lonetiger Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I found myself going on a date last week with someone new. It has been 1 month 3 weeks since my ex and I broke, and although I knew deep inside I really am not ready to date, I thought getting out would be a good for me. My date came and picked me up and out we went. Five minutes into conservation, he asked me on why I was single. My responce back to him was tht I really didn't care to talk about it. This guy wouldn't give up, so finally I told him the reason. This guy was not winning any medals from me, because during the entire date, he kept asking me dumb questions and asking me to compare my ex and him..like "am i better looking than X?" "do i do this better than X?" "who's a better kisser, me or X?" WHY would anyone dumb ass do tht to someone who is trying to heal from a painful break up? I was doing rather well with healing and it was getting easier everyday, tht is until I went on a date with this dummy. Ever since the date, I now find myself thinking about and missing my ex so much. Well needless to say, this dummy will never get another date from me and the reason for that, is tht he has no regards to my feelings...and he showed tht by his idiot actions of wanting to know if HE is better than someone I cared about.... So if I had to answer his questions on the differences between him and my ex...it would go something like this ...first, my ex made me feel so comfortable every minute i spent with him.. ...second, my ex was fastinating and intriqing in so many ways... ...third, my ex made a difference in my life, just by intoducing me to things i never knew was possible or exsisted ...fourth, my ex had class ...fifth, i knew my ex very well before we met in person the first time ...sixth, i loved the way i felt when i was with my ex ...seventh, my ex put a skip in my step and a dance in my heart ...eighth, oh heck no, my EX is a better kisser After this date, I know one thing....I am NOT over my sweetie and I am NOT ready to date....especially any idiots like the one I wasted 5 hours with.
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I found myself going on a date last week with someone new. It has been 1 month 3 weeks since my ex and I broke, and although I knew deep inside I really am not ready to date, I thought getting out would be a good for me. My date came and picked me up and out we went. Five minutes into conservation, he asked me on why I was single. My responce back to him was tht I really didn't care to talk about it. That was rude. What would it have hurt you to answer him? Maybe he meant that as a compliment. I would have answered him maybe with a little humor instead of the way you answered him. You didn't have to go into the details of why you're single you know. But you didn't have to take the other extreme either and not answer him at all. This guy wouldn't give up, so finally I told him the reason. This guy was not winning any medals from me, because during the entire date, he kept asking me dumb questions and asking me to compare my ex and him..like "am i better looking than X?" "do i do this better than X?" "who's a better kisser, me or X?" If he was such a dumb ass then why did you even kiss him? And as for his questions...so what? Why not humor the guy? WHY would anyone dumb ass do tht to someone who is trying to heal from a painful break up? I was doing rather well with healing and it was getting easier everyday, tht is until I went on a date with this dummy. Ever since the date, I now find myself thinking about and missing my ex so much. Well needless to say, this dummy will never get another date from me and the reason for that, is tht he has no regards to my feelings...and he showed tht by his idiot actions of wanting to know if HE is better than someone I cared about.... So if I had to answer his questions on the differences between him and my ex...it would go something like this ...first, my ex made me feel so comfortable every minute i spent with him.. ...second, my ex was fastinating and intriqing in so many ways... ...third, my ex made a difference in my life, just by intoducing me to things i never knew was possible or exsisted ...fourth, my ex had class ...fifth, i knew my ex very well before we met in person the first time ...sixth, i loved the way i felt when i was with my ex ...seventh, my ex put a skip in my step and a dance in my heart ...eighth, oh heck no, my EX is a better kisser After this date, I know one thing....I am NOT over my sweetie and I am NOT ready to date....especially any idiots like the one I wasted 5 hours with. If your ex is such a prince and this guy is such a "dumb ass" why aren't you with the ex?
Author lonetiger Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 touche...you told me tht i was rude in not wanting to answer his question on why i was still single and tht i should of in used humor answering him. well, I really do not think anyone on this site who is broken hearted over a breakup can honestly use humor in explaining to someone on why they are still single. I think I was right in not wanting to tell him because it just stirs up the hurt and not only tht, he kept pushing until he got my answer. and yes, this guy is a dumb ass because he knew i was hurt over my break up and yet through the entire night, he kept up with wanting to compare his self to someone i still care for. anyone that has no regard to someone else's feelings is a idiot in my eyes. and as for the kiss, it was a simple good night kiss at the door and he's lucky to have gotten tht. i went over a month of NC with my x and tonight i broke it and i am glad i did, because he responded back and it was sweet!
Faded Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I tried the rebound thing as well. Didn't work so great. It just kinda made my ex look even more amazing in my eyes. P.s. The only time a man ask questions like that is if he's severely insecure. Get rid of him. And Touche, Do you really think it's right to compare ex's to currents, Even when asked? HONESTLY? That subject should NEVER be included on a first date. EVER.
