blondesmiler Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Ok so some of this relates to me but mostly just some general questions, a bit of venting and just a bit of a laugh at the dating scene......(this is not man bashing I am fully aware that men have issues with the dating scene too, but I only know what I know, being a girl n all!!) So guys say they do not like women playing hard to get, yet if a women is handed to a guy on a plate, they might take what they want and then run for the hills never too be heard from again and might as well be dead. So whats a girl to do? Again from above you say about girls not being hard to get, however if you get a women calling you all the time and lets you know she is avaliable too see you, then you get bored, don't want her anymore because she isn't playing hard to get, oh yes and disappear of the face of the earth. Guys say they want a girl thats honest, then if girl says I'd like to see more of you and one day I want to have babies and get married, well then you are left in a trail of dust while he acts like Roadrunner trying to get away from Wile Coyote. Guys say the want a women who isn't too emotional, then you moan and call women iron unemotional bitches because you cannot break them into emotional girls again! So no win situation. You say you do not want to be taken for a meal ticket, so we offer too pay our share, you say no, and somehow we still get the label of "she was only after a free meal"!!! You go after a girl, you fancy the pants off her, you get her number, then you don't use it......WTF is up with that!! Or perhaps you just want to get to know her, so she gives you her number because you asked, and then you do not use it? You say your geniune guy, you'd like to find someone thats fun, independent so you find her, you go out on date one have a nice time so you tell her, you ask her out on date two you have a nice time and say lets go out again, oh yes then you disappear and again might as well be dead! So your clearly not genuine at all and just like most other guys on the dating scene, just not ready so f**k off making it so difficult and clouding the pond of people who actually are genuine. You want sex, why don't you realise that if (in most cases) if you get to date three or four, you've treated her nicely and with respect, then you will get it, not only that you probably will get it most nights you see that person after that......so thus you will not end up on a drought.....{actually this one I really do not understand why guys do not stick around even after first time sex with date, you can get it regulary but you choose not too, oh yeah then moan about it}. Most guys moan about wanting to be free & single, but then why do most guys go straight out looking for another women more or less straight after finishing with someone? And thus making life for those of us who would like to find someone genuine, impossible. If you just want sex, only sex, get yourself on the sex websites and stay of the F**king dating ones, leave those for us that actually want to DATE! So if you want us to take you for what you are, then WTF can you lot not take us for what we are! Then perhaps dating would get back to being a pleasure (like in earlier years) rather than a bore.
clv0116 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 First different people want different things. Moving along .... So guys say they do not like women playing hard to get, yet if a women is handed to a guy on a plate, they might take what they want and then run for the hills never too be heard from again and might as well be dead. So whats a girl to do? Some guys will head for the hills when they 'get what they want', being hard to get only delays the inevitable. Again from above you say about girls not being hard to get, however if you get a women calling you all the time and lets you know she is avaliable too see you, then you get bored, don't want her anymore because she isn't playing hard to get, oh yes and disappear of the face of the earth. This is clingy. Don't be clingy, it looks bad on either gender. Guys say they want a girl thats honest, then if girl says I'd like to see more of you and one day I want to have babies and get married, well then you are left in a trail of dust while he acts like Roadrunner trying to get away from Wile Coyote. I want those things, if a girl says that I find it a plus. Depends on the guy and where he is in his life. I really think women are generally ahead of guys in 'stage of life' terms. One good reason for men to date slightly younger. You say you do not want to be taken for a meal ticket, so we offer too pay our share, you say no, and somehow we still get the label of "she was only after a free meal"!!! Depends on the guy. Also just like some women yell rape after the fact if things don't go her way, men will color the date depending on the outcome. If you decline a second date on perfectly legitimate reasons he has to salve his ego somehow. You go after a girl, you fancy the pants off her, you get her number, then you don't use it......WTF is up with that!! Or perhaps you just want to get to know her, so she gives you her number because you asked, and then you do not use it? Lots of reasons for this. You say your geniune guy, you'd like to find someone thats fun, independent so you find her, you go out on date one have a nice time so you tell her, you ask her out on date two you have a nice time and say lets go out again, oh yes then you disappear and again might as well be dead! So your clearly not genuine at all and just like most other guys on the dating scene, just not ready so f**k off making it so difficult and clouding the pond of people who actually are genuine. Well dating can be tricky. No real answer for this one. You want sex, why don't you realise that if (in most cases) if you get to date three or four, you've treated her nicely and with respect, then you will get it, not only that you probably will get it most nights you see that person after that......so thus you will not end up on a drought.....{actually this one I really do not understand why guys do not stick around even after first time sex with date, you can get it regulary but you choose not too, oh yeah then moan about it}. I don't get it either, but a lot of guys do fall into the 'premature exclusivity' trap as well. It's my opinion two people cannot possibly know each other that well in 3-4 dates. Most guys moan about wanting to be free & single, but then why do most guys go straight out looking for another women more or less straight after finishing with someone? And thus making life for those of us who would like to find someone genuine, impossible. Depends on stage of life. If you just want sex, only sex, get yourself on the sex websites and stay of the F**king dating ones, leave those for us that actually want to DATE! Deep down most people desire a pair bond but the social and legal implications for men are potentially very draconian.
