mallsballs Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 We've all had them, some of us marry them. Anyway, hi all. This is my first post here and probably won't be a short one. To say that 2007 was a big year for me would be an understatement. It was the year I finished high school, and the year I found love for the first time. Charlotte was her name. She was a regular church-girl with long hair (way past shoulder-length) and a radiant smile. I honestly believed that she was the prettiest girl in school, and the few people privileged enough to know her (she was quite shy) tended to agree. But, you know, a lot of things end for people when high school does. When the school year ended I told her that we ought to go our separate ways ("take a break" was the term I used). We shared some good times for July to November of '07. But we had different priorities. Of course sex was one of mine, and not so much for her. She had this aversion to touching people that extended to her lady friends (although in hindsight, this did improve over the course of our relationship). We parted ways both as virgins. She's seeing someone else now, and that mightn't end soon. And naturally there are some girls I have my eye on. So what do y'all think? My gut feeling tells she's "the one" (an idea I never believed in before meeting her) and that we'll get back together one day. It's just that it could be years from now, and I feel the need to keep busy in the meantime.
Green Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I never had a HS sweet heart. So are you still a virgin? Is she still a virgin? If you like her just ask her out and try to enjoy the time you spend with her and not worry about if she is the one or not you'll know
Author mallsballs Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 I'm still a virgin, yeah. The more obsessive part of me says I'm saving myself for her. If someone else came along I'd be prepared to give it up, but it would have to be someone pretty special. I'm one of those few blokes who actually sees some value in being a virgin. Is she still one? Knowing her inhibitions, I'd guess yes, but I couldn't really know. I don't think it would be appropriate to ask her out while she's seeing another guy. They've been together for at least a few months, and maybe as much as a year. If it turns out to be a really long-term thing I might have to take my chances anyway, but it doesn't feel like the right time. But there's hope. When we crossed paths by chance in mid-'08 there seemed to still be some genuine warmth, hugs and all. She told me what clubs she goes to at uni, so I guess that's a cautious way of rekindling things.
Green Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 why didn't you do something? In my opinion you need to either let her know how you feel by trying to get her back or put her out of you mind and move on with your life and date other people. What you have with her isn't real because you don't even really know her that well you've just built her up in your head. Date another girl and be all into her!
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 OP, with due respect, don't put virginity and her in the same sentence. That installs her on a pedestal and, trust me, no woman is worth that. If you have strict religious mores to which you adhere, let that guide you, but don't apply it to her specifically. Date many young ladies. You can date and still retain your virginity. The important thing is to gain relationship experience with women. Read my "Evolution" series of journals for more background on my experience.
Author mallsballs Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 why didn't you do something? In my opinion you need to either let her know how you feel by trying to get her back or put her out of you mind and move on with your life and date other people. What you have with her isn't real because you don't even really know her that well you've just built her up in your head. Date another girl and be all into her! Do something? What, and when? I called a break when it seemed necessary, and you can't easily change your mind after doing so. And while I can understand you having a bit of a chip on your shoulder if you didn't have anyone back in high school, who do you think you are to decide whether or not someone's relationship is "real"? Whether or not she and I still have anything, we'd both agree that we did. Perhaps I am asking too much of you guys, but try not to make assumptions about people you don't know at all. @carhill: Yours is the sort of advice I can relate to. In the event that she and I getting back together comes up, more general relationship experience could help.
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 OP, such experience may not change your feelings for her, but it will give you clarity. You will understand women (to the extent a man really can) much better. When you can see her as an equal, no more and no less, and someone who is healthy for you, that can spawn a love that will last a lifetime. Good luck on the journey
Green Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Do something? What, and when? I called a break when it seemed necessary, and you can't easily change your mind after doing so. And while I can understand you having a bit of a chip on your shoulder if you didn't have anyone back in high school, who do you think you are to decide whether or not someone's relationship is "real"? Whether or not she and I still have anything, we'd both agree that we did. Perhaps I am asking too much of you guys, but try not to make assumptions about people you don't know at all. @carhill: Yours is the sort of advice I can relate to. In the event that she and I getting back together comes up, more general relationship experience could help. All I can do is make assumptions about people I don't know at all on this site use the advice if it feels right to you. I apologize if I insulted you I think I might have miscomunicated what I was trying to say. Really I'm trying to say the same thing carhill did but I wanted to add in that reality is she is dating some one else right now and you shouldn't build her up in your mind as your one true love. The pedestal you have her on isn't real thats all I meant. Your thoughts about this girl who is dating some one else arn't realistic, if you seriously are in love with her you should let her know go after her, if you just let her date some other guy and you broke it off with her don't expect another chance with her
Ricky01 Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 go out and experience the world. She needs to do the same, you two can still be friends. I had a HS SH, even though we werent bf/gf, until years later. We had graduated and lived total separate lives, before coming together. It was by weird twist of fate we met again, and so we tooko advantage of it, it was a nice ride to until the end. But even then we still didn't know enough about ourselves to keep it going. So if over 5 years wasn't enough, Im sorry to saythere may not be a number scheme to go by to know when. All I can say is I wish we stayed in touch as friends... and really could mean that. As you get older the people you knwo from your childhood get smaller and smaller, to have a friend you can identify with all the way back from HS, is very valuable and very sweet. cherish it, respect the friendship more than the relationship. Ours has gotten too far along to reconcile from my end, things were done and said I can't forget, even though I forgave. I am sure I did some collateral damage also.
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