Fiaman Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 I initiated NC 2 months ago. She texted me a couple times in between but I didnt respond...then last night she texted... Her: I know you hate me but when you get this can you text me? I need to tell you something. Well I waited til this morning, curiousity kill the cat and I simply acted indifferent and said "Whatsup?" Then she had this to say: "Look I just wanna say im sorry for everything I did and didn't do and for being a bad friend and gf. Alot of stuff has happened in the past few months and I realized how ****ty I am. Im sorry for bothering you, I hope your doing well." I said "I see. Im doing great thanks." and then I texted her saying "I can't trust what she has to say" Which she replied: "Okay thats fine. Im not asking for you to forgive me. I just needed to get it off my chest. That's it." I need an outsider's view on this. Is she truly sorry or just trying to keep her on my mind? Idk if I should have even responded or if I should again??
gavinus Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 My advice for whats its worth, is you have replied, so now leave it alone, if she wants to contact you again, she 100% will. Maybe she contacted you for an ego boost for her, time will tell
Author Fiaman Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 After that last text she sent me, I kinda figured it was for attention/ego boost, I'm just gonna not reply and let it go. I was just trying to be civil with her.
Excellent Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 My advice for whats its worth, is you have replied, so now leave it alone, if she wants to contact you again, she 100% will. Maybe she contacted you for an ego boost for her, time will tell I agree. Perhaps it was a test to see if she still can communicate with you. Now that you replied, she knows this. So now you wait, if she wants she is going to contact you. Just don't initiate anything, let her do that.
Author Fiaman Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 The only thing I am worried about is if she feels like she got some power back. Do you guys think I gave her any power back? I think if I don't respond to her last text, that I still have power right? It sounds dumb but thats what happens in breakups and its easier to move on when you have the power.
Excellent Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 The only thing I am worried about is if she feels like she got some power back. Do you guys think I gave her any power back? I think if I don't respond to her last text, that I still have power right? It sounds dumb but thats what happens in breakups and its easier to move on when you have the power. So let her think that then! Prove her wrong by not contacting her. She will eventually start to wonder why you haven't given in already.
sad_panda Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 The only thing I am worried about is if she feels like she got some power back. Let her think what she wants. If she believes she has the upper hand because she managed to elicit a response from you, then let her be. If that's what gets her off, makes her happy, that's nothing you need to care about. Worrying about what she thinks means that certainly, she still has the power. Once you stop giving a sh*t about what she thinks then she really has no hold over you anymore.
EasyHeart Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 What are you trying to accomplish? Is this a power/ego thing? Are you trying to hurt her or show her that you don't care about her? If so, keep up NC. OR are you interested in getting back together with her? If that's what you want, she's made the first move. She reached out and told you that she felt bad about what happened. If you're interested in her, now is the time to put your ego in check and accept her peace offering.
troubadour Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 The only thing I am worried about is if she feels like she got some power back. Do you guys think I gave her any power back? I think if I don't respond to her last text, that I still have power right? It sounds dumb but thats what happens in breakups and its easier to move on when you have the power. There is no question about it... she wanted to get you to respond to her TM and you did. Mission accomplished.
Author Fiaman Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 What are you trying to accomplish? Is this a power/ego thing? Are you trying to hurt her or show her that you don't care about her? If so, keep up NC. OR are you interested in getting back together with her? If that's what you want, she's made the first move. She reached out and told you that she felt bad about what happened. If you're interested in her, now is the time to put your ego in check and accept her peace offering. Accept her peace offering? She's with another dude that she was dating behind my back...
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 If it helps you to feel better, believing that you hold some power....no worries. Go with that if it's comforting. Here is my perspective (speaking only about the balance of power here)... You've not spoken to her in 2 months. She's texted you a few times and you haven't responded. You responded this last time with a couple brief sentences and are now back in NC mode. In my opinion- she lost power every time she texted you and didn't get a response. She lost even more power when you did respond and didn't give her the answer she might have been looking for. She's seeking you- you're being indifferent. I'd say the balance of power is in your favour. My ex does the same thing. I ignore him- I've been doing so for 3 weeks. he msn'd me today and I chatted with him. I don't feel like I lost any power. If anything it makes me wonder why he just can't let go. Doesn't mean I don't still have feelings- or feel a little screwy everytime he contacts me.... but what is important is that HE doesn't know that. I'd stick to the NC. If she's got something really important to say- she'll keep at you.
