BlueEyedGirl Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 Honestly I was starting to think that we live in a horrible world. Those HR people that come on here are kind of scary and now they won't admit that they are wrong You can come up with conspiriacy theories anywhere. This is it guys, spookie did well Jack handled it well too. He is a very nice guy but my take on his reaction is that he was/is attracted but not enough to get into a complicated situation for. Man are really good at intellectualizing things and they can think "I'm not going to go there" and easily move on and focus on work. At least you are now free. I think that the biggest thing that drives those crushes is the hope that other person feels the same and that one day something will happen. Once that is removed they go away. You are probably going to feel quite depressed about it in the next few days or weeks though but it will get better. You are definetly better off now than you were few weeks ago. Sidenote on the weed: I don't see a big problem with it. I think that once your life gets more stable and happier at some point in the future, you might find that you don't need it as often. If it improves your quality of life and it's not damaging your health then why not (BTW there is still not much evidence of weed being harmful at all). So you got a raise AND your answer regarding Jack, well done
Isolde Posted February 27, 2009 Posted February 27, 2009 It sounds like you are working constantly--every night and every weekend. In another thread you said 70 hours. That sounds a bit much to me. Are you getting enough sleep and taking care of yourself? It sounds unrelated to your situation, but I always feel a sense of drama when I am underslept and stressed out. It's also awful not to have at least some weekends to oneself--spend some quality relaxing time. Just getting stoned isn't a substitute for getting some relaxation in. As long as you are enjoying the hard work, then everything sounds great, and BTW I didn't think you would get fired either. Explore the world outside work once in a while. Jack will loom less large, I promise. I know firsthand how hard it is to make friends, but it is vital to try.
Author spookie Posted February 27, 2009 Author Posted February 27, 2009 I think that the biggest thing that drives those crushes is the hope that other person feels the same and that one day something will happen. Yes. Exactly. He has finally explicitly told me that nothing is going to happen. "I think we have a really good working relationship and I want to keep it that way." I don't have to keep hoping, each time the phone rings on the weekend, that it's him, finally calling from home. I don't have to keep hoping one night after we're both working late that he'll ask me out for a drink. Now I know it won't happen. I don't have to worry about how my breath smells, or if I'm wearing a ratty bra... he won't be feeling me up anytime soon. It's depressing. But at least I know. And I am really, really thankful that he wants to keep being a wonderful boss.
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I wouldn't let my breath get bad...you might get fired for that. Besides it's very unprofessional.
Author spookie Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 It sounds like you are working constantly--every night and every weekend. In another thread you said 70 hours. That sounds a bit much to me. Are you getting enough sleep and taking care of yourself? It sounds unrelated to your situation, but I always feel a sense of drama when I am underslept and stressed out. It's also awful not to have at least some weekends to oneself--spend some quality relaxing time. Just getting stoned isn't a substitute for getting some relaxation in. As long as you are enjoying the hard work, then everything sounds great, and BTW I didn't think you would get fired either. Explore the world outside work once in a while. Jack will loom less large, I promise. I know firsthand how hard it is to make friends, but it is vital to try. I KNOW you are right. If I had a life I wouldn't care about Jack so much. I wouldn't be so emotionally invested in my boring office life if I had fun things to look forward to. However... a couple of things are happening. The depression I am definitely solidly stuck in is killing my motivation to do anything social. And I keep wavering between whether or not I feel the time is right to be happy. My to-do list is still pretty long. It's a lot shorter than it was this time a year ago, which is encouraging... but still. If I work hard, I should be able to cross most of the major things off by late May; the rest, by mid-July. Then, I can be happy. I'm not working 70 hours/ week right now. A more reasonable approximation is around 50. But I feel like I should be...
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Although if I remember correctly, someone suggested that the company, if smart, would promote her and start documenting "problems". It's a slick way to short-circuit a sexual harrassment suit. I've given the same exact advice before. Totally ridiculous. Just as the other suggestions and conspiracy theories were. Of course they'll still insist they were right and that this is what they're up to. Not ridiculous at all, not by a long shot. It's a great strategy, and trust me, it works.
Author spookie Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 I wouldn't let my breath get bad...you might get fired for that. Besides it's very unprofessional. Haha.... Given how much garlic I eat I'm sure my breath is always terrible.
