Ready to make further progress in my life but not feeling too good about things

[Ross PK]

Well, this post is mainly to get things off my chest and to talk to someone about things.

 

I've been on a particular kind of medication for about 2 weeks now, not sure if it's helping with my social anxiety and depression.

 

For one, I don't really feel anxious or uncomfortable with certain upcoming events anymore. But when I went to get my hair cut yesterday, unusually I felt very anxious while I was in the barbers, and I also completely didn't feel good about myself either, I felt like some sort of an easy target.

 

This might be because it was a different barbers from what I usually go to, but I doubt that's the reason. I also continued to not feel good about myself, unconfident, and like an easy target while I was out and about at the shops which is very unusual too.

 

I then went for a check up at the optitians, and for some reason after leaving there I felt pretty much normal again.

 

I'm not really feeling that good or positive about things either, which is what is making me think that maybe these meds aren't really helping my depression.

 

I can't really change the medication because the doctor seems to be totally against me changing my medication a lot, as was the last one.

 

Hopefully the medication that I'm on will get better since I've only been on it for about 2 weeks.

 

So, I guess it's time to make an appointment with my ex driving instructor for some lessons to get me used to driving again.

 

Now I'm at this stage I'm aware of how close I am to be able to get a job and maybe move somewhere else (I absolutley hate where I am) or back to where I'm originally from, I've been getting really nostalgic about things, but now it's feeling as though maybe moving down there would be a mistake, I've started to feel all negative about it (for particular reasons) after looking at it on Microsoft Earth and really imagining being there again.

 

I know I should be concentrating on getting used to driving again and driving on my own and that I'm probably jumping ahead, but I couldn't help it. Getting away from where I live is something that I've dreamed about for years, and now it's really feeling like a reality that I'm now close too.

 

So yeah, kinda not feeling too good.

[knaveman]

I don't know a lot about meds and all that, but the antidepressants I have been on in the past always needed at least a month to take full effect. I would just listen to your doctor and give it some time. And try to be more positive, that helps loads most times.

[wuggle]

For one, I don't really feel anxious or uncomfortable with certain upcoming events anymore

 

unusually I felt very anxious while I was in the barbers, and I also completely didn't feel good about myself either, I felt like some sort of an easy target.

 

and like an easy target while I was out and about at the shops which is very unusual too..

 

Ross, as you know from past I dont know much about depression or meds but these statements make me think that it could be your new meds that are causing these changes, which seem sort of good and bad at the same time.

 

Dont worry too much about feeling like a target at the barbers though, think about it, sat in a high chair, covered with a constraining apron, in front of a large window with the general public looking though, and having a wierd man walking round waving a pair of scissors at your head - scares the b'jesus out of me :)

 

Hopefully the medication that I'm on will get better since I've only been on it for about 2 weeks..

 

Re the medication, do know from other stuff that lots of meds do have a building effect and you do have to trust your doctor and give them time, but I also think it important to make your doctor aware of your feelings. Sometimes they try you on medication to see if it will work, they don't know everything and dont always get it right, just usually. But important you let them know of the effects as honestly as you can so they are best informed. Stick with it for now.

 

 

So, I guess it's time to make an appointment with my ex driving instructor for some lessons to get me used to driving again.

 

As you know I am really keen to see you driving on your own and think it will be wonderful for you, but only when ready. You need to push yourself to do this but if your meds are messing you about even I think it might be worth waiting for another week or so to see how they bed in.

 

If you can't drive yet, how about going for a walk. I don't mean that to sound crass, Walking, especially if you have a park or something nearby can be brilliant for clearing your mind and helping you focus. I know you are anxious about the area you live in etc and this might just be a good intermediate step before the driving. Why not go for a hour long walk each day and try to get to know the area you are currently living in a bit better (ideal if you can find a duck pond etc , I love stopping halfway through a walk and chucking bread for ducks to eat).

 

I've been getting really nostalgic about things,

 

Nothing wrong with nostalgia just as long as its not blinding you from the stuff you have now. Maybe there are some nice areas nearby you just haven't found them yet ?

 

I've started to feel all negative about it (for particular reasons) after looking at it on Microsoft Earth and really imagining being there again.

 

Do you know what the reasons are ?

 

So yeah, kinda not feeling too good.

