Author spookie Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 None of you think it's even remotely possible he wants to be with me, but has convinced himself now's not the time?
shadowplay Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 None of you think it's even remotely possible he wants to be with me, but has convinced himself now's not the time? Anything's possible, but I think it's unlikely. Nothing will happen while you're working there at least.
Touche Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 None of you think it's even remotely possible he wants to be with me, but has convinced himself now's not the time? When you first started talking about him I thought so maybe. What ruined it for me is the fact that he went to HR and his boss. The fact that he didn't really have any reaction when you told him the reason for your request for the transfer. He's either really, REALLY ethical, or he's not interested. Could be either I guess. I'm sure after the race you'll really know. If you don't know by then, then you never will. Is this the first social thing outside of the office with him?
imani Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 How would you have "fit" with someone who doesn't feel the same way, or at best, deliberately chooses to ignore it? This is what I tell myself when something doesn't work out. It helps me get over it. And again, very good advice, Isolde. Hey maybe you should be Spookie's therapist . Spookie - you will get over it, and past it. I hate to sound like a broken record with my advice but, this promotion is yet another opportunity for you to focus on yourself and your career. Before you know it, it will be more like "Jack, who?":confused:. Trust.
imani Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 Don't get your hopes up again. I really doubt anything will ever happen with him. I wanted it to for you, but at this point it doesn't look good. When I'm really crushed that a guy rejects me, I do everything in my power to put him out of my mind completely. Any kind of romantic thought that comes up I just immediately squash. I am truly impressed with a lot of the advice you all are giving in this thread. Even the advice from the people who are in HR or management. Very sound advice. But I will say that sometimes even when good advice is given, it won't actually be taken if one is intent in only seeing what they want to see. Its apparent to me that even after this episode with her job, HR, Jack and Jack's boss' being lenient towards Spookie for admitting her crush etc - she is still holding onto hope of a chance for there to be more between them and if I read correctly, she even plans to try to seduce the guy again after this race?!?! Did I read that right, or am I just in an old thread of hers? Spookie, for the non-love of this messed up economy, please let it go. Let it go before you end up having to job hunt. They may not be so understanding the next time you try this. A lot of us have crushed on coworkers before but at some point in time we realized it just wasn't going to happen. And yeah, it sucks. But if you go through with your plan of making a play for him again after this race, after he's told you in nice terms that he only wants to keep the work relationship, then you could be facing yet another "meeting" with that HR lady. And the next time it could be Jack saying you're harrassing him. Is he really worth that? Does he only hold an interest to you because you can't have him? What is it, really? I'm not trying to sound mean, I'm just baffled I guess. Baffled as to why you would deliberately keep putting yourself through mental torture, when you've already dodged a bullet. They have given you such a magnificent opportunity in a company that you say you love working for. Don't blow it over a penis (no pun intended).
Touche Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 I have to agree with Imani. When I said you'll see and know after the race I didn't mean that you should do this: good opportunity to get him drunk and test his resolve./QUOTE] Please don't do that, Spook. I just meant that you'll know in that setting whether he's really interested or not. You don't have to do a thing, nor should you. He's already aware of your interest in him. If you do more than that, it will come off as pushy and desperate..not to mention inappropriate. Please don't "test his resolve" as you say. I don't even think I want to know what you meant by that. Just whatever you meant, don't do it, ok?
imani Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 None of you think it's even remotely possible he wants to be with me, but has convinced himself now's not the time? *sigh* I really don't want to give you false hope, but no, I don't think anything will happen between you two while you are still working there. But hold on a minute, don't go quitting your job, because there is also nothing to say anything will happen even if you weren't working for him. Please don't take offense. I'm just speaking from experience and I honestly was hoping that it worked out for you and him. It would have been nice to see (well read) of it working out for someone in this type of situation, but it is what it is. How about this...put the Jack thing on "pause" for a bit, put that energy into this new promotion and kick ass in your career like a lot of us have been suggesting. Apparently you are good at your job now, but imagine if you became great at it? So great that other doors open up for you to excel even further, maybe start your own business doing what you do. All of the hard work and focus will be on you, not Jack, and how wonderful will that be? You may even then run into Jack years later when you have your stuff together and then you can see where the chips fall with him. Or hell, you may run into him later and wonder what in the world you ever saw in him in the first place. Then do an about-face and run the other direction. Lol.