Author Fiaman Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Thanks D-lish, that actually helps a lot coming from a girl's prespective. She strung me along after we broke up giving me false hopes. She ended up dating someone behind my back, who she's still with now. She still gave me false hope AFTER I found all this out. This is a battle of my head and my heart. My head knows better but my heart still has some feelings there.
D-Lish Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Thanks D-lish, that actually helps a lot coming from a girl's prespective. She strung me along after we broke up giving me false hopes. She ended up dating someone behind my back, who she's still with now. She still gave me false hope AFTER I found all this out. This is a battle of my head and my heart. My head knows better but my heart still has some feelings there. Maybe you can take some comfort knowing that YOU may be experiencing this, but she doesn't know that you are. Guys and girls play that string along game- It's selfish and unfair to the person given the false hopes. My ex did/does the same thing to me, except there is not another woman involved- there are multiple, lol. For some reason, the more I ignore him, the more he tries to keep in touch. It's screwy eh? It's almost like they have difficulty with the notion that we might actually dislike them. I think that's about their own guilt. The text your ex sent you certainly has that underlying guilt theme. Just keep telling yourself that as long as she has no clue that you struggle with how you feel about her- she does not have any power. Indifference is your friend with ex's like this one. I think you handled the short exchange well. Go back into ignore mode- don't respond again. Let her carry some of the burden of pain she's inflicted upon you. Believe me- indifference can hurt more than hate. You acted indifferent with her- you're doing the opposite of what she expected... Now go back into ignore mode. Even if she keeps reaching out- as long as she is with another dude, she has no right to your response, compassion or anything else. So ignore- don't respond, it will have an impact- and it will make you feel better. You're going to be okay. Your head seems to be winning out over your heart.
Author Fiaman Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Are you a psychiatrist or something? You seem to have good insights on these kind of things and that helps alot. Thanks I put my life on hold for 6 months for this girl (6 months of false hopes at that) and I let all my self respect out the window, well not all, I was just an optimistic person but my self esteem and ego took a huge blow. I'm just looking for that back and wanted her to know that I have it back. Maybe today helped with that. I do feel like I am moving on. I can't wait for summer to come. Ever since January I've been addicted to working out and I am saving up for a crotch rocket. Those are two huge things to look forward too and keep my mind off things... Not to mention the loads of hot girls at the gym!
Author Fiaman Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Here's a CRAZY TWIST to this whole situation... Last night my buddy and I were downtown at a party. My ex's friend has a little something goin with the buddy I was with. She texted him to hang out but she was with my ex. I dropped him off at that party and picked him up later. Turns out my buddies "girl" was coming with and my ex needed a ride back to her car (5 blocks away in the cold). So I said it was ok. I acted like it didnt phase me. She created a little small talk and then I dropped the girls off at the car. By now it's like 2 in the morning and we're on the highway heading home. My buddy gets a text from my ex's friend sayin we should hang out... as in all of us. I played it cool and acted like I was tired and she kept askin him to hang out. So we were like "ok where do you want to hang out?" My ex was watching someone's house so we could go there. We followed them to the house and guess who's house it was? My ex's boyfriends house. She was watching it because him and his roomates were out of town! Now how F'd up is that? The whole night I was havin a blast with my buddy and his "girl", laughing, being myself, just how I was when she first met me and actin like being there didnt phase me. I barely spoke to my ex, but when we did exchange a few lines I was polite. The rest of the night we were watchin TV except for my ex. She couldn't sit still. She was up walkin around going upstairs, back downstairs hanging out in the kitchen by herself for no reason. Basically, it seemed like she was trippin hard while I was just chillin havin a blast, laughing it up. She seemed to be trippin so hard that she couldn't even say bye when we left and I said "cya guys". I dont know, maybe I was lookin too much into it but still, she wasn't actin right, in fact a little weird, just standing in the dining room zoning out, I even caught her sitting at the table with her hand over her face. Could she still have feelings? Idk I am glad I went through that last night. It really made me realize how little respect she has for her boyfriends. I mean seriously answer this... Would you bring an ex to ur new SO's crib when they were out of town? I mean we didnt do anything but I still think thats a huge disrespect right there! Pretty much we both played with fire and it seemed like she's the one who got burned.
