Alan430 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Hey Im 34 years old and seperated soon to be divorced, and have been thinking alot about dating again. It really terrifies me since i was never really good at it when i was younger. I had plenty of women but it was always though hanging out or mutual friends. Now im in a city where i do not really know anyone, and i share custody of my son. It leaves me one saturday night every other weekend to do as i choose. I have been to a few clubs and bars since my seperation and i realize how wrong those places are to met the kinda of woman i want. I feel too old to be hanging out in those places also. I have always thought it kinda cheezy to approach a complete stranger and try to pick them, seems like anything you can possibly say to them comes out as a pickup line. I have tried the dating site with no luck, but to be honest i am not great at those akward first date things anyways. I hate the feeling of being sized up, makes me unconfotable. I do not think im un-attractive, but i guess no one thinks they are. As you can see my picture in the avatar. My sister says go to church to meet nice women. I havent been in such a long time i would feel like a horrible person to go to church just to met women. I am starting to feel like i maybe doomed to spend the remainder of my life alone romatically. Anyone else felt this way and could offer up some things that has worked for you?
runner Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I feel too old to be hanging out in those places also. I have always thought it kinda cheezy to approach a complete stranger and try to pick them, seems like anything you can possibly say to them comes out as a pickup line. this might be your problem right here. first of all, 34 isn't old; lots of people your age go out and socialise, too. you just need to find out where those spots are. secondly, absolutly nothing wrong with approaching women. if anything, go around these boards and you'll find tonnes of complaints from women about how guys never approach them if you don't come off as a creep or a douche, then you won't be labelled as such; and if it helps, go make a new friend with a guy who's good at approaching women and observe him. this is probably all easier said than done to you, given your situation. but once you ditch the 'doomed' mentality and keep at it, it'll get better.
blondesmiler Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 find some singles parties to go too, I have just started much nicer place to meet and chat to people, even if just for the social aspect to begin with. Also a class of somesort, dancing like salsa or spinning class etc
sumdude Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Too old? Hardly.. I'm just back into dating at 41, divorced a year and a half. Where I live the pubs and clubs are full of singles in their 30's so don't sweat it. Find the places where you feel comfortable. New interests and hobbies where like minded people will end up hanging out. Instead of going out 'to meet women' go out to have a good time and meet people in general. Make some friends of all types, create a new social circle of your own. As your circle expands friends of friends come into the picture and one day someone will just pop up. It's funny really, most of my new friends are women. Get happy about yourself as a single person first. Relax, take the pressure off yourself to 'meet the one or just someone' and have some fun. Takes a couple years after the ink is dry on the D papers to get your head and feet back in a good place. the reality is that you are in a good position in life though you may not believe it right now. A 34 year old single man has a lot of options. I feel too old to be hanging out in those places also. I have always thought it kinda cheezy to approach a complete stranger and try to pick them, seems like anything you can possibly say to them comes out as a pickup line. It's not 'cheezy' to start up conversations with strangers provided your expectation is just to have a conversation to get to know someone. How else do people become friends or more without having that initial conversation?
chrislovestosurf Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 You'll be fine, why dont you give online dating a try? I should do the same, im 31 and single. Sucks even more is that I dont currently have a job either, laid off like many others in corporate america. You may just enjoy the single scene once you get going. It can really have its good points.
SoulSearch_CO Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 If you're in bars where you don't see many people your age, you're in the wrong type of bar. Different crowds can be seen at different bars. If not there to pick up a date, at least you can get more social, meet more people, and possibly be "hooked up" through a friend. I would go out there with the mentality of just having fun, meeting people and making friends. That way you don't feel like a creeper.
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