climbergirl Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 He's driving me crazy, and I'm on the verge of asking HIM out. I know he's attracted and we email at least 3 times a day for the past few weeks and when we talk on the phone the conversations are never dull. So I'm thinking that he's maybe in a relationship, but he added me as a friend today on Facebook and there is no indication that he is. He is a busy guy--3 jobs---one of which is a bartender. I throw that out there because 'player' comes to mind. But, really, how long do you wait or why would you if you're interested in someone? I had been in a relationship for the past 5 years and kinda clueless about the whole dating thing.
alphamale Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 But, really, how long do you wait or why would you if you're interested in someone? i've waited anywhere from 5 minutes from first meeting to 3 years. usually it falls between one hour and a week....
BobSacamento Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 A week at the latest. I tend to want to get it done with so I can move on. Usually the woman is clever enough to throw out signals. Heck one example is I asked what she liked to do on the weekends - her response "I like to go out to dinner with friends (or a man)" Needless to say I asked her out the following day. I think people are way to caught up in not looking desperate these days.
prettybaby Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Just ask him out. The guy I'm with now seemed pretty relaxed and self-confident at first, and so it really puzzled me when he didn't ask me out even though he seemed interested ... turns out he was incredibly shy when it comes to dating. I eventually grabbed myself together and asked him out, he gladly accepted. We're a couple now
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Thanks guys. He's coming over on monday to do some work on my house and I'll get a better feel for the situation. Problem is, I think i'm being overt but after reading my emails to him...I'm probably not. He'll write that I made his day and my response is basically...'cool'. Or when he called to do the work early, he said he just wanted the opportunity to see me. My response? "oh that's nice". This is my problem...when I really like a guy I tend to back off to an extreme. I'm not a shy person by any means, but I feel like I get so guarded in these situations. WTF! I'm going about this all wrong! I'm not trusting my instincts. You're right, PB, I should just bite it and ask him out. Maybe I'm just not trusting the signals. Do guys like being asked out?
BobSacamento Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 How have you shown that you are interested? To me you have yet to show that you are interested.
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 You're right, Bob. But the thing is this...it's scary for me. I really don't know how to show I'm interested without showing I'm too interested-if that makes sense. I just don't know how to do it...I've been in LTR's all my life and am such a dork when it comes to dating. So what I really want advice on is this...what does a person say to show interest. If a guy tells you that you're beautiful/sexy what response is a person to give? I've said nothing. And, do you guys like it when a girl asks YOU out? I'm just trying to figure this out. I feel like he's had the opportunity to ask me out, but yet hasn't. OMG..I feel like an idiot when it comes to this. I really, really like him. But the more I do the more I shut myself off.
alphamale Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I really don't know how to show I'm interested without showing I'm too interested-if that makes sense. dress hotlaugh at his lame jokemake lots of extended eye contacttouch him a lotsmile, smile, smileask him questions about himself (job, interests, family, etc...)make "suggestions"throw in a bit of sexual innuendo here and thereif he doesn't get the message then he's not worth having
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 dress hotlaugh at his lame jokemake lots of extended eye contacttouch him a lotsmile, smile, smileask him questions about himself (job, interests, family, etc...)make "suggestions"throw in a bit of sexual innuendo here and thereif he doesn't get the message then he's not worth having Good advice. will do. thank you alpha. Oh, i always smile...he mentioned that.
kdark Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 bad idea I somewhat agree. I'm extremely shy, and part of my personal test with all of my girlfriends was whether or not I had the balls to man up and ask her out. But that's if you subscribe to the typical gender roles that are set for the dating game. But By all means, try your hand at initiating the first date. Rules don't apply to all situations.
RedRussian Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 You should grow up before asking him out...these little games of yours will only hurt him in a long run...If you like him than go for it unless you are an insecure little diva girl who "never" asked a boy out....wow poor baby
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 You should grow up before asking him out...these little games of yours will only hurt him in a long run...If you like him than go for it unless you are an insecure little diva girl who "never" asked a boy out....wow poor baby You're probably right. It may very well stem from insecurity. however, the 'game' thing is incorrect. I don't have time for that.
Art_Critic Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Right now is your relationship primarily a customer to supplier one ?.. in other words.. are you paying him for whatever services he is doing for you ?
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Right now is your relationship primarily a customer to supplier one ?.. in other words.. are you paying him for whatever services he is doing for you ? No art, but i would gladly do it if he wanted. I think he's doing it for references.
Art_Critic Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Then I'm gonna say go with Alpha's advice.. I think it is right on.. or close enough.. the key is that he knows you are available and interested I was worried that he was doing work to your house and you were paying him or something like that...
prettybaby Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 if he doesn't get the message then he's not worth having Sorry Alpha, but that's BS. There are guys who just fear rejection or are too shy or insecure to make a step. Does that mean they're not worth having? That they would suck in a relationship? Absolutely not. Sometimes it just takes that one initial push to get things rolling and get them to open up.
gopher Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 No art, but i would gladly do it if he wanted. I think he's doing it for references. Maybe so...but maybe he just wants to see you. I'm going to go with the "he's too shy to ask you out"...or he not fond of rejection...either way, I would make it obvious to him that you are interested in him as more than a friend....That's the dilemia us guys have sometimes. Does she like me or does she like like me....Every once in a while we need a little nudge. Good luck!
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 I'm actually quite proud of myself. I commented on one of his photos-my discreet attempt (well, probably not so discreet) to find out his status and he sent this: "Not sure who you're refering to, *climbergirl*, in a bar pic, but no I don't have a GF. So are you attached? I'm sure you are, being you are so dam HOT!" So I'm thinking that's a good sign, I think-right? Now I have to tell him I'm in the process of getting divorced. Kind of embarrassed about telling him that.
alphamale Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Sorry Alpha, but that's BS. There are guys who just fear rejection or are too shy or insecure to make a step. Does that mean they're not worth having? That they would suck in a relationship? Absolutely not. Sometimes it just takes that one initial push to get things rolling and get them to open up. if you eventually want to have kids you'll need a man with some cajones
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 if you eventually want to have kids you'll need a man with some cajones Huh? Why would a man who has dresser drawers mean he wants kids? Unless you meant "cojones." Now that's something else.
zaphodb2002 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Took me like 2 months to work up the courage to ask my girl out. I had been dating her for some time, but we weren't attached yet. If you enjoy his company, and he yours, and you're seeing each other, what's the problem? You can always just ask him if he wants to hang out. A cup of coffee or dinner or something. Just that little bit might make him confident enough to ask you. I'm a confident, talkative, social guy, but I get shy sometimes around girls I like. Not shy, I guess, just cowardly, lol. Once she said yes, though, everything was SO much easier. He may be the same way.
Author climbergirl Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 I did kinda, sorta throw it out there. He was talking about putting together his harley in that email, and when I wrote back I mentioned that I've never been on one. Not only that but had to throw in (hint) I don't know if I could be more forward!! God, I feel like a dork. Took me like 2 months to work up the courage to ask my girl out. I had been dating her for some time, but we weren't attached yet. If you enjoy his company, and he yours, and you're seeing each other, what's the problem? You can always just ask him if he wants to hang out. A cup of coffee or dinner or something. Just that little bit might make him confident enough to ask you. I'm a confident, talkative, social guy, but I get shy sometimes around girls I like. Not shy, I guess, just cowardly, lol. Once she said yes, though, everything was SO much easier. He may be the same way.
zaphodb2002 Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 No, that's great! I really think the more like a dork you feel the better you're doing, lol. He'd better pick up on that and offer you a ride! Lol, I didn't mean for that to sound so sexual. ::sheepish grin::
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