Excellent Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Here's a CRAZY TWIST to this whole situation... Last night my buddy and I were downtown at a party. My ex's friend has a little something goin with the buddy I was with. She texted him to hang out but she was with my ex. I dropped him off at that party and picked him up later. Turns out my buddies "girl" was coming with and my ex needed a ride back to her car (5 blocks away in the cold). So I said it was ok. I acted like it didnt phase me. She created a little small talk and then I dropped the girls off at the car. By now it's like 2 in the morning and we're on the highway heading home. My buddy gets a text from my ex's friend sayin we should hang out... as in all of us. I played it cool and acted like I was tired and she kept askin him to hang out. So we were like "ok where do you want to hang out?" My ex was watching someone's house so we could go there. We followed them to the house and guess who's house it was? My ex's boyfriends house. She was watching it because him and his roomates were out of town! Now how F'd up is that? The whole night I was havin a blast with my buddy and his "girl", laughing, being myself, just how I was when she first met me and actin like being there didnt phase me. I barely spoke to my ex, but when we did exchange a few lines I was polite. The rest of the night we were watchin TV except for my ex. She couldn't sit still. She was up walkin around going upstairs, back downstairs hanging out in the kitchen by herself for no reason. Basically, it seemed like she was trippin hard while I was just chillin havin a blast, laughing it up. She seemed to be trippin so hard that she couldn't even say bye when we left and I said "cya guys". I dont know, maybe I was lookin too much into it but still, she wasn't actin right, in fact a little weird, just standing in the dining room zoning out, I even caught her sitting at the table with her hand over her face. Could she still have feelings? Idk I am glad I went through that last night. It really made me realize how little respect she has for her boyfriends. I mean seriously answer this... Would you bring an ex to ur new SO's crib when they were out of town? I mean we didnt do anything but I still think thats a huge disrespect right there! Pretty much we both played with fire and it seemed like she's the one who got burned. Haha, your story is actually quite similar to mine. My ex did the exact same thing, only in a different enviroment. The second you start to act indifferent, and stay cool around her, she WILL wonder what the hell is going on. "Why isn't he giving me any attention" she keeps asking herself. And the things they do to try to get your attention is so funny sometimes. The trick here is to just stay cool, but be polite when she talks to you. But don't gloat, it's tempting, but not very smart.
Author Fiaman Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 Idk if she's thinking "why is he not giving me any attention." She's super stubborn and really good at hiding emotions.
Excellent Posted March 1, 2009 Posted March 1, 2009 Idk if she's thinking "why is he not giving me any attention." She's super stubborn and really good at hiding emotions. Perhaps they are not thinking that directly, i think it's more like a subconscious thing. And yeah, my ex was really good at hiding her emotions, she had the coldest poker-face i've ever seen when she broke up with me. But i am in an position where i see her everyday at work, and then it's much more easier for me to see the effects of NC and acting indifferent.
Author Fiaman Posted March 1, 2009 Author Posted March 1, 2009 What kind of behavior or effects can you see through your ex? My ex was more of the b!tchy type but whenever she knows she messed up, her attitude takes a 180 and becomes nice and "approval seeking" so-to-say. As soon as we got to her BF house, she seemed ok. She cracked a joke about some random thing and the other people were laughing (my buddy and his girl) and I didnt even flinch to laugh, I didnt even acknowledge she was speaking, I just stared straight at the TV and kept watching (even though what she said was funny and I wanted to laugh but I made sure not to) I saw her out of the corner of my eye waiting for me to acknowledge her (I acted like I didnt care pretty much). As soon as she noticied my behavior is when she started acting all screwy. Does that mean she realized Im not in her grasp anymore? Also I forgot to mention, when a girl called me and I started talking to her, she went straight upstairs.