Isolde Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I KNOW you are right. If I had a life I wouldn't care about Jack so much. I wouldn't be so emotionally invested in my boring office life if I had fun things to look forward to. However... a couple of things are happening. The depression I am definitely solidly stuck in is killing my motivation to do anything social. And I keep wavering between whether or not I feel the time is right to be happy. My to-do list is still pretty long. It's a lot shorter than it was this time a year ago, which is encouraging... but still. If I work hard, I should be able to cross most of the major things off by late May; the rest, by mid-July. Then, I can be happy. I'm not working 70 hours/ week right now. A more reasonable approximation is around 50. But I feel like I should be... Nonsense. Will you let yourself be proud of your achievements for once? "time is not right to be happy..." this is the craziest thing I ever heard. Be happy now. Yes, your mind will rebel against the idea. After all, with all this Jack stuff, the idea of being happy sounds absurd, right? Do it anyway. You won't be happy all the time, but it will creep up on you. LOL.
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Haha.... Given how much garlic I eat I'm sure my breath is always terrible. Wow, you just don't care do you? You're all about living in the moment aren't you. Do you not realize that your employer can fire you for ANY little reason they want to...including garlic breath? Can't you say "no" to garlic during work hours? You should really give up the garlic you know. And maybe Jack will even be more receptive. Anyway, yeah be careful. You don't want to have a garlic report in your personnel file. Do whatever you can to stay away from those HR people. Actually, the only time I'd make sure I DID have garlic breath is if I had to go talk to HR. That would shorten the meeting!
Author spookie Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 I've given the same exact advice before. Not ridiculous at all, not by a long shot. It's a great strategy, and trust me, it works. I don't know. I'm just not getting that vibe. The vibe I'm getting is that Jack likes me (but clearly not enough to make a move), upper management think I'm worth keeping but very naive, and HR dislike me but don't think it's their call. If they were going to fire me, why would they bother with thank-you notes and free lunch cards? Why would Jack's boss stop, give me a look, and say, "This isn't about anyone here," after going on a rant about some woman who needed to get fired in front of me?
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Part of the promotion was going from hourly, eligible for overtime, to salaried, "expected to work for however long it takes to finish tasks" (or something like that) with the freedom to show up or leave when I want without having to track that. This is NOT freedom to show up whenever you please. Not by a long shot. The "beauty" of becoming salaried (from am employer's perspective) is that you actually work MORE. While you receive an increase in pay, broken down by the hour, it doesn't usually amount to much. I mean, if a paralegal (who is hourly) worked the hours I actually do (given what she makes per hour) we'd earn the same amount. I guess that's not equivalent to being able to show up whenever I want. And it's not like I'm going to take advantage of these facts (I regularly work late weeknights and weekends). But it's nice to know I'm not expected to show up at the same time each day. Do NOT fool yourself, Spookie. With a promotion, you incur greater responsibilities and obligations. Don't be thinkin' you can flit and fleet in and out at your whim. You can't.
Author spookie Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Wow, you just don't care do you? You're all about living in the moment aren't you. Do you not realize that your employer can fire you for ANY little reason they want to...including garlic breath? Can't you say "no" to garlic during work hours? You should really give up the garlic you know. And maybe Jack will even be more receptive. Anyway, yeah be careful. You don't want to have a garlic report in your personnel file. Do whatever you can to stay away from those HR people. Actually, the only time I'd make sure I DID have garlic breath is if I had to go talk to HR. That would shorten the meeting! Lmao...................
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I don't know. I'm just not getting that vibe. The vibe I'm getting is that Jack likes me (but clearly not enough to make a move), upper management think I'm worth keeping but very naive, and HR dislike me but don't think it's their call. If they were going to fire me, why would they bother with thank-you notes and free lunch cards? Why would Jack's boss stop, give me a look, and say, "This isn't about anyone here," after going on a rant about some woman who needed to get fired in front of me? Why would they do this? The reasons - from an employer's cover-my-ass standpoint - are endless. To protect themselves in the event of a lawsuit, Spookie. It's really simple when you think about it. Raises, promotions, requested transfers, granting of "perks" and alternative schedules... I see this in almost every case I defend. And it's those facts that helps the employer defeat the employee every single time. "Of course we weren't retaliating against her for reporting what she did, of course we weren't discriminating against her because of XYZ, of course there wasn't a hostile work environment, blah blah blah... How could anyone say that they had such a horrible work environment if they were getting promotions and raises they didn't even ask for and treated so well? GASP!" Work every single time. Just sayin'.
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 SG, maybe it "works" as you say but in my experience that's not he way it normally goes down. And given what Spookie has said, nope. No way is that what's going on here. I'd be extremely surprised if that's what they were up to. Glad you got a laugh over the garlic thing Spook. I thought you'd know that I was joking.
