sunshine1 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I have been seeing my ex-boyfriend for 4 months. He brings lots of baggage: he has 2 little kids ( who I get along with very well) He is in the middle of a divorce with a person he says he was never in love with, he feels as though the previous relationship with his wife was full of manipulation on her part starting out by her getting pregnant without his knowledge after she told him she was incapable of getting pregnant. 8 years later he finally gets the strength and where with all to leave her. When he met me he was fresh out of his marriage and separated, and told me that he knew he needed time to go through all of these changes in his life but that he could not pass up the opportunity to be with me, and that I was not a rebound as his break up with his wife had been on going for a couple years and he had dated during that time. And for me, I hadn't met anyone in years that I thought could match up to my ideal mate until I met him. In the beginning, we were together most everyday, and we laughed, and we loved each other, and we talked about everything, we talked about a future together all the time. We were both so incredibly open to one another and shared all of our feelings of insecurities, and our dreams. he began to talk about his desire to have a baby with me, which really blew me away, but then when I brought it up all of sudden he wasn't ready for that commitment with me, and that was our first fight. he begged me to love him again. And now the this last month, he has a new hobby which he would like to become a career. He spends all of his time doing it and apologizes to me for not having time for me, but then he would tell me things like: "I want my career and I want you in my life and that's all". I told him we would work it out, and I would support him, but that I needed his emotional support in return. He has become closed off to me and does not share his feelings with me anymore and he seems emotionally meaner. And consequently, due to his lack of emotional availability and on top of that his lack of time for me this last month has been hell, and we have been breaking up every week and getting back together. Every time we break up my heart hurts more than anything I've ever experienced. I feel as though he makes up reasons for the break up and to push me away, such as, " I have issues with his wife and I'm jealous and think he's going to go back to her". which is not true. and the other one is that, "I have a problem dating a man with kids". I have never said anything like that. Also, " I have a problem with the amount of time he spends on his new hobby" and that is not true. I do not feel that I need to be with him all the time. I love my time alone, but I just do not want to be completely without him if I am in a relationship with him, right? The only problem are the walls that he has put up towards me and it makes me go away and then he gets mad at me and makes up the excuses as listed above for the reasons why I cannot be happy with him. (it is my fault according to him) but the fact is that we are so happy together when we just love one another.I don't understand why we have these problems which do not seem real to me. Now we have broken up and I am trying with all my might not to communicate with him and just feel the pain so I can move on because i cannot continue to have this up and down in my life. The other problem is that I do love him with my whole entire heart, and even though it's only been four months and one of those has been a bad month I have to remind myself constantly that he is no longer in my life. My life is very ethereal right now. I was such a happy person before I met him and I can't understand why I'm having such a hard time being happy after him. My mind does not feel like it's right for us NOT to be together (I hope that doesn't sound psycho) I just feel as though we had such a good thing together for a bit and I don't understand where he's coming from right now or why we can't work through this. He tells me he still loves me, and I don't understand why he bothers to tell me that if he won't fight for me a little bit. Is he just messing with my head and trying to make me crazy or did he just fall out of love with me right after he told me he loved me(is that possible) I have so many questions : ( Please if you have any insight it would be greatly appreciated. I am so sorry for the discombobulated post and I am greatful to anyone that has been able to wade through the whole thing : ) I am just a girl with a broken heart trying to make sense of what went wrong so that I don't have to make the same mistake again. And just to let you know I am happy that I approached the relationship with an open heart, and I will continue to have an open heart even if it breaks over and over. thank you. much love to you all.
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