Excellent Posted March 2, 2009 Posted March 2, 2009 What kind of behavior or effects can you see through your ex? My ex was more of the b!tchy type but whenever she knows she messed up, her attitude takes a 180 and becomes nice and "approval seeking" so-to-say. As soon as we got to her BF house, she seemed ok. She cracked a joke about some random thing and the other people were laughing (my buddy and his girl) and I didnt even flinch to laugh, I didnt even acknowledge she was speaking, I just stared straight at the TV and kept watching (even though what she said was funny and I wanted to laugh but I made sure not to) I saw her out of the corner of my eye waiting for me to acknowledge her (I acted like I didnt care pretty much). As soon as she noticied my behavior is when she started acting all screwy. Does that mean she realized Im not in her grasp anymore? Also I forgot to mention, when a girl called me and I started talking to her, she went straight upstairs. I noticed some changes in her only after a couple days after i started NC. She got more quiet for starters. She would constantly joke around and have fun with everyone when we were together, but now it's more like a fasade. And hearing her laugh nowadays is rare. Then, as 1-2 weeks went by, she got more attention seeking. She would try to initiate conversations, asking many weird questions. Like if i remembered her birthday date, how much money i earned, and if i ever wanted to get together i should just let her know, why i always am so happy, and am i happy because i am dating someone else. She texts me at work about random things, even if she is sitting in a room across the hallway. She even complained once about my evasiveness, to wich i responded that i just don't have the time to fool around so much at work (wich is true, my new position gave me a ton of workload). It's like it is getting more worse every new week. Last week she asked me if i wanted to go grab a quick coffee, she even asked me to dig her car out of the snow. And for some reason, she looks like she is feeling really akward around me now, the last time we spoke she was blushing and stuttering so much, that to one point it thought i was going to start laughing. She has never done that before. It was like looking at a little girl that was new in kindergarden. All in all, if i should sum it up, it just looks like her ego is falling apart. There are many other little things that has happened too, i'm just trying to keep things short here tho (fail, i know ) Anyway, what this means, i don't know. I have stopped letting these things giving me hope for anything, or that they are some "special" sign that she wants me back. Because i doubt it. I am even starting to seriously doubt that I want her back, wich is a good thing, right? I'm just trying to move on now, and i'm getting there.
Blessings Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 Sometimes ignoring the ex all the time says these things to me... it doesnt really say "im over you"... I dont know..personally I would take it as "Oh he didnt respond, he is still hurt over the whole thing..or he is angry at me" (if i was the one who did the dumping and depending on how we parted) It could say you're bitter and still into her...or simply that you want nothing to do with her and that you have moved on or at least are trying to... responding sometimes briefly ( if enough time has passed, the text was initiated by them and u NEVER initiate texts) it says "im over you and hold no grudge, we're on speaking terms.." I dont know why but to me "polite indifference" is more of a f u c k you than anything else. "ignoring" kind of shows that you still care or that you really want nothing to do with that person...okay now im confusing myself...lol...hope i made some sense.
peteyj Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 I don't get the point of what you're doing. First your text wasn't as 'civil' as you proclaim. You should just have left out the trust thing. At this point who cares what she thinks you think. You're still going down some path that makes no sense at this point. Kind of like you are still trying to prove to her that you don't give a crap. Obviously you do. Then you go hang out with her, even when you really aren't hanging with her, for whatever reason. Why even put yourself in these situations and then why the hell are you analyzing it over and over. Obviously at this point you sure as hell don't have any power over her. Real power would have been to forget about it and not hang out with her. If she's as bad as you claim and hurt you as much as you claim, who the hell would want to go down the path to hang out with her, even to prove a point. The only point you really proved was either you're just having a power trip or you're trying to play games to win her back somehow. Move on and forget about her. Stop analyzing what she says and what you say. And for gawd sake, stop 'accidentally' running into her and hanging out with her. You're not doing anything for your own self confidence. You' re only pretending like she doesn't matter to you.
peteyj Posted April 2, 2009 Posted April 2, 2009 And as the other poster said.....really having the power and being over a person means you can actually walk up to them and have a conversation without any need to prove a damn thing. Right now the only thing the both of you seem to be doing is playing games with one another.
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