Author spookie Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 This is NOT freedom to show up whenever you please. Not by a long shot. The "beauty" of becoming salaried (from am employer's perspective) is that you actually work MORE. While you receive an increase in pay, broken down by the hour, it doesn't usually amount to much. I mean, if a paralegal (who is hourly) worked the hours I actually do (given what she makes per hour) we'd earn the same amount. Do NOT fool yourself, Spookie. With a promotion, you incur greater responsibilities and obligations. Don't be thinkin' you can flit and fleet in and out at your whim. You can't. Thanks. I understand that this isn't a free card to start slacking, but I'm not in any danger of that happening anyway. I also do understand the ways this shift is not in my favor (no compensation for overtime), but I'd never logged my overtime anyway, and now I'll be on a much better bonus structure. All this work talk has me itching to drive to the office right now... I have some grand plans for some projects that no one's assigned me to, but would be quite impressive if I completed.
Author spookie Posted February 28, 2009 Author Posted February 28, 2009 Why would they do this? The reasons - from an employer's cover-my-ass standpoint - are endless. To protect themselves in the event of a lawsuit, Spookie. It's really simple when you think about it. Raises, promotions, requested transfers, granting of "perks" and alternative schedules... I see this in almost every case I defend. And it's those facts that helps the employer defeat the employee every single time. "Of course we weren't retaliating against her for reporting what she did, of course we weren't discriminating against her because of XYZ, of course there wasn't a hostile work environment, blah blah blah... How could anyone say that they had such a horrible work environment if they were getting promotions and raises they didn't even ask for and treated so well? GASP!" Work every single time. Just sayin'. Helps the employer win what? A sexual harrassment lawsuit initiated while the employee is still employed? Or initiated in retaliation for "wrongful" termination? Are you saying this is what they do to someone they're trying to get rid of before actually firing them? Or that they're doing this to protect themselves just in case I go bat-s!ht crazy?
Trialbyfire Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Here's a story for you spookie. I was brought into a firm as an axe-person, to clean up their act. In one particular department, they had four trouble-makers, of which one was very intelligent, kind of emotional but had some potential, in that it she could swing both ways, either be a very good employee or a very bad one. Since this one employee was the lynchpin to this little clique, I promoted her to assistant manager. The others turned on her, then turned on themselves. I ended up firing one of them, not for causing drama but for making the same errors over and over again, fully documented, backed up with further training. The assistant manager ended up folding under the pressure of her new position and found herself another job. My problem solved itself with a little help, without any liability to the firm. While this isn't exactly your situation, promotions can sometimes be given for other reasons. It doesn't mean the employee doesn't deserve the promotion, in that they have the potential inside of them, but they can come with a price.
Star Gazer Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Helps the employer win what? A sexual harrassment lawsuit initiated while the employee is still employed? Or initiated in retaliation for "wrongful" termination? Either. As well as a retaliation lawsuit. Are you saying this is what they do to someone they're trying to get rid of before actually firing them? Or that they're doing this to protect themselves just in case I go bat-s!ht crazy? Again, either. In addition, it could be to see if the employee will self-destruct (by, for example, showing up at his/her whim after a promotion), which is great for them because they risk zero liablity. It's really a win-win for them. On the one hand, they protect themselves by promoting someone who could later claim harassment/retaliation/discrimination/wrongful termination. On the other, they potentially inspire a better product from their employee.
johan Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I think this is a good sign. He clearly wants to keep you close by. Maybe you should write him a short love note.
OpenBook Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Congratulations spookie!! I know you'll do well.
Touche Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 I think this is a good sign. He clearly wants to keep you close by. Maybe you should write him a short love note. You're sooo bad. Don't listen to him spook. I think wearing the low-cut tops and rubbing yourself up against him at every opportunity should suffice. No need to go over the top.
johan Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Congratulations spookie!! I know you'll do well. I agree with this. Those who are implying there are ulterior motives behind this are the conniving by nature.
Trialbyfire Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 Spookie, welcome to the world of business. I shared my story so that you could see that it's not a conspiracy theory, but something that happens in real life. For the idealist, who believes that business isn't about profitability thus productivity, they won't go far, trapped in the lower levels of supervisory staff, if they even make that far. For the person who's gotten a second chance and knuckles down, the world's your oyster. You have control over your life. Make it or break it.
burning 4 revenge Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 This problem is easy to fix Spookie Spook When the weather gets humid, you Alpha and I get tight on a regular basis and take oxycontin and so forth and go all over the train tracks like a some kind of bizarro urban safari
imani Posted February 28, 2009 Posted February 28, 2009 You have more lives than a cat, Spookie. They really must value you and your work because I don't know anyone who can get away with some of the stuff you've been able to. That has to be a testament to how they want to keep you around. After the HR lady gave you that talking to, I thought "Yeah they are going to try to get rid of her". Fortunately that is not the case. Congrats on the promotion. I'm happy that you got your closure and can now be free from all of that Dawson Creek angst.
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