goldencloud Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Hi, So I'm stuck in quite the predicament! A few weeks ago I had a life revelation and decided I would never put myself out there for a guy I had just met up until the point I knew it was right. Of course and life is such when you make such decisions, suddenly all the men arrive like buses..argh Anyways I met this lovely guy one evening when out with friends(two weeks ago) we clicked instantly and spent a good 45 minutes just chatting. He's extremely articulate, kind, good career, sweet etc..anyways he asked for my number and I gave it to him and at that point he goes listen I like you and would love to take you out, i don't want this to be a 'come home with me tonight' type thing, i really want to take you to dinner, tell me which day and I'll clear my schedule(he has a really intense job) anyways we make a date for tuesday, then tuesday around 5 he calls me and tells me because he got really held up that morning and arrived super late for work, he has to stay in late for a meeting and he wishes he could postpone but could we meet any day after that. I said I was busy(honestly when i said i was done with flaky guys i meant it) and he said what about weekend, i said i have plans, will let you know..anyways he ends up calling me 10 minutes later not once, not twice but three times, and then texting to say meeting was cancelled(i later found out he postponed it because he felt if he didn't I wouldn't ever see him again). we go for dinner/drinks and the conversation was lovely, like i felt so at ease with him and he kept telling me how beautiful i was and even though he doesnt like that we met in a club it was worthwhile meeting me etc..and end of night asked to see me in weekend(saturday) FRIDAY night, i go out with my friend and her boyfriend call saying he has friends with him and since they were in the area , could we meet up? anyways we did meet, and lo and behold one of the friends was a guy my friend and her bf tried to hook me up with but i said no cos i dont do blind dates..anyways we discovered this and made jokes about how i rejected him before i met him...we end up talking for the longest time(he's my age too while bachelor number 1 is several years older)..and he says he's happy that he met me, and it was better for us to meet this way, and we kept making jokes about the blind date, and discovering how much we had in common..anyways we end up going to the friends hosue, and by now its apparent we're into eachother(gosh he's so hot as well!!!) and he asks if i would like to go to his place for a drink.. i say sure but make it clean no sex will happen..anyways we have the most INTENSE INTENSE INTENSE make out ever..i thought id combust..ive never ever ever ever felt such an urge for anyone or felt so filled with longing as I did for him and i know he flet it too..was so tempted to sleep with him but didn't cos didn't feel right to do it first night tho he was dying to..anyways i stayed over and when we woke up,it wasn't awkward, was so natural with him holding and hugging me etc..anyways before i left he said we should do something with our friends next weekend.. that night i had date with bachelor 1(i know so shameful!!!). he organised this AMAZING date, took me to wine tasting classes and then dinner, and by nature i'm inhibited when it comes to private matters but he told me i could trust him and he really wanted to hear about my life. anyways we started talking about more personal stuff with fam and so forth and he said if i found you very attractive before, i feel you intriguing now..and that when i relax i'm just the mot amazng girl..and he was like i can always count on him for interesting dates..and my gosh he was just so interested in everything EVERYTING i had to say...and kept holding my hands, and said i don't know if its too forward but if i one day decide to book tickets to a near by place(its a country i always wanted to visit) would you come? in any case, he stayed over at my palce that evening, it was lovely, made out, but not as passionate as the other guy, but he was so sweet(and i think that one night of lust wiht the other guy was still resonating...) and he kept hugging me, and next day we went for movies... ARGH i know this might be a super long post, but i like them both in different ways i guess..but my fear is the first guy is really serious about me..while i still kind of want to explore the other guy too(he said double date next weekend)..but i don't want to lose first guy cos he seems like such a gem PLEAE ADVICE
Author goldencloud Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 i knowwww its so desperate to be the first person to respond to my OWN POST but i REALLY REALLY need help..can't talk to my friends about this cos they don't understand too muhc..so yes if i have to be desperate and respond to my own post i will do it if it shows you all how MUCH i need a good objective viewpoint!! i hope(and pray) someone(other then me) responds(immediately!!)
Storyrider Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Why don't you tell the older guy that you have been dating casually and you're not sure if you're ready to be exclusive yet, as it is so early. Tell him you wanted to be honest because you really like him. I wouldn't mention that there is another specific person. Then ask him what he thinks about it and hear him out. Hopefully he will appreciate your sincerity, and knowing there is a little competition may not hurt. I think going away with him on a planned overnight would be more appropriate for an exclusive relationship though, so if you're committed to remaining non-exclusive, I wouldn't do the overnight. With the younger guy, it doesn't sound like he has any expectation of exclusivity, so telling him seems less crucial, but you could if it would make you more comfortable.
johan Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 I'll bet you're feeling like a fool. Loving both of them is breaking all the rules.
Ruby Slippers Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Why not date them both for a while and see which one you like better? You've just met them both. There's no need for exclusivity at this point.
bella23 Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Why don't you tell the older guy that you have been dating casually and you're not sure if you're ready to be exclusive yet, as it is so early. Tell him you wanted to be honest because you really like him. I wouldn't mention that there is another specific person. Then ask him what he thinks about it and hear him out. Hopefully he will appreciate your sincerity, and knowing there is a little competition may not hurt. I think going away with him on a planned overnight would be more appropriate for an exclusive relationship though, so if you're committed to remaining non-exclusive, I wouldn't do the overnight. With the younger guy, it doesn't sound like he has any expectation of exclusivity, so telling him seems less crucial, but you could if it would make you more comfortable. Like Storyrider said tell him that you are dating casually... I mean that is how you find out what you want, atleast that is how I found out if I really want a guy to be my bf or not. You can't really jump in any relationship if you are not sure about the person you are seeing.
chrislovestosurf Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 dont date two guys at the same time, that is so skanky. Also, learn how to spell and use paragraphs.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 Man - no offense, but girls suck at multi-dating. Why? Lack of testosterone, which is what makes it possible for men to compartmentalize these kinds of things. I would be DYING in your position. I full-on admit I suck at it, too! I'm not making a jab at you - just commiserating. But I really agree with Storyrider. Make it clear to both guys that you are still casually dating other people right now. I also agree that each guy knowing they have competition can't hurt.
Author goldencloud Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 You guys, Thank you so incredibly much for your advice.
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