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I tried the rebound thing as well. Didn't work so great. It just kinda made my ex look even more amazing in my eyes. P.s. The only time a man ask questions like that is if he's severely insecure. Get rid of him. And Touche, Do you really think it's right to compare ex's to currents, Even when asked? HONESTLY? That subject should NEVER be included on a first date. EVER. I agree it shouldn't but maybe he was just being funny. I kind of took that way. I wasn't there so I don't know. If he was serious then yeah, it's lame. Lonetiger, sorry you didn't like my advice. I was being honest. I thought you were rude. If you weren't ready to go out and handle a date, then you would have been better off turning him down. Frankly, I think it's better to date when you're not ready than chase after a guy who dumped you...but that's just me.
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 She hasn't de-toxed from her ex yet. Her list exemplifies that. With such an extraordinary list of attributes, they should be married, yes? Interesting how the mind works OP, it was one date that left you with a bad taste in your mouth. Try not to define the entirety of the male gender, absent your ex of course, by this one date. Go on others. Go on 50 and I'll bet you'll meet one decent guy with whom you have chemistry. Please show him the list in your OP just so he's aware of what he's up against
clv0116 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 For whatever it's worth I think it shows good character and maturity to openly think well of an ex. We tried something and it didn't work out, no need to be nasty about it. Life continues.
Tony T Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I don't think many intelligent men would have asked these questions of you. Matter of fact, it's just plain good manners not to talk about people's exes, particularly on a first date. Rather than stop dating, why don't you go out and have fun with guys who have some class and brains? While the guy you were with on this date was an idiot, I don't think he was at all representative of the behavior of decent guys.
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 For whatever it's worth I think it shows good character and maturity to openly think well of an ex. We tried something and it didn't work out, no need to be nasty about it. Life continues. True, but running through an internal list of comparison or sharing it with a potential (good or bad) isn't healthy. Relationships don't end because people are compatible and love each other. IMO, the OP is still in the clutches of her emotional bond to her ex and it's borderline abusive to accept sincere dates with interested men. I can categorically say I would never do such a thing to a woman and never have. It's just wrong. The guy may have been a dork but the next guy probably won't be and the OP will still be in the same place. What will be the next topic?
clv0116 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I agree 100%, and obviously she's still hurting which is fair reason to not want the subject raised. Of course a first date isn't where you try to drag that out anyway, he is pretty tactless. Most guys know better.
carhill Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Yeah, even when I was a dumb-ass, I wasn't that dumb-ass OP, simple solution is alone time. Girlfriends are great. Enjoy them. De-tox from ex. Sure, have good memories, but remember why you're no longer a couple. Polite indifference. Then, proceed with attracting a healthy male to yourself. I say this because, by being in this flux state, a potentially great match might get pushed away and you'll lose out on what could be a really good thing. So, rebound at your own risk
Author lonetiger Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 i just wanna thank those whom agree with me or see my point... but as TOUCHE commented..."maybe he was trying to be funny"...maybe I am a dumb ass for thinking tht I didn't find humor in his actions or comments. I could of turned the tables and just slammed him with questions on why he is a single father and never was married...but I didn't because tht situation could be a touchy one for him to talk about (which tht was never discussed nor brought up) I do agree, although I tried my hand on getting out on the dating scene, I just simply am not ready for it. The last thing I want to do is sit and compare someone new to my ex, because tht would never be fair for someone new. I do still have a special place in my heart for my ex and I know deep down he still cares for me. He just has some issues about his self tht he needs to address and face. Our break up was my fault, but it all boiled down to, he was scared, therefore he ran. All I can say, is tht I am not new at this dating thing. I was married for 10 years and I ended my marriage 7 years ago because my husband fell into a deep depression and egnored me for 4 years. I have been in 2 very serious relationships since, and I ended those because one was a cheater and one tried to control every move I made. I am very secure and totally independant and a strong woman. I know what I want in a man, and if I feel tht a man isnt 100% honest and respectful, they will never be worth my time. You see, this last date I went on, I could tell all he wanted was a piece of booty, and did he get it? NO. TOUCHE may question me on how I would know this...well, when a guy says over and over tht he wants to go to my house and have dessert...well, what do you think? This idiot had no concerns on wanting to get to know me for who I am.. When a person finds someone tht they can totally relate to in every aspect, have alot in common, can sit and talk for hours about everything and anything, can accept differences about one another yet have an open mind to go explore their intrest, feels totally 100% comfort in each others presence, brings out the best in each other, takes time to learn about each others past and family, makes a gloomy day bright just by a simple hello, fills your heart with a powerful sensation of happiness, can intreuqe your life with things you never heard of...ect...i had found tht finally with my ex. I know tht he is not the only guy out there in the world and there just might be someone with much more to offer. I will never settle for anything less than what I deserve, and maybe one day, I will meet him.
Peter_pan Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 wow he is an a$$ what planet is he from. you certainly didnt pick the right date lol sorry to hear all that. least you know your not ready to date..
clv0116 Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 I agree it shouldn't but maybe he was just being funny. Ah you make a good point. But he has to have pretty broken social antennae to not pick up on the 'not funny today' vibe and rethink his approach.
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