think that most of the people on this board who have sent that final "letter" to ex's have not met with a happy response, or one at all and been set back. Give it a lot of thought before doing it.
paperchase Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 ok i want to write my ex a letter..whther im going to send it or not im not sure...or im going to TRY at least to do something cause i cant take this any longer...even if it fails at least i know i have tried... can you guys pleaseeee help me with certain things or stuff to write?? u can even write on here a letter u would like to send to ur ex with your feelings...for some reason whenever i start writing him i always put a whole bunch of bs then rip it off..... I want to write a BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN letter that would touch even the most cold/heartless person...I dont want to sound needy or clingy or annoying...just want to state i miss him and what we had...what i have been going through and that i truly care for him and want him in my life....Gosh that does sound desperate..but you know what i mean...if anyone would PLEASEE HELP ME OUT i would really appreciate it...obvioulsy i wouldnt just give him a letter someone else wrote but it would kind of give me an idea...because i go blank when i think of writing him! thanks! I believe the pen is mightier than the sword. But everyone is giving you good advice about not writing. If you do write there are a few things that you should keep in mind. The first is timing. You don't want to send a letter from a position of weakness. It sounds like that's the position you are in. Such a letter will not be well received no matter how eloquently it is written. The second thing is that your letter should not ask for, or state, anything contrary to what your ex feels. It should in essence agree with him that a break up is good. It should reaffirm what he thinks. It can say that you love him and miss him, but in the end it should be agreeable. This is a very disarming technique. Your ex is waiting for you to write about all the reasons he's making a mistake and that you two belong together. Do the opposite. Going NC is really doing the opposite which is why it is probably more effective than any letter you could write. And finally keep the letter short. The tendency in a love letter is to write and write and write. We want to recap the relationship, touch on all the memories, pluck all the heart chords, express everything on our mind. This is not effective. Write a very short and succint letter with finality. End it upbeat. Something to the effect of you wish it could have lasted longer, but you appreciate the good times and wish them the best of luck in finding whatever happiness they seek. Don't use these words, but don't sound bitter. If you write a letter in this vein and send it, go NC immediately thereafter. Even if they respond to the letter, and know they very well may not, go completely dark. Good luck.
wantoheal Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I really do agree with Paperchase. If you do write a letter, it should definitely not be wordy. Straight and to the point. You probably should not write it, because bottom line, you ARE looking for a response whether you admit it to yourself or not. And even if there is a response, you are not going to be satisified with it because this letter is not going to make him fall back in love with you, decide that he was wrong about breaking up, or want to get back together. If you are writing the letter so that he will see you in a better light, well that could possibly work....IF so, you should talk about how he is right about the break up, the relationship was not working-possibly timing was the problem, you are using this time alone now for personal growth in your own life so that when love comes around again, you will be prepared to let someone love you and to give love back... You could thank him for the time you shared and tell him that you learned from your relationship and believe that what you learned will help you in future relationships. You could tell him there will always be a special place in your heart for him And you can end it with "please take care of yourself, Love, your name.
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