kdark Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 All I have to say is that women play just as many games as men do. I meet a girl, have great conversation with her, exchange numbers with her, call her and leave a non threatening, open ended message on her voice mail asking her to hang sometime to get coffee or go out, and I never hear back. This happens all the time. But that's dating. You just get back up, dust yourself off, and throw yourself right back in the fire.
Meaplus3 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 You know what? I felt sort of the same way as you when I re-entered the dating scene.. infact it scared me. But, there are great guys out there that do not wish to play games and would rather have a nice solid relationship. It may not seem that way to you at the moment, but don't lose hope. You'll find the right guy for you. Best wishes. Mea:)
Author blondesmiler Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 You know what? I felt sort of the same way as you when I re-entered the dating scene.. infact it scared me. But, there are great guys out there that do not wish to play games and would rather have a nice solid relationship. It may not seem that way to you at the moment, but don't lose hope. You'll find the right guy for you. Best wishes. Mea:) 18months is long enough! Dating scene is very tiring now.
Author blondesmiler Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 All I have to say is that women play just as many games as men do. . I alluded to this at the very beginning, I know it can be bad for both sides. But that's dating. You just get back up, dust yourself off, and throw yourself right back in the fire. True but sometimes you just can't take much more burning!
moman Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 This is a very good rant and a lot of truth. It all boils down to two people being attracted to each other and on the same 'base' as the other at the same time. I've done most of the things you've written about, and it all comes back to not progressing at the same pace as the other person, or wanting something different.
kdark Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 My trick is to always remember that I am an extremely good looking, fun loving, down to earth, confident, and genuine guy, and that any girl that starts to get to know me is going to have the time of her life. Sounds a bit conceited, but it keeps me going.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Every time I've gotten involved with a girl it was with the intention of taking it as far as possible. Monogamy, marriage and family are all on the table (even in my early twenties). As soon as a girl knew all that was possible most ran away. The ones that did stick around to know more felt I was moving too slow. It's very rare, just my opinion, to meet someone that is willing to enjoy just getting to know the other person. Or maybe it's that they know that all is available that makes it less appealing. It's not like they had to conquer some barrier that I have.
yeex Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 If the attraction level is mutual and each person has their own lives and it is being taken slow and no big expectations of the outcome, then it usually works if it is meant to be. However this is usually easier said than done. If this delicate balance does not exist, then either the man or woman is going to start pulling the kind of things you are complaining about. Oh yeah and sometimes somebody else comes into the scene that they like better.
Hi.P.O'Crit Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I never saw it as having an expectation of an outcome. With progress there is the hope for more. I've been told several times that I should withhold that I am open to more than just dating. I'd rather be truthful of what I want than leave it to a guessing game.
yeex Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Yeah but it is common for one person to reveal too much too soon and it scares off the other person, whereas it may have worked out if they took it more slowly and eventually let the truth be known. In fact read my recent post i started. I fell into a similar trap.
Author blondesmiler Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 I never saw it as having an expectation of an outcome. With progress there is the hope for more. I've been told several times that I should withhold that I am open to more than just dating. I'd rather be truthful of what I want than leave it to a guessing game. Who knows, I always thought honesty was the best thing but sometimes it appears not to be. Yeah but it is common for one person to reveal too much too soon and it scares off the other person, whereas it may have worked out if they took it more slowly and eventually let the truth be known. In fact read my recent post i started. I fell into this same trap. But then it could be possible that you want totally different things but both then have feelings for one another by then! If the attraction level is mutual and each person has their own lives and it is being taken slow and no big expectations of the outcome, then it usually works if it is meant to be. However this is usually easier said than done. If this delicate balance does not exist, then either the man or woman is going to start pulling the kind of things you are complaining about. Oh yeah and sometimes somebody else comes into the scene that they like better. Very delicate.....so many variables have to all fall into place with both parties at the right time.....its surprising anyone ever gets together at all!
yeex Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Very delicate.....so many variables have to all fall into place with both parties at the right time.....its surprising anyone ever gets together at all! Yeah, but when you find somebody you totally click with, it makes it not as hard. But you still got to be careful.
