lostwife Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 My husband is in Iraq, I just got back from Iraq. We got pregnant and married in a rush cuz he had to leave again. Now I am at my parents house 6 months into this pregnancy and it is where I want to stay. My husband wants me to drive 800 miles to his parents house and have the baby with his family. I just don't feel comfortable, or happy with doing that. we had previously talked about it and I said I would. But now, when it's time to move, i really really don't want to. I know he is in a very stressful situation, i have been there, it sucks. People get really emotional and make bad decisions. But he is now saying he doesn't think our relationship will last if i don't go to his parents house. He has always been kind of selfish, and I knew that when I married him, I just thought he would change as he grew. I don't want my marrage to end before it started, but I am tired of pleasing him and getting nothing in return. He always gets what he wants, from everyone... his mom, dad, brothers, everyone... Do I go to his parents house and make him happy, then when he gets back we can really try to make a go of the marrage or do I stay with my parents and let him end it. Some constructive advice would be appreciated...
crostover99 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 This is a very difficult situation for you, one hand you are in a state where the more comfortable you are the more comfortable that baby will be. The higher your stress level is the more effects the baby may see during labor, not that it will but possibility does go up. Second you are in a very young marriage and due to your situation have not gotten to fully spend time with the developement of it. As far as the selfishness is concerned I acted very similar to your husband in my marriage, and never changed my attitude untill it was to late, I just ask that you confront him before you lose all hope, he deserves to know that you do not like his actions....vent the emotions don't harbor them he, can't read your mind.
wuggle Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I think that the 'attention' should be on you and what you need if you are 6 months pregnant not him, and if he is a selfish person he somehow needs to be made to see that. If he can't be a bit more giving now , how is he going to be when you actually have the baby ? presumeably you guys will be moving in to your own place at some stage so the problem is only temporary. Gut feeling would be stick to your guns, If he does get a bit arsy chances are he will come around when the baby is nearer. and after the baby is born his parents will probably start giving him grief if they dont get to see it. Works the other way as well, if you guys do get your own place you might want to try to both give a bit and get it half way between the 2 familys. good luck.
OpenBook Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 First of all, congratulations on your impending bundle of joy!! :bunny: The most important thing here is the baby. And you're the one carrying the baby. I think you should do whatever feels right for you, as a Mom. I don't understand why it's so important to him where you have the baby. If he was here in the States, that would be one thing. But he's in Iraq. When he comes home, you guys will start building your own life together, apart from your parents - right? It is unfair of him to try to manipulate you like that... threatening to end your marriage if you don't do what he wants. But like you said, it may be from all the stress he's under right now. I would calmly and lovingly put my foot down with him. I think it would be a dangerous precedent to your marriage to give in to his manipulative threats. Show him in no uncertain terms that you don't do threats... while making it clear that he's your H and you love him. Not an easy thing to do, I know!! But I'm glad both sets of your parents want to welcome you and the baby with open arms. Most people aren't so lucky to have that much family support available.
anne1707 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I think it is totally understandable that you want to be near your parents at this time whilst your H is still in Iraq. How about making some clear plans for how his parents can visit and stay with you (or near you if that is not practical) when the baby is due/born? Plus make plans to visit them after you have the baby so that they can have the opportunity to make the most of their new grandchild. The focus does need to be on you getting through these next few months. It is a vulnerable time for you. However make it clear to your H that once he comes back to the US, you can both decide together where you live.
whichwayisup Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I don't understand why he is putting so much pressure on you to live with his parents? Where you live and where you have the baby shouldn't affect your future marriage with him, seeing as right now he's in Iraq. He should be more focussed on what's best and easier for you - And that is being with your folks, not his. Once he comes home, then decide together where you two will live, but until then he needs to loosen up and have faith, trust in you and the marriage. Take care and congrats on the pregnancy!
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