guestess Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 This is about a guy-friend of mine. I've known him for about a year. He wanted to date me right after we met, but I didn't, yet we stayed friends. Every time I see him (every two months or so, but we touch base every several weeks), he tries to talk about "us". Until now, my head was always turned towards some other guy. But now I'm thinking that perhaps things could work out with him - he treats me well, we always have tons to talk about, he has views and ambitions i respect, he's very open-minded, we have quite a bit in common, etc. The things I'm not crazy about are that he's not very masculine - or rather not _macho_ at all. It's little things like having no sense of orientation, mentioning that I should pick him up once (he always picks me up), etc. Another thing is that I don't consider him cute, although now that I know him better, he is attractive to me. But, I think I'd feel a little irk in introducing him as my boyfriend - I guess I'm a little spoiled because my last guy was ridiculously hot (but he didn't have many of the great inner qualities this guy has). Another issue is that I don't think he's very popular among girls, and I like to feel _picked_. On the other hand, he picked me to pursue for this whole time, even though I rejected all his advances. So my question is - should I give it a go, or, given my doubts, let him find someone who'll be more into him from the very beginning? Perhaps I shouldn't worry about it much - just go ahead and date him (which simply means seeing him more often and adding physical affection because we're quite close as it is), and once/if I feel there's no future for us, break it off. What do you think? Thank you for reading.
Tony T Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 Relationships always last longer and are more satisfying if they begin as friendships. The notion that you would be even slightly concerned about what others think about your guy is absurd. You live your life the way you want to live it. That you have become more interested in this guy over a period of time is a great sign. You know him a lot better and he has qualities that you obviously admire. Since you have a few minor reservations, just begin the dating process very slowly and don't march right into a heavy, passionate deal. If as you move along you find you are growing uncomfortable, you can easily terminate the dating status and restore things to a friendship. Make that clear to him upfront...that you are willing to try dating but you want to go slow and you reserve the right to go back to being his friend. You may find that you really enjoy his company and a romance with him. He may show you a lot more attention and respect than other men you have dated. My advice is to move forward, stay open minded, celebrate his individuality and see what it all goes. Good luck to you!
innocent Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 I was in a relationship and felt that exact way too, I didn't feel that attracted to him at all, he grew on me as we became friends, and hung out more, and he was not popular with the girls, and he wasn't macho either, which is something that really turns me on...he was missing that from the get-go.... But anyway I decided that the only reasons I felt as though I shouldn't date him were shallow so I decided to give it a try...but I was embarassed to date him still, and I that really made us struggle in our relationship, which didn't last very long, about a month, and we had grow very close, just I didn't like to be with him in public, he just digusted me, and as shallow as that sounds it was the truth, and I am not a very shallow person at all, I like to have all kinds of friends, no matter what race, their type "prep", skater, goth whatever doesn't matter to me as long as they are cool with me...it's just there was no spark and I liked talking to him, but nothing romantic ever happened even when he did incredibly sweet things... I still was completely turned off, so I broke it off... and let me just say that at first we were okay and friends still and talked alot, but friends turned into enemies after a while... but that is a long story that has nothing to do with your problem... Let me just say that it may work out for you two it never hurts to try the only thing that you might lose is his friendship...but I have been through almost the same thing, I hope yours goes better than mine did, GOOD LUCK with your decision,(sorry so long, and some parts random... I tend to babble sometimes)
guestess Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 Thank you for your replies, Tony and innocent. Innocent, it's too bad it didn't work out for you. Tony, thanks for encouraging me not to rely on what others think of him. I certainly care what my close friends will think of him, but the fact that there aren't many girls after him should only bother me insofar as that may create insecurity on his part. I decided to simply see him more often; I'll see how that goes before talking to him. Innocent, I'm not disgusted by him at all, he looks average, but last time he tried to touch me it was like a burn - perhaps i was simply in the mood - time will tell.
innocent Posted October 6, 2003 Posted October 6, 2003 well GOOD LUCK then hope it all works out well!
passinthru Posted February 16, 2004 Posted February 16, 2004 Tough one to call but I think you have a good plan. I have been in relationships with both types. I went from one extreme to the other. Major advantages to both but disadvantages, as well. My suggestion: Experience this side..but allow the pendulum to fall in the middle before making any permanent commitment.
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