Author spookie Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 He made me cry on Wednesday. He was talking to another coworker about his large extended family, about all his siblings and cousins, and somehow the conversation veered to children and what he wanted to name his, and I just broke down; those were kids I'd fantasized having; it wounded me in that place still raw with desire and rejection to imagine him teaching them how to play catch. I managed to get away from my desk before the tears came, but still; it was a reminder that I need to find an effective way for blocking my own emotional reactions to this kind of crap; it's bound to come up, again and again. I want him so bad. How can I want him so bad and he not want me at all? There are a number of possible explanations. He might only be attracted to short girls, or blondes, or asians. He might be interested only in someone who's Catholic, or who appreciates baseball as much as he does. He might have sworn he'd never date an actuary. According to my drug dealer, I shoudln't discount the Greek thing. Those Greeks, he says, are very clanish. Maybe he's looking for a Greek woman to bear all those children he wants to play catch with and BBQ for. Who knows? I just wish... I could be... who he wanted. But I can't be someone I'm not. Incidentally, we're having our first off-site event since November on Tuesday. It will involve drinking, and, if I know anything about the antisocial natures of the rest of our coworkers, will likely dwindle down to just a couple of people. Maybe he'll get drunk and forget who I am and kiss me. Yah, right.
Author spookie Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 I honestly doubt it Spookie. Nothing you have ever posted about him has suggested he feels that way about you. He's aware of your feelings for him and he has done nothing. Not exactly the actions of someone madly in love. *sigh* I doubt it too.
Citizen Erased Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 *sigh* I doubt it too. And I'm sorry. It is a shame, everyone would love to see you log on here with happy news. And I think everyone has lusted after something they can't have before, it's painful...you're incredibly strong being able to face him everyday, I know I couldn't do it. It's painful enough with some distance....
Author spookie Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 And I'm sorry. It is a shame, everyone would love to see you log on here with happy news. And I think everyone has lusted after something they can't have before, it's painful...you're incredibly strong being able to face him everyday, I know I couldn't do it. It's painful enough with some distance.... Thanks. I'm just so ready to start being happy now. I know a relationship is not the be-all end-all, but it's something I want really badly, with the right person. He felt, and continues to feel, like he could have been it. He's the kind of guy I've always known I was looking for, but until now, have never been ready. His type don't come along very often.
Citizen Erased Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Thanks. I'm just so ready to start being happy now. I know a relationship is not the be-all end-all, but it's something I want really badly, with the right person. He felt, and continues to feel, like he could have been it. He's the kind of guy I've always known I was looking for, but until now, have never been ready. His type don't come along very often. I think you're only a year or so older than me spook. I haven't got a clue of what I want. If I allowed myself to get caught up in the whole Prince Charming, love of my life scenario, I'd probably be painfully in love with someone I could never have too. Because that's the thing, we can't have them so we don't know their numerous quirks. How they snore or they only bathe three times a week, they're cheap, they're a complete arsehole etc. I gave you my opinion on this guy, that he's not interested. He's an idiot IMO. I barely even know you and yet can see how intelligent, creative and gorgeous you are. You will find the person that will appreciate it, the universe isn't that cruel as to not let you be happy.
johan Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 ..the universe isn't that cruel as to not let you be happy. Why not? It did it to me. Take the first guy that comes along, Spookie. Don't be picky.
Citizen Erased Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Why not? It did it to me. Take the first guy that comes along, Spookie. Don't be picky. There is hope for you yet. If not I'm sure I can think of at least one person that would be more than happy to have you settle for them. Spookie on the other hand has hope and time.
BlueEyedGirl Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 I the universe isn't that cruel as to not let you be happy. Oh yes it is. It certanly is.
Citizen Erased Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Oh yes it is. It certanly is. You're probably right. Excuse my moment of positivity, I'm not quite sure what go into me.
shadowplay Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 He made me cry on Wednesday. He was talking to another coworker about his large extended family, about all his siblings and cousins, and somehow the conversation veered to children and what he wanted to name his, and I just broke down; those were kids I'd fantasized having; it wounded me in that place still raw with desire and rejection to imagine him teaching them how to play catch. I managed to get away from my desk before the tears came, but still; it was a reminder that I need to find an effective way for blocking my own emotional reactions to this kind of crap; it's bound to come up, again and again. I want him so bad. How can I want him so bad and he not want me at all? There are a number of possible explanations. He might only be attracted to short girls, or blondes, or asians. He might be interested only in someone who's Catholic, or who appreciates baseball as much as he does. He might have sworn he'd never date an actuary. According to my drug dealer, I shoudln't discount the Greek thing. Those Greeks, he says, are very clanish. Maybe he's looking for a Greek woman to bear all those children he wants to play catch with and BBQ for. Who knows? I just wish... I could be... who he wanted. But I can't be someone I'm not. Incidentally, we're having our first off-site event since November on Tuesday. It will involve drinking, and, if I know anything about the antisocial natures of the rest of our coworkers, will likely dwindle down to just a couple of people. Maybe he'll get drunk and forget who I am and kiss me. Yah, right. Spookie, I honestly don't get it either. He should like you in a just world. You're smart, pretty, fun to be around. It still makes me wonder if there's a glimmer of hope that he does and is trying to conceal it until you're no longer working together. But the cynic in me squashes that thought almost as soon as it pops up. I felt the same way about this guy over the summer. I'm smart, attractive, nice... why doesn't he like me? But even then there was more of a rational explanation given my social awkwardness. Yet still we find ourselves asking the question how can we feel so, so strongly that someone is right for us, that we are perfect for each other, that the chemistry is there, only to find they don't like us? Basically it's taught me not to trust my instincts on matters like these because people are too unpredictable. Still, here's what I think about your boss. He finds you attractive, but he isn't overwhelmed with desire enough to do anything about it and risk his job. Also, he probably sees you as a kid, as a younger sister, because you are younger than he is and naturally lower on the pecking order. He has a kind of brotherly fondness for you, and probably some physical attraction. Just not enough. I still think there's a possibility (let's say a 40% chance) that if you're no longer working together and both single he'll ask you out. But don't hold out hope. Move on and expect nothing.
JamesM Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 S Still, here's what I think about your boss. He finds you attractive, but he isn't overwhelmed with desire enough to do anything about it and risk his job. I think it all boils down to this. And after your revelations concerning him, he is being watched closely. If you are transferred, then you can consider pursuing him. But even then, he will be leery of a relationship. Relax and enjoy every moment you get with him. Don't wish for more, but revel in his presence when you get the opportunity. Who knows...life has strange ways of working out the way we desire...even when it isn't best for us. As for getting him to kiss you while drunk, this will probably ruin your chances with him when he becomes sober IMO.
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