OpenBook Posted March 3, 2009 Posted March 3, 2009 None of you think it's even remotely possible he wants to be with me, but has convinced himself now's not the time? No, from the sounds of it (everything he's done lately, and said to you) I think he's made it clear that his career is the only priority for him now. He wants you to be in top form, so you can keep on delivering your obviously fantastic work performance... and not be distracted by crushes or feelings. (Although I'm sure it's a boost to his ego that he knows you have a crush on him.) It doesn't bother you that he KNOWS you're into him?? Gah. That would kinda creep me out.
Author spookie Posted March 3, 2009 Author Posted March 3, 2009 You guys... I am not going to seduce him after the race. Note that I did follow that comment up with "Just kidding". I know with my flyaway imagination and the overanalyzation to the 9th degree I spew out on here it can seem like that wouldn't be past me, but I'm not going to do anything so stupid. I need this job. I've grown up enough to know that. It's just such a motherfcvking bummer. And despite all the good advice given here, despite everything my friends, my family, my therapist, even my drug dealer have repeated, in my heart of hearts the only thing I can believe in, is the best-case scenario. It's this: He likes me. My telling him just confirmed what he'd thought all along: that I was the one. But not all jobs are just jobs. He's put seven solid years into his career at this company, forging relationships, building trust. He's in prime position to inherit a lot more power, probably soon. They pay him a lot. Since he's a long-term-view, calculating kind of guy, he's not going to risk throwing all that away by acting now, when in a couple of months, no one would even mind. If it's the right thing it'll still be there in June, right? I hope that's what he's thinking. So for now, he waits. And in the meantime, he's nice to me, and he shows me he cares, and that I can rely on him, trust him - relationship or not. It's pretty far-fetched, this view of reality; and there's not a terrible lot of evidence to support any part of it, honestly. But it's the only one I can have, and keep going.
wuggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Jeez spooky, even your drug dealer is telling you Jack doesn't dig you - come on, please don't waste your emotions on this it isn't worth it. Move on, find someone else, someone who you can be with.
Author spookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Ok. This is going to come off as really thick-headed and immature, and I probably already know what you guys will say. But... I am having trouble understanding WHY. WHY doens't he like me? How can I feel so much chemistry on so many different levels with him, when he feels nothing? And why? What's wrong with me? I haven't been rejected by anyone since the 8th grade. Yes, there was my ex who dumped me, but he was with me for 4 years first, and I know he loved me. And there was my high school boyfriend who started dating someone else when I still wanted to be together; but I had moved to a different state, so I could understand that at the time, too. But why doesn't Jack like me? This is the most put-together I have been my whole life. He sees the best sides of me. As far as he knows, I am smart, nice, and pretty. According to my drug dealer, I emit an instant warmth. According to my married friend and all my ex-boyfriends, I'm instantly likeable. So... what gives? What is so wrong with me that he won't give me a chance, even though he's single, even though I'm single and I've expressed interest? What is he looking for?
wuggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 There are tons of reasons why a bloke wouldn't want to get together with a reasonable looking woman (I am presuming you are), he might like someone else, he might be scared of your personality, he might be gay, he just might not like you, ihe might be scared of the consequences , it really doesn't matter. That isn't the point. I don't give a monkeys why , but you sound like a nice sort of person (bit wierd but that's ok). The point is, it really doesn't sound like he is going to do anything and the really sad thing would be if you keep obsessing over him. You have one life, stop self obsessing and wasting a chunk of it on someone who isn't going to reciprocate (for whatever reason) just accept that sometimes these things dont' happen. Sometimes people don't fall for you. It just happens. Sometimes we get rejected, fact of life. doesn't even mean your not pretty or are bad it just happens.
Author spookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 There are tons of reasons why a bloke wouldn't want to get together with a reasonable looking woman (I am presuming you are), he might like someone else, he might be scared of your personality, he might be gay, he just might not like you, ihe might be scared of the consequences , it really doesn't matter. That isn't the point. I don't give a monkeys why , but you sound like a nice sort of person (bit wierd but that's ok). The point is, it really doesn't sound like he is going to do anything and the really sad thing would be if you keep obsessing over him. You have one life, stop self obsessing and wasting a chunk of it on someone who isn't going to reciprocate (for whatever reason) just accept that sometimes these things dont' happen. Sometimes people don't fall for you. It just happens. Sometimes we get rejected, fact of life. doesn't even mean your not pretty or are bad it just happens. I just wish I didn't have to see him every day. I also wish: that I didn't have a really bad cold, a fever, and a toothache right now; that I didn't have to bake cupcakes or cookies for some bitch's birthday tonight; or await my own, this Sunday, with no hint of plans. I thought 23 would be more fun.
wuggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 The only advice I could give would be that most people would give to someone in an affair with someone at work (even though you aren't you still want to be) - ie Leave, get another job and try to forget about him. If you stay there it does sound like you're always going to be obsessing about him, so leave. PS happy birthday for Sunday if I don't speak to you before (going to bed now, I'm half drunk) and sod the cookies, let them buy thier own
wuggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 PS -I think you have to wait till your 40's for it to be fun..
Author spookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 This toothache worries me. I took a s!htload of aspirin and smoked a s!htload of pot, but the pain is still there, throbbing in the corner of my mouth. If I look like a chipmunk tomorrow I'm gonna be pissed. Tomorrow's my last-ditch attempt to impress Jack by demonstrating, or rather feigning, my baking skills. If he doesn't think I'm be the perfect gf after trying my best friend's carrot cake cupcake recipe, I give up.
wuggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 For the love of god stop giving a sh*t about impressing Jack ! It is so sad seeing you waste your life on this. I hope you tooth falls out and Jack tells you you look ugly with no teeth, then you might wake up !!
Author spookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 For the love of god stop giving a sh*t about impressing Jack ! It is so sad seeing you waste your life on this. I hope you tooth falls out and Jack tells you you look ugly with no teeth, then you might wake up !! Lol. Thanks for the laugh, wuggle. You're a good guy.
wuggle Posted March 4, 2009 Posted March 4, 2009 Please don't say that , I have a reputation to think of. re the cookies, you could always make 'special' cookies that at least would be fun (but might not do your career much good - ho hum) Definitley off to bed now I am 3/4 drunk. Take care.
Author spookie Posted March 4, 2009 Author Posted March 4, 2009 Please don't say that , I have a reputation to think of. re the cookies, you could always make 'special' cookies that at least would be fun (but might not do your career much good - ho hum) Definitley off to bed now I am 3/4 drunk. Take care. Maybe I'll make them slightly special, and feign ignorance. That would be funny.
imani Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Ok. This is going to come off as really thick-headed and immature, and I probably already know what you guys will say. But... I am having trouble understanding WHY. WHY doens't he like me? How can I feel so much chemistry on so many different levels with him, when he feels nothing? And why? What's wrong with me? I haven't been rejected by anyone since the 8th grade. Yes, there was my ex who dumped me, but he was with me for 4 years first, and I know he loved me. And there was my high school boyfriend who started dating someone else when I still wanted to be together; but I had moved to a different state, so I could understand that at the time, too. But why doesn't Jack like me? This is the most put-together I have been my whole life. He sees the best sides of me. As far as he knows, I am smart, nice, and pretty. According to my drug dealer, I emit an instant warmth. According to my married friend and all my ex-boyfriends, I'm instantly likeable. So... what gives? What is so wrong with me that he won't give me a chance, even though he's single, even though I'm single and I've expressed interest? What is he looking for? Spook, he does like you. He just doesn't want to date you. Based on how you describe him, he comes off as one of those very professional people who prefer to keep personal and business relationships seperate. Just as there are some who don't mind dating coworkers, there are also those who don't want to even venture in that territory. He's a rare find, but I think he falls into the later of the two. You have to settle it somehow within yourself and respect his wishes before his work-admiration for you turns into fear of you.
Author spookie Posted March 6, 2009 Author Posted March 6, 2009 Spook, he does like you. He just doesn't want to date you. Based on how you describe him, he comes off as one of those very professional people who prefer to keep personal and business relationships seperate. Just as there are some who don't mind dating coworkers, there are also those who don't want to even venture in that territory. He's a rare find, but I think he falls into the later of the two. You have to settle it somehow within yourself and respect his wishes before his work-admiration for you turns into fear of you. Does that mean if I got transferred to a different division, he might date me?
Citizen Erased Posted March 6, 2009 Posted March 6, 2009 Does that mean if I got transferred to a different division, he might date me? I honestly doubt it Spookie. Nothing you have ever posted about him has suggested he feels that way about you. He's aware of your feelings for him and he has done nothing. Not exactly the actions of someone madly in love.
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