 

Try to be positive, give the meds a bit longer and go for some walks.

 

Take care.

[Ross PK]

Hi, Wuggle.

 

The thing about the meds that I'm on is, is that I was on them a long time ago, and after about 6 weeks or a couple of months, they seemed to make me a bit more anxious and depressed. So I'm thinking it's probably going to be the same this time too.

 

The reason why I went back onto them is because the last med I was on made me gain too much weight, and the one I'm on now did seem to work at first within days when I was on them the first time around. Thing is is that it hasn't really seemed to have happened this time around, and I haven't really lost any weight either.

 

All the other meds I tried were either the same, that they worked at first for a few weeks but then stopped working or made me feel worse, or they did work but I had really bad side effects.

 

I don't know why the doctor wont let me try any other medications, I've only tried 6 or 7.

 

I forgot to say, my doctor told me to not see him again for another 6 months.

 

Do you know what the reasons are ?

 

There was a time in my area when things were good, when I was much younger.

 

But after many years, it was as though things changed, it didn't really feel the same place anymore. And, I had several people wanting to beat me up, and I was even getting bullied by someone too.

 

When I look at the place now and imagine being back there, it doesn't feel like how it was at first, it feels more like how it was later.

 

There's also the fact that I seemed to be really unlucky in general when I was living there, especially socially. And it feels like things will go like that again if I move there.

 

There's also the fact that in general, a lot of people didn't really seem that nice to me.

 

When I move, I'm just going to move somewhere else that just 'feels right'.

[Ross PK]

The good thing about these meds though, is that they've completely lowered my sex drive, to the point where most of the time it's like it's non existant.

 

For some reason they've also made me not really have any desire to have a girlfirend or relationship either.

 

The reason why this is great is because I've never been able to get a woman. So when I did have a sex drive and had the desire to have a woman, it just made me feel miserable.

[wuggle]

I'm strugling a bit to know what to say re your meds. I really don't have any experience at all so don't know what's best to say. Generally I would stick with most people and say trust your doctor, but 6 monthly reviews seem a bit tough though, Maybe some other poster has some experience that they could share ?

 

The only advice I can offer here is that you should try to do other stuff to make you feel better, don't rely totally on the meds, especially if they are sometimes getting you down (I realise that is easy for me to say but I do mean it in the right way).

 

Re comparing where you live now to where you used to, I think our impressions of places are often dictated by our own frame of reference, if you felt good in an area then it is nice, if you don't feel good it isn't. Maybe when you feel better about yourself the area you are in might seem better as well ? who knows ?

 

Is one of the reasons you are struggling now because you have been bullied ? if so I suspect a vicious circle could be starting where you get anxious, stay indoors and feel bad and hate the area because you feel that if you go out people will be looking at you , talking about you etc ??

 

You know what, sod them

 

When I was young (up to about 10\11), there was a house on our street and all the kids 'knew' that the guy that lived there (lived with his brother I think) was a 'weirdo', and even our parents told us to stay away from the house. This guy never went out and the whole street just sort of ignored him\his house. I'm sure he felt that people were talking about him behind his back (we were) and I think looking back that kind of made him stay in more. Whenever a football was kicked into his garden we were all terrified to get it back. Occasionally you could see the curtain move and we cr*pped ourselves are ran.

 

But you know what, one day after years of staying in the guy came out and went for a walk. Everyone was like 'is that him' ' looks ok' ' thought you said he was a weirdo' etc. The next day he did the same , etc etc and after a few weeks he was like letting on to people whilst walking down the street, actually talked to the kids and let them into his garden etc.

 

Only when I grew up and moved away we found out that the guy had had a crap time as a young adult, think his dad used to beat him, lost a brother, was on medication for depression etc.

 

I'm telling that not to be condescending or even that it's vaguely like your life, but just to highlight the bullying\social exclusion thing. If you think that people are talking about you where you live now, and giving you funny looks or bullying comments etc you might be right. People really can be stupid when they are scared of something, and there is nothing like not understanding someone to make them scared.

 

If you get out of the house, let them see you're cool, just go for a walk every day. If you meet people, just smile and say 'Hi', eventually people will just sort of accept you.

 

I know whenever I go walking it really clears my head. Just sort of makes you feel more 'connected' to things, people and places.

 

There 'MUST' be some ducks near by