MizzReboundee Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 She dumped me twice now to go back to her ex, who lives next door to her and who likes to spend money on her. We had great sex, which she didn't have with the ex. She claimed that she "tried" with me? What is going on? I mean I know she isn't over her ex, and that it is comfortable for her, but she had a lot of good reasons (being ignored, being taken advantage of, not being listened to) that she left the ex. The ex claimed to have changed. Should I have hope? Was I just used? This is someone who was my friend long before all this. We are not young... in our 40s.
cybersister Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 What are you hoping for ? She knows where you are if she wants great sex; she knows where he is for financial security. Sounds to me like she has it made .
Author MizzReboundee Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 She told me she just wants to be friends. I pushed her if this was forever and she said "yes". We are NC right now, but still have stuff to give back to each other. What I want is her back free and clear of the ex. She came on to me very strong at first and I let myself fall in love. During this the ex stalked her. This was easy being next door. Why would she go back to that. It's not like I'm poor, just more frugal, and I was taking it slow, so I didn't go out and buy expensive things. .
Author MizzReboundee Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 And now how can I be friends with her? I know I just need to move on, but I really fell hard for her.
colosseum Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I'm new and younger than thee, so take my words with a grain of salt. But this is what I think: 1. Cybersister is right--sounds like she has it made. 2. Words are words; at this point sounds like she'll say whatever it takes to stay in her comfy place. 3. My advice? Leave her for good. It sucks I know and it's hard, but you're better than that, and you deserve better than that. She's playing with you and her ex to get what she wants. There are plenty of women out there in the world; give them a chance to get to know how great a guy you are. 4. If you really want her back, try this: leave her mentally/physically for at least a week, if not several. Make her wonder about where you are, what you're up to, how you're doing; make her miss you. You must know as well as anyone (because you've been on this earth longer than I have) that none of us really knows the value in things until they're gone: loved ones, the ability to walk, selling t-shirts, whatever! So make her realize what you meant to her; make her "lose" you for at least a week. It won't be easy for you, but she will, I think, be crawling back to you missing you a lot. (especially if she wants some good rolling-in-the-hay time) Best of luck to you though.
Author MizzReboundee Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 Thanks Coliseum and Cybersister. When she broke up with me the second time, of course she said those empty words, "I'm sorry". I said "Sorry is not good enough!" Because it suddenly dawned on me (man I can be so blind) that she had been using me all this time. So I'm not sure that she will ever contact me again, because she doesn't want to hurt me again. I mean, I think she cares about me some, since we were friends. If she does contact me, what should I do? By the way, I'd like to mention that we are both women, and so is the ex.
messed-mind Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Don't reply. Ever. If you have to reply, make it something like "please don't ever contact me again". That will pave the way to your much deserved recovery; if you let them in or stay in touch, you're ruined it and you'll need to start all over again.
Recommended Posts