justpassingthrough Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Here's the short version: Married six months, adore each other, healthy sex life in that there's frequency. The problem? It's the same old thing every single time. No variation. He hops on, stays on until we both get off, then gets off. Never any variety. So do I just come out and say, "Honey, this isn't working for me, let's do something different," or what? Any ideas?
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Sure, talk about it, outside the bedroom. If my wife and I could've had a meaningful talk about sex outside the bedroom, I'd have come all over myself
cybersister Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 It takes two to keep doing the same thing.What can you change ?
wuggle Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Yep definitly talk about it, but us men are sometimes a bit rubbish so you might have to lead the conversation. sort of "can we try...xxxx" or "it would be realy good if xxxxx" - fill in the blanks with whatever you think will work for you. don't know many men that would have a problem if presented like that, we generally just don't like the judgemental stuff like "your doing it wrong" or "your not getting it" - fragile egos.
wuggle Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Or, "Is it in yet?" :D (never, fingers crossed!) :D
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Only in the carhill household Good thing I don't have a fragile ego (or a small penis)
OpenBook Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Well, I mean, that's a double-edged sword. Either he's too small, or she's too big. A woman would be shooting herself in the foot to be saying that. Especially in bed.
OpenBook Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 So do I just come out and say, "Honey, this isn't working for me, let's do something different," or what? Any ideas? I think that's an excellent approach. And if you're going to say that, be ready with some suggestions. And ask him if there's anything he'd like you to do. Also, if you don't object to porn, watch it together. You can get some great ideas from that.
clv0116 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Initiate something different. Blow him in the shower some Saturday morning or something.
OTgirl Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Here's the short version: Married six months, adore each other, healthy sex life in that there's frequency. The problem? It's the same old thing every single time. No variation. He hops on, stays on until we both get off, then gets off. Never any variety. So do I just come out and say, "Honey, this isn't working for me, let's do something different," or what? Any ideas? Glad I'm not the only one with this problem! Except it's been going on like this for several years. I recently figured out that he'd never know how I felt if I didn't explain myself. So I kind of broke the news to him gently. I think he kind of understands. However, I have to take the initiative to do something different and he follows. It's kind of exciting for men if you tell them what to do in a sexy way. So start with something positive . . . "I love it when you ______." I was thinking we could also do ______ and ________. Or forget telling him all together and just act. He'll get the idea!
Author justpassingthrough Posted March 14, 2009 Author Posted March 14, 2009 It takes two to keep doing the same thing.What can you change ? ^^^^^^ Thanks to everyone for the suggestions, but this is the one that really made me think and ... drumroll, please ... I, uh, asked myself this question and man-o-man it made all the difference! Yeeeha!
OregonTraveller Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Someday I hope to bring this up. Last 2 times I tried talking about S-E-X were shot down in flames. I used to be lucky we had some very erotic times together....but last time I brought them up it was almost like she regretted it (making out in a theater...going to an adult book store...etc). Typically things with cusing or sex (movies, plays) I think do more lately to turn her off...then on.
CaliforniaGirl Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 I personally would just do it, rather than talking about it. For instance, say one night he's in the "big comfy chair" in the living room or what-have-you, watching the tube. Just...climb on. I mean why not? You don't have to start right off swinging from the chandeliers or anything...and you don't have to have a Dr. Ruth-style discussion... You can just introduce something yourself and it can start off pretty low-key. Good luck!
AnthonyF Posted March 17, 2009 Posted March 17, 2009 Here's the short version: Married six months, adore each other, healthy sex life in that there's frequency. The problem? It's the same old thing every single time. No variation. He hops on, stays on until we both get off, then gets off. Never any variety. So do I just come out and say, "Honey, this isn't working for me, let's do something different," or what? Any ideas? As a man, I'll give the simple answer..... Your fault for not saying or doing anything. You wrote that you both "get off"...... That is what most men want to know, that you have orgasmed and thus he has done it right!!! As long as we are getting you to climax, we are creatures of habit and too f@@@ing scared to screw up..... We know we are going to reach the finish line in most cases with no problem, so I expect he knows no better and is happy that it works.... Trust me, he'll be thrilled if you want to change things up.
Recommended Posts