Sam Spade Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I'm a guy and disagree with most of your assessments. The key variable is the extent of maturity - whether you talk about a man or a woman. For example, if a girl is always available to meet me, sure I *might* have the stupid knee-jerk reaction to under-appreciate her for that, but I'm mature enought to immediately snap myself out of it and be thankful that she's being so staightforward instead. So regardless if you're talking about men or women, it boils down to what extent they have a head of their own on their shoulders.
Author blondesmiler Posted March 2, 2009 Author Posted March 2, 2009 I'm a guy and disagree with most of your assessments. The key variable is the extent of maturity - whether you talk about a man or a woman. For example, if a girl is always available to meet me, sure I *might* have the stupid knee-jerk reaction to under-appreciate her for that, but I'm mature enought to immediately snap myself out of it and be thankful that she's being so staightforward instead. So regardless if you're talking about men or women, it boils down to what extent they have a head of their own on their shoulders. How can you disagree when I have experienced the above mentioned? I am sure its not just me, and I know for every horror story there is a nice story of romance and love. But you cannot disagree with things that have actually happened. I did say I can only speak from a womens prospective and that I know men have issues with the dating scene as well! Your example, well you must be one of few but its nice to know the odd one still exists
fishtaco Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 It it makes you feel any better, it's a nightmare for men too. Whatever you're experiencing, it's the same for men. Oh and it's more like 20 horror stories to 1 good story.
Author blondesmiler Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 It it makes you feel any better, it's a nightmare for men too. Whatever you're experiencing, it's the same for men.. Not really .Oh and it's more like 20 horror stories to 1 good story. Agree, that is not happy reading really!
rlindzie Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 ok blondsmiley i think you are 100% on the money! i have the exact same problems with dates! why the f*** do they even talk to us in the first place! honestly idk wut to do anymore, i meet a guy he turns out to be great we talk all night for a week then whammy!!!! he is gone!!!! why?!?! im really fed up with thier **** and i though going on a DATING website would help but.... drum roll.... IT IS EXACLY THE SAME! i am good at getting the date but i have no clue how to get a boyfriend so guys dont bs us with " im diffrent.." "you can trust me..." all that **** can go. bc if you are a real nice guy you dont have to say it. like i dont go around saying " im not a biggot" people who do are clearly what they are advertising they are not. Good luck to you girl! Lord knows we need it
kdark Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 At least they didn't wait a couple more weeks, sleep with you, and THEN ditch you. It could have been a lot worse. I don't really see what the big deal is. They obviously didn't like what they were getting into with you, and then disappeared. I've done this many times, girls have done this to me many times, and i learned to get used to it. It's only been a week, they don't owe you anything... Like i said before, you just keep on trying for the next one...
Author blondesmiler Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Like i said before, you just keep on trying for the next one... This gets very tiring and boring after so many dates gone wrong. I agree with there is a reason why but I think the majority where just not in the right place to get into something new, got scared and disappear. We shouldn't have to put up with this time and time again. It shouldn't be such a nightmare, but it certainly can be. I am going to try a new response to an age old chat up line i get all the time, "hey how come your single or it cannot be possible you are single" ~ response: ~ well yes it f**king can be, and am, men are mental I bet your no different either and you'll probably say you are different & genuine but then disappear after date one possibly two because you have only been single for a few weeks and just when you meet someone you think you could grow to like, you'll bugger off because you''ll be scared (and its too soon for you).
kdark Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Hating on men isn't the answer. You girls are just as much of a problem as we are. It may make you feel good now, but it will only make you more bitter.
BCCA Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 I can remember going to a good friend of mine with kind of the same problem. I would meet girls, we would hit it off, have good conversation, exchange numbers, and I would be so excited to give them a call and... they would never answer or call me back. This has litterally happened to me 10 times in the last 6 months. Doesnt make sense, but what can you do. My friends advice? 'Thats dating' which is annoying, but true. Thats just the way it goes. It might be good to just take a break for a while. Aside from it being annoying, it will actually erode your self esteem to go through so many of these bad guys in a row. I usually try until I start feeling like crap or wondering whats wrong with me, and then I'll make an effort to not even bother for a few weeks or whatever. You girls are just as much of a problem as we are True, neither sex is without blame. And everything us men think women do, women think the same about us. Its just people, and there are a lot of selfish or flat out undatable ones out there.
Author blondesmiler Posted March 5, 2009 Author Posted March 5, 2009 Hating on men isn't the answer. You girls are just as much of a problem as we are. I know hence why if you see my original post I did make comment, being a girl I only know my experiences, that of dating men!
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