Is it true that its called breakup because its broken or are there second chances?

[girlsweetness]

Hi Everyone,

 

I am writing this in regards to an ex I have who I have started to see again. We are not exclusive but are dating. We broke up about a year ago because he felt the cultural divides were going to tear us apart. Some background on that I am south asian and he is caucasian. For my family it would have to be something serious before they would meet a guy. So me and him had only dated 2 months and he wanted to be part of their lives which is way too soon for me. Anyhow he had also mentioned to someone else that if he had real passionate love to me he would have stayed with me because he felt if two people loved each other they would endure anything. Also when he broke up he cited that it was due to a lack of passion and chemistry.

 

Last summer we started to talk again he wanted to meet up but I refused for months because I really was scared of getting involved with him as he had hurt me when we dated because he broke up with me the day before my birthday. So in January we re met each other in real life. We kept going out for dinners and coffee. Soon he said he wanted to meet his sister and her family for breakfast because he said they wanted to see me again. He also took me out for a special birthday dinner and made me valentines day dinner in a very romantic manner although all we really are, is friends at this point. Sometimes he will say I am his date, but sometimes he says the word friend so it can be hard to read. Anyhow at this point I am not sure what we have.

 

I guess what I am trying to see is, if a guy says he doesn't feel the passion or chemistry etc is it worth trying again? I already know he is very uptight about the cultural divide and I really can't help that my parents were raised in a different part of the world. They would never disown me because i choose a person from a different race to be with by the way, they are open minded people and love me very much. Additionally he is spending a lot of time with me, we spend the weekends together, some weeknights after work. We are not even physical past the point of kissing so i know he doesn't want the sex, and he is a virgin anyways. I know he is exploring other options because he has told me he has been trying online dating. I guess my questions are is it worth trying again with him and if he's looking for something else I guess I am obviously not the person he is looking for? One other part to this is if I go out he asks who I went with and sometimes asks a number of "did you go with so and so" etc to figure out if I am going with a guy is my guess, and i am not sure why he does that. Also for the past while he has called me during the day to see how I am, but for the past week has not, just wondering if this means he is not into me or if I am reading into things too much.

[LucreziaBorgia]

The way I see it - your relationship is like an expensive vase. When you break up, the vase is shattered. You don't want to throw it away, so you give it a repair job. But you know what? No matter how much you repair it, or how well you repair it - it will always be a broken vase. Nothing can 'unbreak' it.

 

The best thing to do? Throw away the pieces, stop trying to glue them back together and go shopping for a less breakable vase.

[girlsweetness]

Hi LucreziaBorgia

 

Thank you for your response. I know I hate to say it but what you say is all true. I feel the same dysfunctions are coming up that were in our relationship the first time. He was unable to communicate how he was really feeling at times so he would just pull away. Or he would ignore the issue that was bothering him then wait days seek advice from a friend and listen to everything the friend said believe it to be true and go based on that instead of having a discussion with me. Whatever his friend says to do he will do it, but never make that decision on his own fully.

 

I am so confused as to what to say in terms of calling it off? Like basically for the past week he has been contacting me later in the evening to talk to me but in the day time he stopped calling to see how i am doing whereas he used to call me in the day too. When I do talk to him he asks things like if I want to go for coffee, or if I want to meet up this weekend etc. At the same time I sense something is different about him and how he talks to me and that something is wrong. Someone told me I should just stop talking to him and ignore him but I am not that type of person I just wonder what the best solution is?